Earlier this week I asked you all to give me some crazy search terms that I could use in a post designed to get more…unusual… visitors to my site. As always, you never disappoint.
When I saw what the Trifecta challenge was for this week, they seemed to go together so well, I thought I should combine that challenge with my “get the weirdo’s post”, so this is the result. For the record, I am not officially entering Trifecta this week. This is just for fun, but I’m linking it to Trifecta so that the Trifecta readers take a break from all the deep stuff everyone else (other than Hotspur) is writing. I’m linking the search terms that people gave me with their blogs, so if you are wondering where some of the stuff came from, you can ask them. I also took a little liberty with the order of some of the words in the search terms I was given. Yep, I’m a rebel like that. Here it is in exactly 333 words:
Now where is my toothbrush…
I don’t have a problem. I’m a writer. Writers do lots of stuff to help them get creative ideas. So this is a little more…outside the box. At least I’m not an alcoholic.
It all started when my sister and her friend came over. I didn’t want to become a crack-head, I just breathed in and next thing you know I had some crack in my nostril. Complete accident. So, soon we were experiencing the joy of swimming nude. Before we even dried off, we started playing with the USB dildo, and later my sister asked me to do a threesome with her and her friend. The weird thing was, after the threesome, her friend started singing the a,b,c alphabet song in this operatic voice and jumping in the air doing naked scissor kicks. She also tried to use a Bedazzler to “sparkle my ass“. You just never know the freaks you are bringing into your house…
We must have crashed while watching animal planet because I started having crazy dreams. First we were trying to avoid getting eaten by alligators, dancing in their mother’s underwear while wearing Gojo hands-free handsets. Then we saw a dog giving a cat a butt massage. I didn’t even know they made stiletto boots for Basset hounds! Then there were all these cute little puppies with naked women grooming them. The weirdest thing of all was Captain Kirk…but he had a duckface. Another strange thing was the women with big boobs walking toward him. The women weren’t walking…the boobs were. They just sprouted legs and started walking toward him, leaving a trail of little milky footprints.
When I woke up, I was next to an angry woman with a mad, drawn-down mouth, and my sister had a new tattoo…a graphic picture of John Hancock. You can’t make this stuff up…
I don’t think I’m inviting my sister over for Christmas. That’s an invitation for naked elves on crack to come party. Siblings…
I am sitting her laughing out loud! Brilliant! 😀
Thanks Lisa, it was so much fun to write. I managed to use all the terms that people gave me for the post…in 333 words too. Really, I think that is my favorite writing.
Hey, you look different. Have you had your hair done?
Do you like it?
Yeah, looks great on you!
Thanks…I’m trying to work the look. 😉
This is so fun!
Thanks, it was fun to write.
Awesome post! Lovin’ the new look!
Thanks Hook, my sister did it for me.
This is absolutely brilliant. Freaking hilarious. Great way to start my day. 🙂
Glad you liked it. It still cracks me up too.
Hope you didn’t mind me using one of your search terms.
Yay! clap clap clap – I LOVE it and I almost peed my pants – just saying…I might have a little,…did you say you were looking to attract the weirdos? I missed that part.. I had a good one this morning…..naked angry birds….. this was too funny and so clever… Cool Beans
Thanks. It might my favorite thing ever to write. It make me smile every time I think of it. I keep picturing tiny milky boob footprints.
SOL – thats snorting out loud… good thing I don’t have my coffee yet!
Well, thanks for giving some of the search terms. When you first told me, I had no idea how I would fit any of them in a post, but they all came together in the end.
I wasn’t sure myself – 🙂 you did a stellar job though – I am still trying to make mine work lol
Thank you. I’m going to get my brain scraped now…
You can’t un-remember some things.
By the way, love what your sister did with the place.
Thanks. She is good. Now if she could just make me over…
For the record, I got to this post from the link on Trifecta. Thought I should make that clear since you used wacky search terms in this “get the weirdos” post.
Guess it worked, eh?
Hey, you can pretend you got here however you want…I don’t judge, but I might use you for future posts. 😉
this comment is for test purposes. even though said test was delayed due to mt tweet app being stupid and slow… I am still placing this comment as a test of the Hobbler Blogging System….. do not be alarmed
Thanks Lizzie. I don’t actually know how to test it, so I am just going to see if the new address shows up on this reply.
ohhhhh ok
I don’t know…I don’t think it is saved, but I’ll log out and back in and see. Thanks for your help.
if you are changing it from the settings page – it may take a while to show up even if you are getting mail there. I changed mine about a month after I started and it didn;t show up for a day.. or so… just sayin. BUT I was getting email there…I dunno
Yeah, that makes sense. I’ll wait it out.
i got a new one a little while ago – I just sooooo had to share…. I am wondering if I should hide?
