Hate to break this to you, but…

10. If your “friends” were really your friends, they would have told you that you couldn’t sing before you tried out for American Idol…and made it…to the worst singer list.

9. Those “trendy” clothes were designed by the guy voted “Most Likely To Design Something That Future Generations Will Laugh At.”

8. You really shouldn’t give parenting advice until you have your own children. (No, babysitting does not count).

7. I am totally attracted to the love of your life…your pet is just that cute.

6. That shirt reminds me of something my Great Aunt wore…to her funeral…twenty years ago.

5. The longer you talk, the more likely I will start to picture you with a fake moustache.

4. Remember the good old days? If you are still young/healthy enough to remember anything, you have it pretty good now.

3. I know your back hurts, your feet ache, your bladder is full…none of that will make the train go faster; and by the time you find a different route, it will be gone.

2. Your butt crack at the top of your baggy shorts is just about the worst thing I have ever seen…and I watched my cat have kittens…and my daughter get stiches…and my dog doing his business…yeah, it’s that gross.

1. You can’t drive. I know it’s not funny. I sacrificed humor for the safety of everyone on the road.

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8 thoughts on “Hate to break this to you, but…

    • When I was in college I worked in a daycare and thought I knew kids pretty well. It really is nothing like having your own. I’m sure all of us parents will get plenty of well intentioned advice forever. It’s payback time I guess. 😉

  1. I think the prerequisite for having kids is to have teenagers under your roof for a period no less than 3 months- no, make that 6 months- no, wait, maybe 8 months??? People forget that cute little babies (like cute little baby animals) grow up to be teenagers………

    • So true. Teenagers are the real testing ground for how well you parent. Actually, if someone borrowed some teens for a while to see if they could do it; I think they would realize that no one is ever qualified to give parenting advice. If someone ask you for advice, I think you could definitely tell them what worked for you, but since there are no cookie-cutter kids, there are no cookie-cutter answers. My advice is to just do your best and don’t blame yourself too much when they go crazy.

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