Halloween Tips for Vampires: Top Ten

10. Choose and suck blood from people before they go trick-or-treating so your blood sugar levels don’t spike.

9. Remember, vampires have become quite popular these past few years, so before you make some new vampire buddies, make sure they aren’t just faking it…if they are, feel free to feed.

8. Try something new for Halloween. Being a real vampire can really suck the life out of you. 😉 Why not dress like a princess or maybe a dinosaur to shake things up a bit?

7. Beware of strangers. Just because you have a couple of fangs and a few other diversified talents doesn’t mean you can’t fall victim to predators. Carry a small can of mace while trick or treating, just in case the predator doesn’t look to appetizing.

6. Oral hygiene is very important. Your entire existence depends on the condition of those teeth, so be sure to brush regularly.

5. Animals have blood too.  I know that you prefer to suck on human blood, but if you happen to get lost in the woods or locked in a basement surrounded by crosses; rats, crows, even spiders can help your survive.

4. Don’t forget to wash behind your ears. Although most of the times you eat, it shouldn’t be too messy, you might get a squirter now and then, so be sure to clean those “hard to reach” areas.

3. If all else fails, turn into a bat…Oh, that is just in the cheesy vampire movies? I guess if all else fails, feed on a bat.

2. Don’t forget Hollywood. As previously mentioned, vampires have become quite popular and a real vampire could probably get a lead role in a movie quite easily. If the producers say “no thanks”, they probably wont be missed much and can be quite a tasty snack.

1. Have a happy Halloween and don’t forget to floss.

*Tip for dressing up like a vampire – those plastic teeth look goofy and obviously fake. For a great way to make realistic “fangs” buy a pack of Nik-l-Nips from your local dollar store, and use a portion of the wax to mold your own fangs custom-made for your teeth. They are really cheap and have great results.

18 thoughts on “Halloween Tips for Vampires: Top Ten

  1. love it! I have a friend who actually added permanent fangs, so he won’t need the Nik-l-Nips tip, but I’m forwarding the rest to him. 🙂

  2. I’ve always wondered about vampire grooming. They always look so well groomed but they can’t see themselves in the mirror. Are there vampire valets who help them dress?

    • They might have vampire valets. It is also possible that they have that magical hair/makeup that they use in the movies…tornado proof, sleep proof, flood proof, etc.

      • Ha-ha, she’d love it! She’s from Korea, where the cuisine is garlic and pickled cabbage based. Her parents came to Canada for the wedding and stayed about a month. One day I came home and found my bride and mother-in-law peeling, mincing, and freezing garlic. Want to know how much? Three boxes! Now I’m not talking those little boxes that have three bulbs within each one… each box was about the same size as an 18-pack of canned Coke!

        • That is crazy…where does she get cases of garlic? I am glad that she is ok with it though. I sometimes tell my husband I’m wearing his favorite perfume when I smell like I’ve been cooking.

          • The Korean grocery stores sell stuff by the crate, if you want it that way. One time me, The Mrs., my brother, and his wife went to Toronto and because there are no Korean stores where we live (Toronto’s over an hour’s drive away). We had to stock up while we had the chance so along with the various other stuff, she bought two throw pillow-sized bags of chili powder. My brother was floored and asked how long will the two bags last to which my wife informed him “6 to 8 months”.

            • That is crazy…I have bought the small container of chilling powder and had to throw away some because it expired. She must really enjoy cooking. I admire her for that. Society seems really geared toward pre-seasoned, ready made food, but all these actual cooks are making me want to step out of the processed box.

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