How to be someone else: Top Ten

Many of us have days, weeks, or at least moments when we wish we were someone else. Since we don’t all have Michael Jackson money, here are some practical ideas for helping with this problem:

10. Go crazy – some people call it a psychotic break, others call it a vacation. Either way, going crazy is one of those things that will help friends and family members recognize that they aren’t in Kansas anymore.
 9. Fake it – go out and buy that blonde wig…if you are already blonde, go ask a sales person to help you find a wig that is not the same color as your hair. If hair is not a concern, go get that padded bra (sock in underwear for the guys). If neither of these is a concern, go read someone’s blog who is as wonderful as you are…this blog is for people with real problems…
8. Think of your favorite things – it worked for “Maria” in Sound of Music…if it is not working for you, just be happy that some of your favorite things do not include “door-bells, and sleigh-bells, and schnitzel with noodles.”

7. Be someone else – odds are that the world will not end if you sit around all day watching movies. If you usually do that, why not try something adventurous for a change? This blog offers a money back guarantee on all advice, so go ahead and try it.

6. Become a spy – This is especially helpful if your day-job is boring…or if you are a little kid with older brothers or sisters to annoy.

5. Talk your problems out – If you are desiring to be someone else, you probably have some things going on in your life that you are not too thrilled about. Get together with a friend, find a pastor with some time on his hands, talk to your dog…their sense of smell is not their only great quality…they are wonderful listeners.

4. Write down some things you are thankful for – *This advice is excluded from the money-back guarantee. The author thought she should put it in here because just about every self-help book suggests this, and she would like to get paid too.

3. Wish for it  – To see how this is capable of changing your life, just check out most Christmas movies, or Freaky Friday, Opposite Day, etc.

2. Distract yourslef – Psychiotrists might tell you that you need to think through and address your difficulties, but what do they know? A lot of my problems have been solved when I move on to something else and forget about them…now that I am thinking about them, I’m starting to remember that they haven’t gone away…scratch that advice.

1. Start a blog and be someone compleltely different – That is one of the wonderful things about the internet, you can pretend like you are not as psychotic as you sometimes act. You could also pretend you are psychotic. Or you really could be psychotic…if this is you, stay away from my blog and go find some girl taking a shower.

About that game I mentioned…

Last Saturday, several of us bloggers participated in the Not a Narcissist challenge. It was so much fun, one person suggested we do it every week. I’m ok with that, but I have another idea for a kind of game that I think might be fun. It would be hard to top the Narcissist thing, so please lower your expectations for this one.

I will give more details later in the week, but I was thinking, let’s do this one on Friday and Saturday. That way it should work with more people’s schedules. Anyway, I hope that works. I am going to shut up before I over-Analyze this to death. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Thanks!

OAA meeting…

Sign on door: “Don’t Let You Over-Analyze You”

Bob: Hi, I’m Bob, it looks like it’s going to just be us tonight, but that’s alright, more will probably come next week. What is your name?

Sue: Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Sue…I know it’s kind of forward, but can I ask you something?

Bob: Sure.

Sue: Forward was probably the wrong word to use, but anyway, that sign over the door; which “you” am I?

Bob: I’m not sure I’m following…

Sue: Well, if I am the first “you” than I am kind of being a bully by over-analyzing the other “you”.

Bob: I see, but it’s not like she’s being a bully, the sign is just saying that some people are too hard on themselves.

Sue: Oh, I know that’s true, sometimes I just beat myself up…but that means I’m being a bully right?

Bob: No Sue, you’ve got to remember who you’re beating up.

Sue: But that’s the other “you”. If I’m that “you” then the sign is telling me to stop being such a pushover right?

Bob: Kind of, but by coming to this meeting you are taking the first step toward standing up to your inner bully.

Sue: I thought this group was about over-analyzing. I don’t need some sort of self-defense/karate training.

Bob: It’s not a self-defense training. It’s an over-analyzer anonymous meeting.

Sue: Are you getting mad at me? You sound annoyed. I didn’t come here for you to just make me feel bad. I already do that to myself.

Bob: I’m not mad at you…I’m just…never-mind. Listen, I like you and I think that you are doing a great thing by coming here. Let’s just forget about the sign. How do you feel about yourself tonight?

Sue: I came here feeling hopeful, and then I got confused by the sign…now I don’t know if you are just trying to blow me off, hitting on me, or just doing what meeting leaders are supposed to do. I’m really just tired of thinking at all.

Bob: You know what? I’m a little tired too. Let’s just pick this up next week when we are both a little more energized.

Sue: Okay, that sounds good. Same time?

Bob: Yep, 7:00. Thanks for coming. (Thinks to himself, “at least we got past the sign”).

Sue: (In the distance) Do you think I should park a little farther away next week just in case more people come?

Bob: Any spot should be fine Sue. (Hits head on wall)

Join us next time when we meet Bill and Jill, the paranoid twins.

© RFranklin and TheHobbler, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to RFranklin and Hobbling Around with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

More wisdom from my 7 year old…

Sorry for all the posts, but I have to write some of this stuff so I don’t forget it later.

It doesn’t matter how we got to this point in the conversation, but:

Mom: “tell me if you ever have black stuff in your poop”

5-year-old: “why?”

7-year-old: “I know, cause it might be chocolate!”

I do like chocolate, but not quite that much.

Public apology…

If any of you have been following the comment threads for the last few days, you probably know that there has been quite a lot of dialogue between Edward Hotspur, El Guapo, and myself.

I just wanted to thank you both for making this weekend even more fun, and if I have offended either of you (or anyone else) I am really sorry. I imagine that you had fun too, but I was looking back and thought maybe some of the stuff I said was a little harsh. So, sorry again…now suck it up and quit whining! Just kidding…I really am sorry…

Final thoughts…

It is a funny thing how sometimes you don’t see yourself clearly in a dirty mirror…what The Hobbler is trying to say is that after a long, fun day of blogging about her lack of narcissism, she realized that she is not nearly as narcissistic as some other people.

To prove this, she is gracefully dropping out of this challenge and awarding the Most Narcissistic Blogger to Edward Hotspur! This challenge was actually to show that you are Not a Narcissist, so everyone else wins. Congratulations!

Oh yeah, I.

The Hobbler is the best non-narcissist

The Hobbler is so happy that The Hobbler has not had to say The Hobbler a million times today. The Hobbler has seen some bloggers just saying their name over and over, but not The Hobbler…this is probably the most times The Hobbler has said The Hobbler all day. The Hobbler rocks! (In a un-narcissistic way).

Are you having fun yet?

If you are…what do you think about playing a game next Friday? It should be a lot of fun, and it hasn’t been done before, that this writer knows of. There will be some rules, but nothing to dramatic. Just let me know…

To the readers,

You follow people…
Not knowing why.
They could be maniacs
Who like to lie.

They might be up
At 5 am
Hoping you don’t
Reply to them.

Your dedication
Does ensure
That their stupid idea
Is now torture.

Alas, they can not
Go back now,
Because you are hoping
They won’t know how;

To write with grace
To write with style
To make you laugh
Or at least smile.

It is for you
That writers write
That narcissist’s crave
Your constant sight.

Oh you are loved,
Now go away.
Some writers will have
A busy day.

They will reread
Each little line
Their kids will probably
Start to whine.

Because they lost
Their mom or dad
Narcissistic blog checking
Will make them sad.

So don’t forget
Your little one
As we attempt to
Have some fun.

You may also
Want to try
In real life, not saying
The letter ________.