It started like any other Friday, I was working diligently, sweat pouring from my brow, on all the daily housework (see that honey); when I realized that it was time for my littlest one to go to school. Since I … Continue reading
10. Buy some gum: There is nothing worse than dog-and-chewed-up-human breath. Gum is really cheap. Do your next victim a favor by exhaling ‘minty-fresh’ breath on him/her. 9. Get a fanny pack: I know they aren’t cool anymore, but you … Continue reading
Tonight I told my kids: “If you moon a blind man, does it still count?” There really was a back-story…I would never expose my children to 2nd grade jokes with no purpose. 😉
10. Choose and suck blood from people before they go trick-or-treating so your blood sugar levels don’t spike.
8. Try something new for Halloween. Being a real vampire can really suck the life out of you. 😉 Why not dress like a princess or maybe a dinosaur to shake things up a bit?
7. Beware of strangers. Just because you have a couple of fangs and a few other diversified talents doesn’t mean you can’t fall victim to predators. Carry a small can of mace while trick or treating, just in case the predator doesn’t look to appetizing.
6. Oral hygiene is very important. Your entire existence depends on the condition of those teeth, so be sure to brush regularly.
5. Animals have blood too. I know that you prefer to suck on human blood, but if you happen to get lost in the woods or locked in a basement surrounded by crosses; rats, crows, even spiders can help your survive.
4. Don’t forget to wash behind your ears. Although most of the times you eat, it shouldn’t be too messy, you might get a squirter now and then, so be sure to clean those “hard to reach” areas.
2. Don’t forget Hollywood. As previously mentioned, vampires have become quite popular and a real vampire could probably get a lead role in a movie quite easily. If the producers say “no thanks”, they probably wont be missed much and can be quite a tasty snack.
1. Have a happy Halloween and don’t forget to floss.
*Tip for dressing up like a vampire – those plastic teeth look goofy and obviously fake. For a great way to make realistic “fangs” buy a pack of Nik-l-Nips from your local dollar store, and use a portion of the wax to mold your own fangs custom-made for your teeth. They are really cheap and have great results.
After being awake for a few hours tonight, I decided to try going back to sleep. In about another hour, I finally did fall asleep.
For whatever reason, when I fall asleep after being awake for a while, I usually dream…really realistic, vivid dreams.
Anyway, in my dream some person from highschool came to my house, which was weird and interesting. We also have a small tree in the back yard, which in my dream was really, really tall and had a cat and a friend perched on it.
As I talked to my friend (who had magically come down from the tree without climbing or falling) we started walking toward the gate to the front yard. (Ok, here is the I should have never gone to sleep part, remember, this is only a dream…thank God).
In our front yard we have a small tree as well. The neighborhood kids love to climb in and play on this tree, but in my dream one of the neighborhood kids and an adult (maybe a dad or something) were sitting on a branch. As I watched, the branch bent down, and as if in slow motion, broke, suddenly turning as big as a tree trunk and falling on the group of children gathered underneath.Two of which were mine.
As most of you know, I am in a wheelchair, but I can use a walker for short distances. In this dream, I had my walker and I hobbled toward the branch looking desperately for my two. I soon saw their faces and torso’s and they were alive and moving a little, but you know when a kid gets hurt so bad they don’t even cry right away? That was the case. I started screaming lift it off (which now that I think about it might have been the wrong thing to do with compression injuries, but I was dreaming, and freaking out, so cut me some slack), and then I thankfully woke up.
Anyway, I know I usually write humor, but I am still really shook up from the whole dream, so just pretend you read my blog for more than just laughs. I am working on a life-changing, humorous post, but it is taking a long time because I have to do research.
That being said, I think I am going to make some coffee cause it will probably be a long day. I do feel better after writing it out, but I could use some prayers to get through the day on a few hours sleep. Thanks for listening.
I thought about doing some potential early Christmas shopping today, but as I asked my little ones which presents they “in theory” (if Mom happened to be Santa) would want, they were as indecisive as I typically am. Actually my … Continue reading
Sorry that I haven’t really written as much as I usually do. The problem is that I have had way too much to do lately. Really, there has been laundry, dishes… I am sure I will think of some more … Continue reading
When I was a child, my mother taught piano lessons. One of the songs we were naturally forced to learn was called “Money Can’t Buy Everything“. The lyrics were: Money can’t buy everything. Money can’t make you a king. Money … Continue reading
Today, I ventured out on the wheelchair with my little dog running happily beside me. I really am trying to cut back on my out-door excursions, because people could watch me, follow me, come up behind me and punch my … Continue reading
What, you didn’t know it was Columbus day? Your 3rd grade teacher would be so disappointed. As I was carefully observing the time-honored traditions associated with this fine holiday…in other words, dancing around with my favorite bottle of Jack Daniels … Continue reading