Just like bread and butter

Earlier this week I asked you all to give me some crazy search terms that I could use in a post designed to get more…unusual… visitors to my site. As always, you never disappoint.

When I saw what the Trifecta challenge was for this week, they seemed to go together so well, I thought I should combine that challenge with my “get the weirdo’s post”, so this is the result. For the record, I am not officially entering Trifecta this week. This is just for fun, but I’m linking it to Trifecta so that the Trifecta readers take a break from all the deep stuff everyone else (other than Hotspur) is writing. I’m linking the search terms that people gave me with their blogs, so if you are wondering where some of the stuff came from, you can ask them. I also took a little liberty with  the order of some of the words in the search terms I was given. Yep, I’m a rebel like that. Here it is in exactly 333 words:

Now where is my toothbrush…

I don’t have a problem. I’m a writer. Writers do lots of stuff to help them get creative ideas. So this is a little more…outside the box. At least I’m not an alcoholic.

It all started when my sister and her friend came over. I didn’t want to become a crack-head, I just breathed in and next thing you know I had some crack in my nostril. Complete accident. So, soon we were experiencing the joy of swimming nude. Before we even dried off, we started playing with the USB dildo, and later my sister asked me to do a threesome with her and her friend. The weird thing was, after the threesome, her friend started singing the a,b,c alphabet song in this operatic voice and jumping in the air doing naked scissor kicks. She also tried to use a Bedazzler to “sparkle my ass“. You just never know the freaks you are bringing into your house…

We must have crashed while watching animal planet because I started having crazy dreams. First we were trying to avoid getting eaten by alligators, dancing in their mother’s underwear while wearing Gojo hands-free handsets. Then we saw a dog giving a cat a butt massage. I didn’t even know they made stiletto  boots for Basset hounds! Then there were all these cute little puppies with naked women  grooming them. The weirdest thing of all was Captain Kirk…but he had a duckface. Another strange thing was the women with big boobs walking toward him. The women weren’t walking…the boobs were. They just sprouted legs and started walking toward him, leaving a trail of little milky footprints.

When I woke up, I was next to an angry woman with a mad, drawn-down mouth, and my sister had a new tattoo…a graphic picture of John Hancock. You can’t make this stuff up…

I don’t think I’m inviting my sister over for Christmas. That’s an invitation for naked elves on crack to come party. Siblings…

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72 thoughts on “Just like bread and butter

    • Thanks Lisa, it was so much fun to write. I managed to use all the terms that people gave me for the post…in 333 words too. Really, I think that is my favorite writing.

  1. Yay! clap clap clap – I LOVE it and I almost peed my pants – just saying…I might have a little,…did you say you were looking to attract the weirdos? I missed that part.. I had a good one this morning…..naked angry birds….. this was too funny and so clever… Cool Beans

  2. For the record, I got to this post from the link on Trifecta. Thought I should make that clear since you used wacky search terms in this “get the weirdos” post.

    Guess it worked, eh?

  3. this comment is for test purposes. even though said test was delayed due to mt tweet app being stupid and slow… I am still placing this comment as a test of the Hobbler Blogging System….. do not be alarmed

  4. SNARF!!! {cough cough} For a minute there, I thought you were going to be singing with the angles while your head was in the clouds….. glad to see you are firmly rooted still.

    I am not sure I get enough good search terms to write something so brilliant…..

  5. Ha! Very amusing, though part of me wants to scrub my brain. Not because of your writing – because of the search terms themselves. 🙂

        • Thank you, thanks you. I must admit though…if it hadn’t been for the wonderful people who admitted that their blogs attract weirdos, that post never would have come into existence…regular people like you and me could never get as much crazy stuff as Lizzie did.

        • I was looking at some of the other people’s trifecta posts, and the lord overseers at Trifecta were saying that trail was supposed to be in verb form…wouldn’t that have to be like “trailing or some other tense of the word? Leaving a trail of whatever… Wouldn’t that make it a noun? There are just a few really good entries that seem to not be qualifying.

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