Before reading, the views expressed here are not any endorsement of a particular presidential candidate. They are simply observations of the similarities between presidential candidates and cartoon characters, in alphabetical order, so no hate mail please.
As the year draws to a close we are met with another exciting round of politicians eagerly trying to convince us of their superiority over the others, and of their capability to lead our nation for the next few years. Since it can be quite difficult to keep up with the candidates and their various positions, I have painstakingly compiled a summary of each presidential candidate and more importantly, the cartoon character that they represent.
Bachmann: “I’m a former federal tax litigation attorney. I’m a business woman. We started our own successful company. I’m also a member of the US Congress. I’m a wife of 33 years. I’ve had five children, and we are the proud foster parents of 23 great children.
Little Red Hen lived on a farm with her five chicks. The story is applied in teaching children the virtues of the work ethic and personal initiative.
Little Red Hen: Have you ever worked hard on a project and found that no one would help you? Then when you got it all done, suddenly everyone wanted to participate, or use your creation?
Herman Cain – “I started at Pillsbury as a manager in one of their analysis functions, then worked my way up the corporate ladder to become vice president.”
Marvin – He attempts to destroy the Earth because, he reasons, “it obstructs my view of Venus”.
Herman Cain – “I’m a professional problem solver”.
Herman Cain – “President Obama’s economic policies have failed to an unreasonable degree. He has no plan for a course correction. He has promised a plan for focusing on job creation since he has been in office. He has had over two and a half years to get it right, and now he wants a month to write another speech, following a three-day bus tour that produced nothing but a bunch of photo-ops. We are not convinced we will hear anything new.”
Marvin – “Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!”
Popeye: What am I? Some kind of judge or lawyers? Maybe not, but I knows what law suitks me. What am I? I ain’t no physcikisk, but I knows what matters. What am I? I’m Popeye the Sailor.
Popeye: “Wrong is wrong, even when it helps ya”
Bugs: “Trouble with this world is that everybody’s out to get everybody else.”
Huntsman: “We have learned that subsidies don’t work and that we can no longer afford them.”
Bugs: “I haven’t got the heart to tell him that he’s used up all the money.”
Bugs: “I wonder if some of you out there would care to contribute to the delinquency of a minor.”
We have not heard a word from the organizers of next week’s debate. Like everyone else, we simply read in the press that the list of participants does not include Governor Johnson. That’s unacceptable. – Senior campaign advisor Ron Neilson
Eeyore: “I’m telling you. People come and go in this forest, and they say, ‘It’s only Eeyore’, so it doesn’t count.”
Johnson: “This country would be a better place to live in if all the resources we currently put toward criminalizing marijuana were instead spent by law enforcement on protection from real crime, as opposed to victimless crime.”
Eeyore: “Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”
Foghorn was opinionated, full of himself, and yet, endearing. He loved a good practical joke, too.
Obama: He’s warm, he’s cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic; you just have to keep him in on a tight leash – every once in a while he goes charging off and gets himself into trouble. Enough about Joe Biden.”
Foghorn: That dog is like taxes: He just doesn’t know when to stop.
Foghorn: “That woman has a mouth like an outboard motor: Put-Put-Put-Put-Put-Put-Put.”
Obama: I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting
party.” – responding to revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins.
Foghorn: That boy’s more mixed up than a feather in a
Paul: “It is true that liberty is not free, nor is it easy. But tyranny – even varying degrees of it – is much more difficult, and much more expensive. The time has come to rein in the federal government, put it on a crash diet, and let the people keep their money and their liberty.”
The early operatic Mighty Mouse cartoons often portrayed Mighty Mouse as a ruthless fighter. He would dole out a considerable amount of punishment, subduing opponent cats to the point of giving up their evil plan and running away.
Paul: “A citizen walking through the airport today is bombarded with 1984-style propaganda messages that are designed to make us fear some amorphous threat and also be suspicious of others. The government designs these messages to make us feel dependent and heavily lorded over in every aspect of our lives.
IMDb: “A viewer notified media watchdog Reverend Donald Wildmon that, in one episode of this series, it looks like Mighty Mouse reaches into a pocket and snorts cocaine from his hand to regain his strength… Bakshi denies it to this day, maintaining that Mighty Mouse was merely smelling some crushed flowers and that the white jet leading from his hand to his nose was merely a cartoon “smell line” moving super-fast from the mighty inhale. The episode was immediately pulled from the rotation so that no one would see it.”
“The hostilities flaring between Mitt Romney and Gov. Rick Perry of Texas have been steadily rising inside both camps and may signal a new, more combative phase in the Republican presidential campaign.” – New York Times
Spy vs. Spy: They are the only two spies we know who haven’t the sense to come in out of the cold. But they have a ball – mainly trying to outwit each other.
“Mr. Romney and Mr. Perry arrived here with a strategic imperative to challenge the other’s consistency and conservative credentials. The tensions only grew as the night wore on, to the point where Jon M. Huntsman Jr., the former governor of Utah, joked that Mr. Romney and Mr. Perry were at risk of bludgeoning each other to death.” – New York Times
Their comic strip always features two spies, who are completely identical save for the fact that one is dressed in white and the other black. The pair is constantly warring with each other, using a variety of booby-traps to inflict harm on the other. The spies usually alternate between victory and defeat with each new strip.
Roemer led a fiery campaign calling for a “Roemer
Revolution”, promising to “scrub the budget”, overhaul the education system, reform campaign finance rules, and slash the state bureaucracy by “bricking up the top three floors of the Education Building.”
Step up to the tub, It ain’t no disgrace
Just pull up your sleeves
And get up in place
Then scoop up the water
And rub it on your face
An’ go blud-dle-ud-dle-ud-dle
Pick up the soap
Now don’t try to bluff
Work up a lather
An’ when ya got enough Get your hands full of water
Ya snort an ya snuff
An’ go blud-dle-ud-dle-ud-dle
Ya douse an souse
Ya scrub and scrub
Ya sputter and splash all over the tub
You may be cold and wet when your done
But ya gotta admit it’s good clean fun
Daffy: “This is opening new doors to feelings I never knew I had! Finally! A chance to champion the merits of goodness and honor!”
Santorum: “My feeling is, well, if it’s my money, I have a right to judge.”
Daffy: “It’s mine, you understand? Mine!”
Santorum: “Watching President Obama apologize last week for America’s arrogance – before a French audience that owes its freedom to the sacrifices of Americans; helped convince me that he has a deep-seated antipathy toward American values and traditions.”
Daffy: “Hey! Whose side you on fella?”
Well, there you go…please stay even more informed on the candidates’ positions before you vote.
© RFranklin and TheHobbler, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to RFranklin and Hobbling Around with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.