Talking – Stop the Insanity

One of the main reasons I like to write is because I hate to talk. Actually I like to talk, I just don’t like the results. Miscommunication, annoyance (why are you repeating yourself? yeah, I know, etc.), and rejection (the”listener” is actually watching tv or something) are some of the things I don’t like about talking.

Unfortunately even if you stop talking, people will still talk to you and want you to respond. It was with this mind-set that I have written yet another top ten list. Please enjoy.

Things to do instead of talk:

10. Pick your nose – the person wanting you to talk will be so grossed out that they don’t care if you don’t answer.

9. Sing your answers – it will only take a few conversations before the talkers regret conversing with you.

8. Talk with your mouth full – although most of us enjoyed this as children, it becomes a dying art as you get older…let’s bring back our childhood.

7. Bring every conversation back around to your cat (even if you don’t have one) – it won’t be long before people steer clear of “the weird cat guy/girl”. They might even tell their friends not to talk to you.

6. Adopt an accent – Australian, European, even Texan accents that are obviously fake (very important to sound fake, real accents may have the opposite effect) can be a wonderful discouragement for talkers.

5. Pretend you didn’t hear what they asked/said – after a few “what was that”, “huh”, “umm okay?” comments your talker will get tired of trying and will give up.

4. Have an onion in your pocket – This one might even prevent the talker from trying to converse with you. For the stubborn talkers, break off a piece of onion and chew it loudly like it was gum while you talk.

3. Start undressing when people talk to you – Whether or not the person likes you, undressing is enough of a distraction to make them forget what they were talking about.

2. Stare at one of their body parts and make disgusted faces while they talk to you – even the chattiest person will soon be rushing off to the restroom to see what was so gross.

1. Pretend they aren’t there – you can’t talk to what you can’t see/hear…(unless you are a celebrity on drugs or something like that).

*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. Use at your own risk.

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4 thoughts on “Talking – Stop the Insanity

  1. This is a great post, i can completely relate to you on the part about hating to talk sometimes. I often find myself in that situation, do i talk? do i not? what if i say the wrong things and i make myself look like an idiot? situations like that! but i super appreciate your list that put a chuckle on my long day. Not too sure i would pick my nose in public but, hey if one day it came down to it lol! thank you for sharing your post, it made my day. ^_^

    • Thanks! The worst part of talking for me is often among family members (probably because I talk to them most frequently)…I often walk away from a conversation wishing I had never opened my mouth. I’ve got to admit I have never tried these conversation stoppers, but I just might. Maybe next time my husband and I are having an argument, or my kids keep asking after I’ve already said “no”. It’s worth a shot. 😉

  2. Good luck and let me know how it works out! I’m at work right now and already I want to put some of the suggestions into practice lol 🙂

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