52 thoughts on “When is it time to get help?

  1. You PROMISE you are ok??

    Thinking on this question…I’m so hyper aware of all of my weirdness that I tend to catch on pretty quickly when something might be “off.” I’m also horrible about asking for help so most of the time, I work things out on my own. If I see a REAL problem that I know I can’t fix on my own, I tend to turn to either my Daddy or my best friend for help/advice. But, being the over-analyzer I am, it is necessary that I pick apart every single problem until I find a reason for it, then ultimately a solution. When I drank (and by drank I mean non stop for a very long time, at some point even living in my car) it was a matter of breaking away from the people who I was drinking with and just not doing it anymore. It is still quite hard to not get back into that and as much as I love to drink (and OMG! I LOVE IT), I don’t do it often at all. Smoking is my biggest and only addiction now and until I’m ready to quit, and I’m not, there’s no point in even trying to break the habit. Lucky for me I’ve lived with or dealt w/ addicts of all kinds my entire life, eh? Those situations really have made me very aware of my own issues.

    • Please don’t worry about me. I can not stress that enough. Always remember that it is important not to take anything too seriously. That said, I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles Lisa. I really do empathize. I definitely have some medication issues, and like alcohol, it is hard to stop the problem when you have easy access to the drug of your choice. I think it is amazing that you have come out of such a serious problem.

      As far as the smoking goes…that is a tough one, again because of the easy access. It is such an expense and the health problems, but again…I can relate. I don’t smoke now, but one drug is really just like any other; and mine are pretty expensive too and can cause other problems too. They just ultrasounded my kidneys and bladder yesterday. I don’t really have any advice or anything for you. I just know that if you decide one day to quit, you will be able to. You are such a great mom and writer, and I love how you share your joy with others. I am sure some people would rather keep bloggers at arms length, but I like to really get to know my WordPress friends.

      • Addiction for anyone is a nightmare, I think. Ya know, I’ve written about Franky and his drinking problem. He’s been to rehab MANY times for more than one type of addiction. This is the only one he can’t seem to let go of and to watch him struggle with it – and yes, his struggle and pain is quite visible, is hard. We always want to help ones we love and to make things better when the truth is, we can’t. They have to want it and it takes a lot of strength and courage to get there. It breaks my heart to see how much Franky goes through and it’s so strange to watch him when he’s drinking. It’s like his guilt and his pain just becomes more and more visible on his face with every drink he takes. Kind of hard to explain. Anyway! Thank you for the kind words and like you, I like to get to know my WP friends, as well. Personally don’t see much point in blogging if we’re not going to be friends and available for one another. Have a great day! xo

  2. I think with most addictions peope can’t ask for help, whether they don’t see it as a problem I don’t know, many people handle it themselves without the need to so it’s more the question of a type of person being more susceptible to addiction than others and they would need the help and support from their friends and family in the first instance, if they can spot the addiction which can be hidden from normal view of course.

    Many people can carry on their lives with addictions to no detriment, I suppose when you cross the line that’s the problem but you never see the line even when you trip over it and smash your jaw (oh yeah, that happened to me from drinking)

    • Well said Joe. I’m sure that there are a lot of people who don’t see the problem. Others live in denial, or in blaming mode, where they see their own addiction as a result of what people have done to them, or of what others should do for them. Either way, to change a whole mentality is difficult. When you really can’t see the problem, even when others point it out, it doesn’t really change anything. I guess that is why they need longer term or inbound treatment centers.

      I think you are right about the line too. There is definitely a reasonable amount of almost anything, and I do think you have to have an addictive personality to develope a serious addiction. Sorry you hurt your jaw crossing that line…but, when do you think the real problem starts…born with an addictive personality, is it based on past experiences, some tragic event, or what?

      • I did my share of drugs and heavy drinking in my youth, it was part of life where I grew up as there was little else happening. I moved to London as I got bored and was time to move on, but others didn’t and got worse, three people in my old crowd died in the meantime, 1 heroin, 1 alcohol and 1 suicide. Something had a hold over them that they couldn’t control or break free from. It’s a shame it manifested itself in hard drugs/drink and not hoarding or they’d be alive now.

  3. Asking for help, whether it be for an addiction or simply assistance in everyday living, is one of the hardest things a person can do. Especially if you have been an independent, type “A” person.

    I have a degenerative nerve disorder of unknown etiology, and have been unable to find a job for nearly three years. Between my medical problems and now my age, 50 something, employers are hesitant to even consider me. Due to a lack of employment, and the subsequent lack of funds, I am having to turn to others for assistance, something totally against my nature. Add to the mix is my increasing inability to safely navigate around the house or town and I am finding myself FORCED to ask for help.

    In my previous “life,” one of health and well-being, I worked closely with individuals that had addiction or dual diagnosis problems. No one can make the addict, or a person with a psychological issues, or even one with physical limitation accept help until the person is willing to accept it. It is painfully difficult for family and friends to watch as someone you care about falls deeper and deeper into their own private hell. But until the person needing help is willing to ask, there is nothing you can do, save offering a soft landing and sometimes that isn’t an option.

