WP Group Therapy

Where to begin…

Okay, first of all, if you read this blog because I am often humorous, please bear with all the serious stuff for about a week or two. I am just working through some issues and will soon return to normal.

For the rest of you, I have a little problem. Maybe not so little…a problem. The weird thing is that I recently realized this, and I have kind of hinted around about it, but I haven’t come right out and said it. I still can’t decide if I want to tell or not. It is one of those things that is a little embarrassing. I already said that if 20 people join my MS Walk team, by the end of March, I will tell something I have never told anyone, so I figure I will at least wait until then to say it.

The thing is, maybe this should be something I get professional help for. Maybe I am making a bigger deal of it than what it really is. Maybe it is just something that happened due to the circumstances of my life now.

Regardless, I can’t drive. That is not the secret, but since I can’t drive, the idea of me seeing a regular specialist about this possible disorder is not really an option. I already skip doctors appointments because it is hard to find transportation. Well, maybe I could find it, but it is hard to ask for it, especially for something that is not a necessity.

WordPress already feels like therapy to me. I can express myself and my emotions better here than anywhere else. There are also all of you. I love hearing different insights and opinions on things, and I think it is helpful to get several different suggestions on how to best handle things.

What I am trying to say here, is that I would like for you to be my therapists for this issue. It really is not something that people would actually need to see in order to give advice and offer suggestions as to how to deal with it. I must admit that I am a little concerned about how you all would handle it. Would you be disgusted by it? Would you pity me? Would you not care? I don’t know, so if you would, please tell me. If I was to share this problem with you, how would you handle it? I know that might be hard, not knowing what the problem is, but I am pretty sure I am going to tell it regardless, I just want to get a little idea of what will happen when I do. I don’t want it to change anything between us.

So, that’s it. I have a problem, you are my confidants, and I want to be able to trust you to give me your honest opinions, and not let it change the way you feel about me. Thanks.

56 thoughts on “WP Group Therapy

  1. The question may not be how “we” will handle your speaking your truth because you can’t control other people’s opinions. Are you ready to handle speaking your truth? I am a fan of truth and believe that secrets fester inside like infection. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we all the do the best we can at the time. My reservation comes from your statement about not going to drs because of transportation issues which shows me you might devalue your worth. I am disabled differently but the issue of asking for help has been one of my hardest hurdles. Harder than money even. So follow your heart and I for one will be support for you along the way.

    • Thank you. I am sorry to hear about your disability. Yeah, asking for help stinks. My biggest problem is that the “handicapped ride” service only goes to my town, and most of my dr.s live outside the edges of the town. I started going to physical therapy, and that is typically twice a week. My mother-in-law usually takes me to that, and I don’t think she minds, but asking other people is hard.

      Half the problem is that since I have been homebound for…ever, I have backed away from a lot of real friendships. People would have to always pick me up, or come to my house. Some of their houses are hard to get into or move around in with a walker. I feel like I don’t call people very much, they don’t call me either, but I don’t want my old friends to think that I am only going to call when I need something. It is weird. I have occasionally called just to see how people are doing, but even then, the conversations seemed strained. I have a few friends who don’t seem to be much different, but one lives farther away, and another is a lot older, with her own health problems. Another close friend is just busy with kids, and she is a leader in the church I used to go to.

      Sorry for unloading all that on you. Basically I hate and love leaving my house. I wish I could just get away by myself, but that does not seem to be in the cards for me.

    • Thanks for supporting and encouraging me through this. I really feel better now that I have just come out with it, and everyone is being so supportive.

    • Thanks for supporting and encouraging me through this. I really feel better now that I have just come out with it, and everyone is being so supportive and nice.

  2. It’s up to you whether you want to share whatever it is. Like mountainmae said, once you put it out there, it’s there for anyone who wanders over (unless you make your blog (or the post)) private.
    That said, your regular commenters generally seem like they will take whatever it is seriously…
    Be prepared for a whole range of conflicting advice though.

    And if you have medical insurance, see if there is some sort of option for transportation to and from doctors.

    • Thanks EG. I am pretty sure people will handle it well, and conflicting advice might be helpful in this situation. Then I can try different ways to deal with it.

      As far as the insurance, the ride in my town is free, and my insurance will give me a discount on taxi service. There is also a medical van that could take me and my wheelchair, so I wouldn’t have to use the walker, but I haven’t tried them yet.

        • I need to, there is just a whole process to go through…The thing is, people who know me in real life would love to help. I know that, but I feel like I am being needy or just a pain if I call and ask.

          MS has been chipping away at my pride for years now, but I absolutely hate feeling like I am not independant. I feel better about skipping appointments than I do about asking for help. It is definitely a mental issue, and I know I need to just get over it.

  3. You know we never signed up for the MS walk just to peek in your closet right? You don’t have to reveal a secret based on that, only if you really want to if you think we can help get some perspective.

