I almost died today. More serious than last time I said that.

Hmmm, where to begin…the police? Being pushed around? That strange guy picking me up? Other people asking me if I was okay?

Just so you know, I am okay. You didn’t think this evil genius would be defeated so easily right?

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who was locked in a tower. She became bored often with the tower that she never wanted to clean, so when the opportunity came to run an errand at the local homicide market, she happily seized the moment.

The errand went well, much to her astonishment, since she had to weave her way through mazes, with demons lurking all around. Since she made it through the homicide market in record time, she decided to run a less important errand to the land of “Spending on Junk”.

After she spent her well-earned time and plenty of money in the Spending part of town, she prepared for the return journey home. She organized the merchandise she had wasted her money on and departed at a steady clip toward her tower which she kept wishing would have magically cleaned itself.

She was less than a mile away, when suddenly and without warning her steed stopped mid stride. Weirdeth, she thought, and attempted to bribe, coerce, coax, etc. her steed into moving. Alas, it was not to be.

To make matters worse, her horse had stopped in the middle of an extreme danger zone. Demons were riding around on monstrosities designed to tear limbs away from bodies, and other horrendous things. Maybe I could push him to a safer area the princess thought to herself, but then remembered the night many years ago when a “let’s make life harder than it already is” angel of mischief touched her body. Her health had deteriorated since then to the point where she could only push things, especially heavy things with the help of her steed, which needed help now.

She got her magic summoner out of her side pouch and summoned the dark lords of the homicide market to attempt to earn some sympathy before being torn apart by the mad dash of demons who would rather play with their own summoning devices than watch who might be in the way of their exit from hell.

Then, a white-haired maiden appeared out of no where and asked the princess if she needed help. The princess was very grateful for the assistance in getting out of the middle of the road. The white-haired maiden pushed the princess and her steed into a shady spot in hell’s parking lot. Soon the princess was approached by others who offered their own assistance, and her fairy mother in law came and picked up the stuff from the “Spending on Junk” store. Her fairy mother in law also went to the princess’s house to assist the princesses pets in entering the house when they got done with obedience school.

Meanwhile, an officer of the law found the princess and used his summoning device to summon a strange man with a “steed equipped” van to transport the princess and her steed home.

The end.

Kind of, except now the princess is down one magical steed and must use her donkey to transport her around, while she waits on the steed vets to fix whatever is wrong with her bigger/stronger ride. Hopefully whatever it is will be under some kind of warranty because those particular steeds are about 30,000 dollars. (Someone is obviously ripping someone off with those things).

The more real for being a fairy tale end.

This still might not be as serious as what it, in theory could be, but it was the middle of the exit ofΒ a highschool parking lot when school was getting out. If that isn’t death-defying, I don’t know what is.

103 thoughts on “I almost died today. More serious than last time I said that.

    • I hope not too, it wouldn’t turn on or anything. I wish they would give me a newer, faster motor…that would make it worth it, but yeah, I have seen probably 20 wrecks right around that area. Those kids don’t pay attention to anything, especially when they are in a hurry to get out of there.

    • It sucks too because school is almost done for the year, and I was hoping to take my daughter at least one more time. Next year she will be full day. Anyway, thanks for caring.

  1. This sounds nightmarish. I know high school drivers, especially at around 2:30. They change into other-worldly creatures about that time. Leave it to you to make it a fairy tale. So glad you are okay, and I hope the dying steed can be resurrected and is still under warranty.

  2. Eek!!! So glad you made it out of there OK. I avoid the high school area completely when they get out for the day. Hope that it’s only something minor wrong with your ride. (Had no idea they were that expensive!)

  3. Relieved you’re alright, Hobs.
    Sounds like an awful experience.
    Glad your safe in the tower, and hope you and your steed are ready for new (safer) adventures soon!

  4. The world needs more fairy tales of such brilliance. I look forward to future volumes, such as ‘The Loyal Steed and the Steed Repair Barn’ and “Oh Snap, The Maiden Must Scratch Up Cash For A New Loyal Steed’…

  5. Darn You. I want to hug you and heck I don’t know… I am so glad you are ok. There is a reason that people like you (me timid?) have a voice. Where Do I Start Yelling?