    Many people don’t even know they have a problem until they have “hit bottom” and even then some don’t realize.

    To answer the question, you should ask for help when you finally realize that you are no longer in control of whatever issue you have, and want to break free of whatever cycle of dysfunction exists. The place to start is with family and friends that are not involved with or co-dependent upon the problem. Then move on to legitimate counselors or therapists that will help to lead you though the maze and out the other side to a functional life. And this applies to anything a person is dealing with: addiction; domestic violence; physiological problems; psychological problems; or anything that keeps you from functioning as a healthy part of society.

    Just my thoughts.

    • Good advice. Just thinking about your situation…have you contacted the department of rehabilitation? They are really amazing. Anyway, I think you are very right about the difficulty of asking for help. I cancel dr. appointments on a pretty consistent basis because I just don’t want to ask for another ride. It is really hard to just let people help you. Now, my mother-in-law takes me to a lot of appointments, and I buy her lunch or give her gas money, but when she can’t, sometimes I don’t even call other people because I feel like they will think I’m using them. So, I am not really qualified to even offer any advice other than sometimes it is easier to accept help if you are contributing in some way to the helper. Like paid help…butlers and stuff ;). Just kidding, but thanks again for the advice, and check into DRS and other community service. If you are on medicade or medicare it should already qualify you.

  4. It’s a slippery slope, if it happens gradually like the frog in the boiling water analogy, then you could be smoking crack out of broken light bulb on your lunch break and think it was the most normal thing in the world. I guess you need a subjective set of 3rd party eyes looking from the outside in, someone you trust though. But a lot of people only hear what they want to hear. Sounds like too much work to me.

  5. I think when it becomes something you can’t live without and is negatively impacting your life, it’s time to get help. There are good therapists at community mental health centers and private practice that can help. But in the end, it comes down to the person WANTING to get better.

  6. Wellllll………………….. sometimes, something can be a habit and not cause disruption in a person’s life………..sometimes, it’s a disruption to everyone around the person doing it.

    I think it totally depends on what it is, honestly. If it’s physically threatening *right now* reach out and get help *right now*. Find a hotline. Pick up the phone. Call someone.

    If it’s damaging you physically, it’s a problem, even if your don’t see something right now (smoking, drinking/fatty liver, too much food, etc) Those require behavior modification and usually, some kind of intervention.

    I think bottom line, especially if the person wonders if it might be- it might actually be- getting help can’t do any harm.

    Now, if it was me, I’d log it. I would lot it to keep track, so I had an accurate reflection of the variables. Once I felt like I had enough data, I’d research it.

    Of course, simple things like drinking a pint of vodka every day are pretty easy to gauge and research……….

    • Wise words. It is hard to judge what could be a potential problem, and you’re right about the fact that if you think it could be one, it probably is. It is good that there are therapists, psychiatrists, etc. Who are available to help people that need it.

  7. “Is it time for me to seek help from outside myself?” That is a key question that many don’t ask for several reasons. The most basic is rooted in our survival instinct: to ask for help means you are weak; those who are weak are prey. Therefore it is best to stay silent. (Tell that to the goat when you’re tiger hunting, LOL! He should pay more attention to such things.)

    I know “we” first discovered that we truly needed help by asking the simple question online (and during our very first week online – many long moons ago) – “Is it normal to want to kill yourself every day?”. The resounding “NO!” gave us the answer we suspected: we were not normal and needed some help with this thing.

    Smoking. LOL!!! Did you know I was one of five engineers that helped design the factory which makes a certain nicotine replacement lozenge? (wink wink, can’t say who). And I learned a LOT about quitting – but never did myself. LOL! We hired only smokers to work in the plant – that way nobody could come back and say they got addicted to nicotine from making the product And I’ll tell ya: 9/10ths of it is mental. I’ve been smoking since I was eleven which really ingrained the habit. But the physical is gone quick. Change your ways; change the triggering habits – and hold your breath, because it takes more willpower and determination than I have! LOL! But I did give up the meth habit. So I reckon not so bad. And the doc says I don’t have an addictive personality. LOL! Take that any way you can.

    So . . . asking for help? Good deal if you can. Even better if you can get it. Good luck on that.

    • Lol…good job giving up the meth habit. I bet that was a tough one. It is interesting that your company only hired smokers. I guess it makes sense though. I dont think I have an addictive personality either. Some things just make life easier…there is no doubt about that. Well, I guess a lot of the addictions people have seem to make things easier at first and then make life harder than ever before. Thanks for sharing some more of your story with me.

      • I’ll have to write about my “good ol’ druggie days(daze)” one day, LOL! But yeah: did the IV meth scene – highballs, actually (meth & heroin cut together) . . . plus a lot of other really wild, scary, and crazy stuff – and got an insight into a culture that most don’t get. Not a positive effect on my life, but definitely gave me some real understanding into some really real world ‘life’ issues sort of things, LOL!

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