      • I’ve been away, just saw your last post and you let me rabble on about Hoarders before! Can’t recall what I said though?! It is a predicament I’ve always wondered about – whether they see the problem before it gets out of hand.

        You’re aware of the problem now which is a good thing, and looking to resolve it, this is an important step as I feel too often the problem is not faced soon enough and then it is too daunting a case to resolve easily. So you’re on the right track already.

        There are many reasons for hoarding so you need to identify those reasons and resolve them. From my limited experience of it, my partner won’t throw anything out and has clothes filling up built in wardobes the whole length of the bedroom, nothing is worn,but they also fight weight issues which is connected to the clothes as half the clothes are from 10-15 years ago when they were skinny and they have an attachment to them as they remembered being happier with their weight in these clothes, but I tell them these clothes will never be of use as despite the weight now, these sizes were super skinny and even if they lost the excess weight now they would still not fit as your body natually changes so you cannot fit into your teenage clothes whatever you try. Also they are so out of fashion, you couldn’t wear them anyway, but their attachement is still there. The other half of the wardrobe are new clothes, all with labels on and too small for them, as they buy in the hope of fitting into them, money is no issue so I say just buy what you need for now, if you lose weight buy else something then.

        It’s almost like the weight issue needs tackling before the hoarding of clothes as it’s all related. But it is also their confidence affected as they don’t enjoy socialising.

        We have made inroads lately and have been allowed to throw some things out (4 big bags full) and also 2 big bags of clothes we have started selling on ebay, sold 4 items for total £76 which is pretty good, so seeing that perked them up as it didn’t seem so wasteful and encouraged them to deal with it more.

        Sory to rant on about my experience but it may help to see you’re not alone. You have already identified why you buy certain items, but I would only try and show the other perspective that something may be useful later on but if you are not going to use it now then try and hold off buying it. Try and look at what you have already that can be used instead or adapted for use. You haven’t mentioned what sort of things you buy so it’s hard to think about that but for example my partner loves desserts (see the weight issue) and bought a piping bag for cakes, they don’t cook so have no idea why they bought this, I said if we needed one I would just cut the corner off a plastic food bag and use that as a makeshift piping bag, saves washing all the mess out of a proper one too as I would just throw it away afterwards and saves money.

        You don’t need to throw away many things that are of sentimental value, and it’s better to keep them and find better ways to store them so they are readily available and kept in better condition, and it’s a good project in itself to find ways to keep your childrens schoolwork so you can look at them better and not have to find them amongst other things. Some other people gave you some good advice there so worth looking into. Maybe your children can help create this with you, get them involved and being creative.

        Maybe the hoarding isn’t the main issue, often it’s for a sense of control, when other things are a problem and you have no control of it, it seems hoarding is a manifestation of this as it allows you control over things, and this is why when it gets too much of a problem it is harder to deal with as that control over your things is threatened when someone who doesn’t understand tries to throw things away. I know you’ve mentioned your frustation and not getting out of the house lately and maybe this is manifesting itself in your problem, that you are at home a lot and surrounding yourself with more things is the manifestation of that frustration?

        If you are ready to tackle the problem and are confident you can part with some things now, try and sell them, or donate to charity, have a yard sale and do something positive with the funds you make, use it towards somethinig that you and your family can do together.

        But you will need to tackle the issue behind it for the long term good. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, if they are true friends they will help you.

        Try and refocus the energy spent on buying possessions that you think will benefit your family, as the most benefit for a family is a happy home environment, you don’t need possessions to achieve that. You’re amazing and a great mother so that’s all your family need.

        • The thing with your partner makes perfect sense. I don’t hoard, but I am interested in the psychology behind it. When it comes to weight issues, many people have things that they don’t throw out even if they are not hoarders. The possibility of one day returning to a point in your life where you are more satisfied with your body and looks in general, causes a lot of us to cling to clothes and other posessions.

          I do agree with your point through. They will be out of fashion, and they will probably not fit the same way regardless. It is hard though. I can totally see why the attatchemnt would linger. I don’t like socializing much either. It is hard when you are not confident in your self to want to be around others, so that part makes sense too. I think selling some of those clothes on ebay is a wonderful idea, and it is a great way to kind of show everyone (including yourself) that the things you were holding on to, are valuable.

          I love desserts, and the piping bag makes sense, especially if your partner bakes, but yeah, a plastic bag works too. I bought some specialty cake pans, and we have a cupcake holder that I rarely use. We also have a whole section of the cabinet full of icing, sprinkles, etc. The biggest problem with stuff like that it they are occasionally useful, so it is easy to justify keeping them.

          Children’s artwork? Someone suggested scanning them, and I think that is a great idea. We could just burn them to a disk at that point.