  6. Holy crappage! That sounds like a nightmare! When my boys were just starting to drive I was white-knuckled being IN the car with them… I can’t even imagine being stuck on a dud stud… errr… steed trying to dodge them! I’m so glad you’re okay πŸ™‚

    • Thank you. It was scary…it all worked out ok though. Well, I hope it goes okay, we still don’t know what’s wrong but at least I made it home.

  7. Could be a market for a wheelchair towing service, I might pitch it on dragons den. I’m on my phone so I hope this posts properly and not as anonymous poster or will look like an asshole. what a nightmare though, hope its sorted soon. x

  8. That was scary… I’m so glad you’re okay and thankful too, silently praying to bless the kind heart maiden who assisted and all those who offered πŸ™‚

    • Yeah, it could have been a lot worse, if I was crossing a major intersection or something, but those highschoolers are crazy drivers. I hope your chair never goes out on you. By the way, do you mind me asking why you are in a wheelchair? Mine is MS and a broken hip, but I was just curious about yours.

      • Hey Hobbs, Sorry to only answer now but your comment has surfaced as unanswered on this new notifications format.
        I have IBM Inclusion Body Myositis which is a neuromuscular disorder auto immune disease. Not many of us about πŸ™‚

        • It’s okay. I’ve been away too. I am sorry to hear about your disease, but thanks for telling me what it is. I always like questions, but I worry sometimes that other disabled people wont.

  9. Well, THAT sucked . . . didn’t it. LOL! (wry smile) “Help I’ve fallen and I can’t move my ass!” is a kinda sucky feeling; I know. And H.S. parking lots are hell. Hell, any parking lot is hell come quitting time! (just watch the workers rushing home). But hey: big ol’ beefy (and 30K) steed . . . whutta mockery of their vision and sales pitch (“We’ll get you anywhere! Except THERE – where you wanna go . . .”). . . . $70 per battery? Are you kidding? Those are just little ol’ trolling motor batteries – I know, I’ve got one (a steed). Takes two of them. Gonna redo them (the batteries) myself when I get to the point where I am willing to ride the damn thing. (Wife won’t let me and I don’t want to – not yet, anyway.)

    Glad you made it . . . oddly enough, I don’t think you were in any ‘danger’ – but got a lot of strange looks, no doubt!
    Odder still that it took so long for someone to get off their ass and help you. And older man, huh? You’da thunk it would have been one of those kids . . . just goes to show how their parents are raising them . . .

    ’nuff said. I gotta go de-nut some trees I own . . . .

    • Thanks Jeff. I am just glad it is over, and I hope it doesn’t cost too much to fix whatever is wrong. You pay to have the guy come out and check it, and then you pay for anything not under warranty. As far as the kids? They were way too busy texting and driving to notice a wheelchair in the road.

      • Ah, yes, the new curse – and hazard of driving . . .

        Airbags come with that chair? Any chance you could strap a couple of kids to it to do the same thing? πŸ˜‰ LOL!

        Keep your helmet on and your batteries charged . . . what else can I say!

        It will cost too much. It always does and whatever it is is never under warranty, LOL. You know how that goes! But as an old ex-mechanic (yeah, I did that, too) I can tell ya: typically its something small . . . lets just hope it’s not too expensive, ey? Good luck!

  10. Whatever were you doing Hobbles? Don’t you know you could have been killed? I hope you at least remembered to put on clean underwear. Please keep us up to date on the repairability of your steed.

  11. Hobbs! That’s …omg.. what if something happened to you and I was gone and ..ah.. I’m glad your ok.. no one told me you almost died.. I don;t think I am helping… but I am glad you are ok πŸ™‚

  12. Does this magical high school also have one exit and one entrance but everyone goes out the wrong way because it’s quicker? My HS was like that. It made for lots of accidents.

    Did I read the word “weirdeth” somewhere in there? I swore I did now I can’t find it. It had me laughing, but maybe in the long run it was my imagination.

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