OAA: Week Four

If this is your first time reading OAA, please see this, and the links on the page. Three other posts total.

Bob: Hello Sue, hello Jill, where is Bill tonight?

Jill: Remember last week when you called to let us know you were sick? Bill was actually listening when you were leaving your message, and when you hung up he started in on “it’s all one big conspiracy” again. He said that you didn’t sound like you were sick and something about having a 6th sense that can pick up on subtle nuances in tone and pace of words…(shaking head)…something like that. Anyway, he is actually outside the window trying to watch your body language to know if you are actually an alien or something.

Still Jill: Hey! Why don’t you start waving your arms up and down just to freak him out?

Bob: Sorry Jill, as tempting as that offer may sound to you, I am genuinely concerned that he already is overanalyzing my posture at this very moment.

Bill: (Outside window) That is the signature seating position of a quandropile from planet zooloid… I knew it. He was lying this whole time. Just wait till I tell Jill…

Bob: Umm, excuse me…sir…would you mind telling us your name?

Jerry: Um okay, I’m Jerry…(Looking around the room as if distracted).

Bob: Hello Jerry, I’m Bob, and these ladies are Sue and Jill.

Sue: (Thinking to herself) Oh my goodness…he is so totally hitting on me. Why else would he have called me a lady? Don’t you think it is a little strange that he said my name first? Jill was sitting to his left, so technically he should have said her name first…or is it the other way around…

Bob: The head you see occasionally peeking over that window ledge is Bill. (Thinking) He has a pretty bad case of paranoid overanalysis. So what brings you here tonight Jerry?

Bill: (Feverishly taking notes Bob’s posture and the vague hand motion that seemed to be directed toward the window).

Jerry: Okay man…I’m going to totally honest here. I actually just came for the snacks, and I don’t even see any, so if you want me to hang out, you need to bring on the spread. I have a nice warm box waiting on 5th and Eastern.

Bob: Sorry Jerry, I was just about to approach the group with the idea of bringing snacks, but last week I was sick and so we really haven’t had a chance to work out a schedule.

Jerry: That is BS man. I know that you “groups” always have snacks. Just because I am homeless doesn’t mean you can lie and walk all over me.

Bob: It isn’t a lie Jerry…really, we haven’t talked about it…

Sue: I’m so sorry that you are homeless Jerry. Was it because of the war? There is always a war…it is really so sad. Here, I have a snack bar in my purse if you want…

Jill: (quietly to Sue) Be careful Sue…you never know who those homeless might be related to.

Jerry: I DON’T NEED YOUR CHARITY! You people make me sick…getting together pretending like you have a problem when you don’t even know what real problems are. I’ll take the snack bar to-go though…

Sue: (Hands him bar)

Jerry: (Walks toward the door mumbling to himself).

Jill: Why did you give him food Sue! Now he will hang around next week hoping for a handout.

Sue: (Bursts into tears) I didn’t mean to…I knew as soon as I gave it to him that it was a bad idea. I almost asked for it back, but I thought that would just make everything worse. Then I thought about what would happen if I didn’t take it back. I don’t want to be an enabler. What if he goes and trades the snack bar for beer? Then again, what if he hasn’t eaten in weeks and that snack looks like a fine steak to him…

Bob: Let’s all just calm down a little. Sue, don’t worry about the bar. It will be fine. Jill, don’t worry about Sue. She was just doing what she thought was best. Now let’s all…

Bill: (Bursts through door stumbling around holding his hand under his rib cage).

Jill: Bill! What happened! Did he stab you?

Sue: Oh no! It’s all my fault!

Bob: (Getting phone out to call 911)

Bill: (Staggers, almost falls, then starts laughing) You should have seen your faces (pulls hand back, everything is fine). That was the best ever! Wow, you are all some paranoid freaks. At least now I know that you aren’t trying to kill me, or you would have started laughing. Let’s go Jill.

Jill: (Getting up) You are such a jerk Bill. I was actually worried about you. You are really all I have since the “accident” happened when our parents died.

Sue: I am going to leave too Bob. I think I’ve had all the excitement I can handle tonight.

Bob: Well, it is getting pretty late. Okay, I’ll bring a snack next week, and then we can start putting a calendar together to take turns with the snack. (Thinks) Maybe we should bring some beer too.

Sue: Bob, I hate to ask you this, and don’t feel like you have to because I don’t want you to feel pressured, but could you walk me to my car just in case Jerry is still out there. You don’t really have to though. I have mace in my purse….

Bob: Sure Sue, let me just grab my stuff. (Thinks to himself) Just another day at OAA.


18 thoughts on “OAA: Week Four

  1. love it, Hobbler… Jerry’s cool – maybe he could be a homeless blogger (I’ve actually virtually met a couple since I’ve been here at WP)…

    hugs and peace


      • I know one lady who was homeless (and isn’t now, but is moving) and has been writing everything on her Blackberry. I could not imagine! And some of her replies are just as long as her posts!!!

          • That would absolutely drive me crazy; the hunting and pecking on a phone. I don’t have a BB, but I can’t see myself doing anything large using that teeny keyboard…. 😆

              • I have a laptop and an external keyboard because I don’t like the keys on the laptop. Plus, my fingers don’t always work right (and I wear off the lettering on the keys) so in this case, bigger is better. 😉

                • yeah, that makes sense. I actually want a notepad, and their keyboards are only 84% or something of the regular size. I thik I would be okay though cause I have little fingers, and the cellphone blogging has trained me a little.

  2. After being stuck in conversations like this, I generally feel a need to chain smoke as a method of not punching someone.
    Well captured Hobs!

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