          As far as the “hoarding isn’t the main issue”, I know that you know that this was an elaborate April Fools thing, but I think that many of you people who care about me have touched on a lot of real issues. I think there is that loss of control, and although I don’t surround myself with material things, I think I surround myself with emotional things instead. In all honesty, my mind is kind of like a hoarders house. I have so many things crammed in there, it is hard to even know where to start cleaning that out. In some ways, it is worse than having material stuff because when you push things inside, and fill your heart and your thoughts, it is easy to become cynical. I definitely have become that. I’ve lost a lot of faith in a lot of different things recently, and it is hard to start going through ever thought and emotion to figure out what is actually causing the problem.

          The family stuff you said is just so true, with the happy home stuff, and we are definitely not there right now. “Amazing and a great mother” is so sweet of you to say, but I’m not sure how true that is. One of the areas where I have lost faith is my worth. I sometimes feel completely unnecessary. I have a lot of real depression, and part of the current problem is that since I have started blogging, I feel a little more confident about myself, so it is easy to spend way too much time on here. I just need to balance things, but writing, especially blogging because of the quick feedback…it is something that just feels so good. I have confidence in what I am doing here, but not in a lot of what I do in real life. I crave, hunger for, and need the positive encouragement and adult interaction in general that I get here. I just can’t hoard that too. I don’t know if that makes sense, but you are wonderful SU, and thank you for sharing a bit of your life and heart with me.

          • I’m still mad at you 🙂

            Just catching up with other blogs and a few other prans there, I’ve strated a list and you will all be punished!

            Blogging is a great way to gain confidence, only a few friends read mine and I haven’t bothered telling most of them. I didn’t have much hobbies before doing this and did nothing of any creative worth which I always did younger so it has restored a belief in myself. It’s just as valid as anything in real life though, we can do what we like here whereas we could be restricted in real life. We’re learning loads from complete strangers – it’s completely valuable to me and people listen to each other. In real life that can often not happen, with some of my friends it’s just who shouts the loudest! I think people here are funnier and more interesting and far more talented writers than people employed to do those jobs – it’s great!

  4. People quit shocking me decades ago. You can admit whatever is in your heart, and there are going to be a lot of people that will try to help you. That being said, be sure to know what it is exactly you are really looking for. The only problem I find with Internet Therapy is, when we want to make ourselves feel a little less guilty about something we are doing, we can always find someone on the net to help us out. And that can, in turn, give you excellent excuses to present to yourself, thus irradicating the need to fix a problem.

    I have my own problems with therapy, so I understand using the resources that you trust the most. Is there someone that you trust their advice that you could do this personally to? Maybe through an email?

    It sounds like you are really struggling with something…I’d hate for someone to purposely or accidentally make it all worse for you….

    — Bird

    Just my own opinion…

  5. I do hope that you have at least one person in the real world to whom you can confide. One of the functions of group therapy is accountability, and it will be a challenge to provide that without knowing specifics. I don’t blame you one tiny bit for not revealing personal stuff to strangers, but I hope you have someone in your life you can be totally honest with.

    • Thanks. I think that with this thing, it might be better to tell all of you instead of real life people. It is just a weird situation, but hopefully once it is out there, and people know the whole truth, it will bring me even closer to some of you. My biggest fear is that once you know the full story, you will think that it is some sick joke or something.

    • Thanks for supporting and encouraging me through this. I really feel better since I have just come out with it, and everyone is being so supportive.

  6. Listen, Hobs – I just want to say right up front that I would treat you the same whether you remained a woman or went through with the transgender surgery. I treat everyone the same on here. Well, maybe in a tiered way, depending on how much silliness I think they can take. I’m pretty sure that you can take a lot, and I can understand why you’d want to become a man so you could ‘give’ a lot – amirite! Yeah. Anyway, good luck with this difficult decision, though honestly, I’d probably just stay a woman because you have more freedoms in certain areas of derangement and abuse that go away when you’re a dude.

    Wyhat about your husband? Have you talked to him? Maybe after a couple extra meds?

    • You know this is serious right? Well, not as serious as my drug addiction, but still a pretty big deal. You also haven’t joined my MS Walk team as far as I know, so maybe I won’t even tell you. I probably will because you represent the psychotic population in whatever advice you give me, but still. Anyway, I don’t want to be a man. If I had a sex change, who would make dinner and give my kids clean clothes. I’d be too busy watching tv and scratching myself. (Just joking, husband if you ever read my blog, I know you work a lot). Anyway, this thing is not that serious…just serious enough for me to need all of you people’s input. The most creative people in the world are on here, and advice from you all would be wonderful.

      • No, Hobs. I don’t know this is serious. I don’t know anything about it whatsoever, and neither does anyone else. You haven’t said anything other than oblique references, eventually deciding that everything will be fine. So I’m in the dark, and when I’m in the dark, I glow. Besides, I was going to tell you that… oh, never mind. Well, … no, I can’t.

