9. Those “trendy” clothes were designed by the guy voted “Most Likely To Design Something That Future Generations Will Laugh At.”
8. You really shouldn’t give parenting advice until you have your own children. (No, babysitting does not count).
7. I am totally attracted to the love of your life…your pet is just that cute.
6. That shirt reminds me of something my Great Aunt wore…to her funeral…twenty years ago.
5. The longer you talk, the more likely I will start to picture you with a fake moustache.
4. Remember the good old days? If you are still young/healthy enough to remember anything, you have it pretty good now.
3. I know your back hurts, your feet ache, your bladder is full…none of that will make the train go faster; and by the time you find a different route, it will be gone.
2. Your butt crack at the top of your baggy shorts is just about the worst thing I have ever seen…and I watched my cat have kittens…and my daughter get stiches…and my dog doing his business…yeah, it’s that gross.
1. You can’t drive. I know it’s not funny. I sacrificed humor for the safety of everyone on the road.