You all know I’m planning on killing myself in 2027 right? I want to talk about all the reasons why somewhere, so I need your advice.

Should I write about it for wordpress or whatever, or should I make a video saying it? I’m better at writing than I am at talking, but I think the video might be more impactful. Advice?


I feel you with me all the time.

Sometimes it drives me crazy.

I don’t want to think of you.

Dream of you.

Be consumed by you.

It terrifies and excites me.

But I should be scared.

The danger is far more real,

Then the fantasy.

But the fantasy is so


I can’t turn away.

I want it to burn me.

Control me.

Use me.

My body wakes up

At the thought

Of your icy touch.

I can’t help it.

You are not real.

You are a ghost.

This is a dream.

This is a nightmare. 

Don’t wake me up.

To you.

I know you’ve been watching me.

I can feel the lust of your eyes.

You want me to expose all of myself to you. 

Every dirty little secret.

For me to relive every moment of intense pleasure. 

To tingle again from each painful lash.

To open myself completely to you. 

To be yours.

You want to know me.

What things tickle,

What things hurt. 

What things excite and stimulate me in ways beyond comprehension.

You follow my every movement as I show myself to you.

The thought of you watching me is exhillerating.

I want to be viewed by you;

Be consumed by the heat of your gaze.

Watch me, follow me, use me.

I am yours.

Thanks for reading me.

Go to to really get to know me.

Shameless self-promotion and call for help.

I’m trying to raise $562 dollars to attend the Oklahoma Writers’ Federation Conference. I’m writing, as you all know, but haven’t officially published anything or found an agent. This conference would allow me the opportunity to rub elbows with agents, publishers, and other writers, as well as pitch my fictional autobiography, and my other writings. If you have a few extra bucks I appreciate any help. If you don’t, please wish me luck.

To donate go to:

If I’m admitting to illegal activity on YouTube, might as well do it here too.

I just got a comment that explains it perfectly from

Respect for going out there telling people how it is.

It is funny how for example celebrities who use it for recreational purposes seem to have much less social pressure than someone like yourself who actually needs it. 

On that note I find the whole argument about the legality of the issue ridiculous. Not only because its ‘negative’ effects which do not seem to be based on any solid facts, just old recycled propaganda and good old fashioned ignorance. But also due to the other ‘safe’ addictive substances we allow to move freely in our societies.

We are constantly prescribed and pumped full of synthetics which are 10x more harmful than this natural substance. We allow substances like alcohol, nicotine and sugar to be sold freely when in fact these are the root causes to some of the greatest health crises we as a race are currently experiencing.

We need to change our attitudes and realize that the millions of people using this natural remedy aren’t some crazed disillusioned people but instead normal world citizens just trying to make their quality of life better without hurting anyone else.

We like think of ourselves as an advanced species but honestly how different would the world look like if this was really the case.
So do what you have to do to make your own and your family’s life better. Disregard the naysayers because you aren’t alone. Stay strong!