#5 – Apple corporation – iPhones, iPods, iTunes… Indistructable Idealistic Individuals Intent on Instant Information Idolitry. Yep, you heard it here first folks.
#4 – eharmony and match.com – Anyone who is single has undoubtedly had someone suggest one of these sites to you in a “loving” and “well-meaning” way. Since “1 in 4 relationships begins online” some of the people reading this “met their fiance or spouse” with one of those sites. Their fine print probably states their true intentions of convincing us that no one would really like us in person, so we should spend our lives on one of their sites. To all my single friends, I say stand up to the machine! Lots of people still meet in bars and get married in Vegas. Don’t lose hope! 🙂
#3 – Charmin Toilet Paper – No one wants their bear behind to have little pieces left on it, and everyone needs to wipe their butt. Enough said.
#2 – Taco Bell: From their old commercials with the Taco Bell Dog (Yo Quiero Taco Bell) to their insistence of the existence of “Fourth Meal”, Taco Bell has been sending a clear message that they are necessary for our survival in this modern world. Even their cute little messages on packages of salsa are enough to alert any respectable conspiracy theorist to their true intentions. Don’t forget their famous April Fool’s Day Hoax in which they reportedly were buying the Liberty Bell. We are onto you, you mouth-watering, flavorful company who demands our late night craving…
#1 – Facebook: Where else can you connect with long-lost friends, interact with people you hardly know, play games and annoy others with each little detail of the game, share the intimate details of your life-like what you are having for dinner or where you are at this very second, answer random questions about people, etc.? What isn’t so easy to access is how much information Facebook is storing about you, what Facebook does with that information, and whether or not Facebook is an elaborate alien infrastructure set up to analyze earth’s weaknesses in an attempt to destroy us from the inside out.
If you are already taken over by any of these companies, please understand that these comments do not necessarily represent the opinions of my other personalities, so don’t come after me with your scary zombie friends.