Just Stop


Stop playing me.

Stop using me.

Stop toying with me. 

Stop taking advantage of me.

Stop hurting me.

Stop destroying me and then reviving me so you can destroy me again.

I’m so tired of it.

Tired of hoping.

Tired of caring.

Tired of thinking.

Tired of you. 

So stop. Go away or come back so I can pretend I don’t want you to leave. 

Maybe I don’t.

Maybe all I want is for you to stop.



Keep your voice down!

I don’t think she heard us.

You better hope not, or we’re in big trouble.

She wouldn’t tell.

Yes she would! She always tells.

Even if she did tell, we haven’t done anything yet.

She’ll wait until we do, and then tell.

Maybe we should let her in on it.

She won’t do it, she’s too scared.

Yeah, but maybe she will keep from telling if she thinks she’s in on it.

It doesn’t matter if she’s in on it or not. She always tells.

Ok, fine. So when are we going to do it?

Girls, come down here this instant!

Told you she’d tell…

Bound by you


I’m captured by you.

Bound by you.

Tortured by you.

Turned on by you.

Thrilled by you.

Hurt by you.

Consumed by you.

You make me laugh.

You make me cry.

You sicken me.

You control me.

I can’t put you down.

I can’t escape you.

I can’t erase you.

I am yours.

This second, this minute, this hour.

Until I turn the last page.

I am your reader.

Slipping away


I can almost feel it; my sanity.

It’s something I can touch, but only briefly, and even then quite I can’t grasp it. I don’t know exactly when I began to lose my mind, but it is more gone then here now.

I’m Becky. That crazy girl in a wheelchair who rides around town dancing.

I made a sign for the front of my chair that says “will someone please buy me a louder speaker?”

Think that’s too forward? I went around a busy intersection in town, and danced with that sign, and my others, about 7 times just circling around the intersection.

I do believe I’ve lost my mind.

Who am I? Part of me can see reality, that I am a mother, with a physical disease, who is also bipolar.

Part of me reads what is on my signs, and the million other quotes I look at. That part believes it’s true, that you do need to be the change you wish to see in the world – Ghandi, That life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all – Helen Keller. That no great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness – Aristotle, etc.

So I live it, I want to see people dance, so I dance. I love adventures, so I dare to do things differently. Maybe madness isn’t something to run away from.

I feel like I’m in the middle of two realities.

#1st reality – I’m a single mother with a disease, I need to provide for and take care of my kids, the house, dogs, etc. I really need a job and money.

2nd reality – I am seriously trying to change the world. To get people outside, to get people to dance, to start recognizing the value we each can and do bring to the table, whether an ordinary writer, or an artist who happens to be in a chair with wheels, or an ordinary guy who notices and helps the crippled girl stuck somewhere. Heroes are all around and even inside of us.

But this particularly insane hero is stuck. In between the two worlds. I have to find a way to make money. If you have any ideas how I could do that, while dancing like a fool, please tell me. I shouldn’t have to turn my back on changing the world to make change at some store where I could fit as a cashier with my wheelchair. Please help me figure out how to bridge the gap.

Understanding Porn


Oh, this is going to be so much fun.

Originally posted on The Dark Side:

My favorite porn, so that means word porn of course. So, I looked up the definition of porn and it doesn't really fit the type of porn I am talking about, so here is what I am going to define word porn as:

Word porn:

Written words that stimulate and/or arouse the mind. Most often this arousal leads readers to seek out this particular type of stimulation repeatedly.

Word porn addict:

Derives a deep satisfaction from certain combinations of letters, words, sentences, etc.

Word porn star:

Authors of the written content (word porn) which provokes an intense emotional response in the reader.

Word porn terms:

Words which are capable of standing alone in their ability to influence the reader (sensual, eerily, inspire, etc.)

I felt the need to elaborate on this a little because I am planning on creating a category for blogs, posts, words, etc. that fit into the…

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My Favorite Type of Porn


I found this. I thought I had deleted it, but I found it! I am reintroducing this subject and my association with it to the world! More to come.

Originally posted on The Dark Side:

Even the title of this post makes me close my eyes. Embarrassed by the connotations attached. Excited by the possibilities. Entranced by the delicious nature of the suggestion. I must admit, late at night, on nights like these, when sleep eludes me and all is quiet, I have a craving. The tv is on, but it does not capture my attention. I am a hopeless case. Addicted to it. Admittedly in love.

The object of my desire causes me to search it out. It makes my heart beat faster and my palms get sweaty. I’m obsessed.

I search for it here, in blog land. I lust after words. Sometimes, like tonight, I troll the posts on freshly pressed. Drawing depth and passion from poetry. Intellectual stimulation from the writing tag. Satisfaction from you. Writers. In love. Not with a person or a writer. I’m in love with words. It is…

View original 26 more words

My kind of autograph

Ok, so some of the agents and publishers had a q&a time and I asked something like at what point in the writing of my manuscript should I start pitching it? The overwhelming answer was wait until it is completed. 

So, my problem was that I didn’t have a finished manuscript, but the conference was now, and I have an idea for a book I think would be a perfect fit for Dark House Press.

My solution? I asked for and received Richard Thomas’ autograph on this:

I told him I wanted him to remember the crazy crippled girl who made him sign a waiver. I’ll send a copy of it with my book when I finally finish it.