        I know what I would do, but my way doesn’t work for everyone. I would just come out with it right away. Unfortunately, I don’t really have anything that drastic or interesting, so one day when I was changing the filter in my mind I just sort of… I just didn’t put another one in.

  7. I have a very wise friend [well more than one] that reminds me that when I am asking others for permission to be myself, tell it like it is. It is because I have a problem with me as I am. I have found that to be true EVERY TIME. So I would say, embrace yourself for who and what you are. Then you can show or in this case tell us all what’s happening without being concerned at all about how we will feel about it. The truth is, those who can’t handle us the way we are, WILL leave. Which makes room for those who can. Perhaps part of our fear is in the thoughts of who might leave? Hmmm? That question is as much for me as you. Thank you for having the courage to put this out there. See, me being here with you, teaches me something about me.

    • That sounds like wonderful advice. Everyone is being so great, I kind of feel bad. Like maybe I am making a bigger deal of this than what it really is. I just appreciate everyone’s openness and honesty. There are several things that I could use therapy for, that is for sure. One of the great things about WordPress is that we can build these relationships that are purely mental, and emotional. No physical qualities to get in the way. I honestly feel so honored to have all of you take a little time out of your day to support someone that you don’t even know in real life. Funny thing is, sometimes I feel like you all know me better than anyone else. I suppose I could use therapy for that issue too. 😉

      I think this weekend I will just spend some time figuring out how to say what I want to say. I just want to take a little time to really proccess everything, and the weekdays are too busy with the kids school and activities and stuff. Just please know, no matter what, that I really appreciate all of the concern that you, and everyone really, has shown.

    • Thanks for supporting and encouraging me through this. I really feel so much better now that I have just come out with it, and everyone is being so supportive.

  8. Do what you need to do! Those who support you will stay & others may drift away, but in itself that may be an answer to a question you didn’t even know to ask. If you feel comfortable revealing something personal, go for it. But you don’t have to, we love you just the way you are too! Sometimes I wish I could bare my soul to my fellow bloggers, but I don’t have the luxury of revealing too much about myself because I have a stalker. And then the thought comes to me – what is put out on the web stays forever – would I want this to come back & bite me some time in the future? Just things to think about . . .

    • I appreciate your thoughts on this. I’m actually a little worried that people are getting too worried about me. This issue is something that is not life threatening in any way. It is just an issue that some people have. It alters their lives, as it does mine, but in a more frustrating way because it is one of those hidden things. Like a skeleton in the closet. Anyway, sorry to hear about your stalker, I just have a few people I pretend to stalk. Stalking games are fun, but I know there are plenty of real stalkers out there.

      On another note…you seem to be up late a lot. I am too, and I wake up in the middle of the night often (like now). Anyway, I hope you are getting some rest now. 🙂

      • Because I live in Western Canada what seems late may not be as late for me. I admit I am up a bit later than usual lately because I’m between assignments so I have a few unplanned days off. I know what you mean about playful stalking & I enjoy playfully stalking Edward Hotspur sometimes. I just have to play some of my information close to my chest to not let my real “stalker stalker” know who & where I am.

          • On the stalker issue: A couple of cities ago a former friend started making threatening phone calls to me at all hours of the day & night, I would see them outside my work or my residence from time to time. I knew a secret about them they couldn’t afford for anyone else to know. They would show up in restaurants I was eating in, etc. So I moved & now I don’t want them to find me again.
            Does the MS virtual walk team actually involve walking because I am unable to do any walking. I’ll check it out.

            • That is scary. I don’t blame you for being careful. The virtual walk doesn’t require anything really, it is just supporting the cause and helping to raise awareness. I’m going to make a t-shirt with the blogger names of people who support me to wear on the day of the event, so you’ll be walking with me that way. Actually, I can’t walk either, but you’ll be rolling with me. 😉

          • Registered on the site as a virtual walker, can’t really walk much more than to my vehicle any more. Would have made a donation but site asked for the verification code on my MC & my husband would kill me if I gave it out. Will work something out between us personally to get a small donation to you.

    • Thanks for supporting and encouraging me through this. I really feel better now that I have just come out with the problem, and everyone is being so supportive.

  9. Hobbler, I am new to your blog but I can honestly say I can’t think of anything (well maybe a couple of things but they are really sick nd twisted things) that would shock me any more and I certainly try not to judge anyone and I’m honest and will give my opinion if asked. From the sounds of the comments you have many good friends who are here to listen and support you whatever it is.

    Good luck

    • I just really hope that when all is said and done, I don’t lose any friends over it. I am working on the post about it now, but I really want to wait and be sure I am ready for any reaction that comes from this situation. Thanks so much for caring.

    • Thanks for supporting and encouraging me through this. I really feel better now that I have just come out with it, and everyone is being so helpful.

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