It has come to my attention that after my “Dear Washer” letter yesterday, you have been giving my soon-to-be-ex quite a difficult time. This letter is to inform you of certain…let’s say…inadequacies on your part.
First of all, you make more noise than the washer. Worst of all, you scream like a little girl. Yeah, I said it. I don’t really know who you think you are, but at least the washer doesn’t lose every other sock that crosses its path.
You have more cracks than a hard-boiled egg, and you smell twice as bad. I used to think that you were able to get the job done, but the longer I am with you the more I realize that you are much less than I had assumed based on the size of your knobs. In fact, I am beginning to realize that your “job” is not even necessary. Nothing a good stiff wind wouldn’t accomplish.
Just so you know, there are plenty of other “fish in the sea” of your type too. Sure you might think “you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all” when it comes to your species; but I have noticed that there are plenty of others who can do the same job you do with much less huffing and puffing.
Well, if you can dish it out, you should be able to take it and hopefully this lesson will last a little longer than…well, you know…your “easy care” setting. If nothing else, at least you now know how it feels to be shrunk like all those pants I trusted you to take good care of.
Sincerely, The Hobbler