Once upon a time there was a beautiful maiden. Her name was Snow Bell JaSleep III, but people called her 3. Now, this girl didn’t know she was beautiful because when she went to the mirror store, the magic mirrors that said who the fairest of them all was, were sold out. Instead, she got the really rude mirror that dished out insults whenever you asked it if you were pretty.
The older she got, the more ugly she felt. She tried to wear pretty clothes but the mirror would just say “You’re so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you.” She got a hair cut, but the mirror just said “You’re so ugly, your doctor is a vet.” When she fixed her makeup, her mirror said “If ugliness was a crime, you’d get the electric chair.” This went on for many years until one day, a handsome prince saw 3 walking home after she got her boob job. This prince knew beauty when he saw it, and for him it was love at first sight.
He went to her father and asked for her hand in marriage, but her father thought that “hands” should be able to make their own decisions. The prince realized he would have to suck up to her for a while until she was his, and he could sit around watching tv. He casually stalked the maiden, and soon learned that she was pretty high maintenance. This didn’t really bother him because after-all, she had just gotten a boob job and was pretty in all the other areas too.
One day while he was peeking through her window, he saw her ask the mirror if she was pretty. The mirror said “You’re so ugly, you give Freddy Kruegger nightmares.” Is that mirror blind? the prince thought to himself. He became a regular voyeur , and repeatedly saw the mirror tell her that she was “so ugly, the police sketch artists are afraid to draw you” or “so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone” or some other insult. The prince thought that maybe he should just tell 3 that she was beautiful, but he figured that he should take the mirror out of the picture first.
The opportunity finally came when 3 left to go get a facelift. The prince snuck through the window, took out his sword, and smashed the mirror into a million pieces. Just at that moment, 3 walked back in. She had forgotten to pur her teeth-whitening strips on. When she saw the prince in her room and the destroyed mirror, she grabbed the dagger she kept “just in case” and stabbed him 32 times.
Moral of the story: Telling a girl she’s pretty won’t kill you, but if you don’t tell her…she might.
**All images were from a google search.