Sorry that I haven’t really written as much as I usually do. The problem is that I have had way too much to do lately. Really, there has been laundry, dishes… I am sure I will think of some more stuff here in just a minute or two. Actually I should probably stop writing and just go think of some reasons why I shouldn’t be writing now.
Maybe I should just write a story for all of us writers who enjoy writing…unless we just don’t feel like doing it, in which case it is about as enjoyable as having a root-canal while listening to Gilbert Gottfried singing the ABC song while drunk. Actually, the drunk part might make that a little more enjoyable.
Why is it that sometimes writing is so easy and fun while other times it is really hard and painful? Since I am an expert at answering my own questions, I think it is because there are times when writing requires discipline; and as any good five-year-old knows, discipline is one of the worst 10-letter words ever invented.
As I pondered this predicament I realized that this problem should have its own top-ten list, so here it goes:
Reasons Writers Don’t Write: Top Ten
10. Too much to do – It is an unfortunate circumstance, but there are just too many things that vie for our attention in this society. Other than the normal daily chores all of us must maintain, we also have teeth to floss, noses to blow, windows to look out of, etc.
9. Not enough material – Although I am sure there are some genius’ who might be able to write a sonnet about the smell of the garbage disposal, many of us do not get inspiration from such small things. We need something like a bad breakup or a crazy, vivid dream to come up with an idea for something to write.
8. Pets – Before all you PETA psycho’s start freaking out, I classify children and spouses in this category as well. When you are taking care of any sort of animal (even the human breed), it is hard to justify sitting down to write a thought-provoking novel or a sappy poem.
7. Games – Have you ever stopped to wonder how much different the world would be if we didn’t have cellphone/computer/card games. I don’t care how much you think you are not affected by these time-wasters, even if you don’t play them yourself, odds are someone close to you does play them and you are inevitably sucked into the drama of having a loved one who desperately needs rehab. Who can write with so much on your mind?
6. Messes – There is something about a mess that depending on your personality either inspires you to spend your time cleaning it, or makes you feel too much chaos/embarrassment/pride/gluttony/joy/insert feeling here _______________; to actually get work done.
5. Perfectionism – Although I don’t really know how much this excuse applies to me, there are some people who either can not or will not write, work, or anything else because they are consumed by thoughts of how they haven’t quite figured out the perfect story, topic, ending, etc.
4. No pencil sharpener – Oh, people don’t use those anymore? They all just type? Duh? No reason to get snotty…I am just trying to think of some excuses so you don’t have to. Excuse me!
3. Food – This is pretty much a reason why not to do anything, except maybe cook…well, actually I could probably use food as an excuse not to cook too. Food – the best/worst thing on the planet.
2. Other people – Sometimes people have already written what you wanted to. Sometimes people just ring the doorbell. Sometimes people give you severe childhood complexes which make it impossible to tie your shoes or write a book. Sometimes people just end up being a good excuse for why you don’t get something done.
1. Jello – How on earth could Jello make it impossible to write? Well, I don’t know, but you might as well just say “thanks” for me giving you something to write about. I can see the headline now “The Hidden Danger of Jello” or maybe “Journey to the Center of Jello”…you will think of something. Good luck!