Scissors in Ass…. help..lol
Wow…um, remember when I said I worry about you? I am really worried now.
I gotta tell you – I am a little worried too… that;s kinda a not very nice thing to think about .. you don;t think I have haters do you….. that would be kinda cool…no wait..what am I SAYING…. ~sigh
no one could hate you Lizzie…seriously
Seconded!
really? thank you… really..
you – my friends – really know how to build a girl up… I am humbly happy I am not hateable…thank you..
SNARF!!! {cough cough} For a minute there, I thought you were going to be singing with the angles while your head was in the clouds….. glad to see you are firmly rooted still.
I am not sure I get enough good search terms to write something so brilliant…..
Lol, I’m glad you liked it. Really, most of the post is other people’s words. I just strung them together.
Naked elves with big boobs dancing in their mother’s underwear. My favorite!
Whatever Hotspur. I’m annoyed with you now.
Please take a number.
First of all, I had to practically beg you to even look at this. I shouldn’t have to tell you this…you of all people, but that was a literary masterpiece. Not only did I use every single screwed up search term that people gave me for that post, I wove them intricately together into a lighthearted expression of brotherly love…or something. It was as if Shakespeare himself lifted his
penfingers to the keys and wrote something that is destined to be memorized by 7th graders everywhere. Those facts alone should compel you to drop whatever you are holding and stare in amazement as you ponder what kind of genius could pull something like that off.Not only is the content a mystery, in the same scope as the building of the pyramids, I pulled this all off in exactly 333 words, using a heartbreaking illustration of the Trifecta challenge, with the trail of milky boob footprints. I am appalled at your lack of understanding of the post you witnessed here. Never again will I be able to thoughtfully consider your posts without remembering the void between our consciousness. Appalled…
I am ignoring you now.
Well, when you put it that way, it’s quite an accomplishment. You’re the Maya Angelou, the Mary Shelley, the Sylvia Plath, the Ayn Rand of WordPress. I know that now. I will begin slashing my wrists immediately after replying, because there is no hope for me.
Oh.My.Word.Hobbler.
Don’t give in to his dark side. No. Do Not.
How could he? After all this time that I’ve been stalking him…sniff…you think you know someone and then something like this happens…
I don’t have a dark side. Light gray at the most. What’s your word, GS? Obfuscate?
4 words for you EH- Just For Men Haircolor.
I am thankful that I keep a dictionary on my desk.
Killing me softly with your big words I don’t understand.
My word is Bewildered.
Why would I need to color my hair? My hair is fine. I’m awesome. I’m not killing you at all. I’m saving you. I’m like your lifeline.
My lifeline to big words I don’t understand?
Thanks.
Your lifeline to life, living, sanity and living a sane life while living life sanely.
Ummm Hotspur? Could you take your commentary elsewhere…you are making it hard to ignore you.
It’s hard to ignore this much awesomesauce and win.
Yeah, yeah…just go email or something…
Sorry, Hotspur can’t come to the blog right now. If you leave your name and number and address and bank account number and social security number, Hotspur will be in touch with you shortly.
I do not understand this ‘sanity’ that you speak of.
Sorry Ginger, he can’t come on my blog until he apologizes for not gushing over how brilliant I am.
Right. Of course. It’s defined as “the opposite of how GingerSnaap thinks” in the Oxbreath English Dictionary.
Did you write that version?
No, yours would be the JerkFace English Dictionary.
The Un-Shiny version.
I give up. You win. *walks off*
You two are such drama queens EH and Ginger.
Can’t hear you. Left.
Right
Ha! Very amusing, though part of me wants to scrub my brain. Not because of your writing – because of the search terms themselves. 🙂
I know… I think some of my blog friends need to go take a shower. 😉
Where do I start? Never, in the short history of Trifecta, has a 333-word post contained so much! Some definite laugh out loud moments here. I think I love it! Thanks for linking up.
Thanks for loving it…maybe. It was so fun to write.
Way to go Hobs!
Thank you, thanks you. I must admit though…if it hadn’t been for the wonderful people who admitted that their blogs attract weirdos, that post never would have come into existence…regular people like you and me could never get as much crazy stuff as Lizzie did.
I was looking at some of the other people’s trifecta posts, and the lord overseers at Trifecta were saying that trail was supposed to be in verb form…wouldn’t that have to be like “trailing or some other tense of the word? Leaving a trail of whatever… Wouldn’t that make it a noun? There are just a few really good entries that seem to not be qualifying.
Yeah, but in the end (for me), it’s less about the competition and more about the writing…
Yours was used in the right way, right? Anyway, the trifecta’s are fun, and a good way to stretch us.