I think I hate it. I love it too, but I feel a compulsion to do it, even if I can’t think of anything to write. It torments me. Do all writers feel that? I might be overanalyzing…

The thing is, sometimes I think it is the only thing I do well. Not all the time, some of my writings are stupid or just weird, but some of it is good.

What is it that makes it easier to write than to do things like file? I hate paperwork. Mail…it gives me shivers. It is like the demon from a torture/scary story. Mocking me. Sitting on the desk like piles of animosity. It makes its way through the mail, threatening to drown me in its bs. I don’t fear paper-cuts on my fingers…I fear the icy grip of death from opening a bill that I didn’t know I had.

The thought of my kids going back to school next month, although good for many reasons, also concerns me because of the piles of papers that they will bring home. Then you are forced to decide which of their precious projects you will save. You are obligated to weed through the garbage to find the signature forms for field trips or sign up sheets for snack or whatever.

You know why the flames of hell are so hot? Because hell is full of a never-ending supply of paper that laughs at you while it burns, then reappears behind you sticking it’s tongue out. I think that’s in the Bible somewhere…

Anyway, I have papers to ignore, so I had better quit writing.

24 thoughts on “Writing

  1. Writing is *&%$ing hard. And the more honest it is, the harder it is. I have written things that are good that I despise. I’ll tell myself, “Oh that sucked,” but then I go back and re-read it. And inevitably, it’s not the writing, it’s the feelings it invokes in me. I think it was Hemingway who said, “Writing is easy. You just sit down at the typewriter and bleed.”

    Seriously, who would want to do that? We must all be a bunch of masochists…

    • So true. I have learned the hard way that I am not as masochistic as I thought I was, but I do enjoy the pain of being a writer. I have heard that writing for some is not a choice, something they have to do. I feel that way. Like if I didn’t I would go crazy. Sometimes I think I already have gone crazy though. For real. It scares me…until I take a Xanax and forget to care. 😉 I will write about Xanax soon. I’m trying to get off it and wondering if I should.

  2. Dimples and I have gone round and round on the papers from school. She used to want to save everything. Lately, we’ve been taking pictures of her favorite projects, and then she is totally fine with me throwing them away. I don’t know how we lived before the digital world.

    • I have to do that. We even have a scanner now. Sigh…okay confession time, I wouldn’t do that well either because I procrastinate. I have an area on the desk that I put all the stuff from the kids in, and when I can’t fit anything in there, I purge. I am like a paper bulimic…bingeing and purging. I need to do the scanner or the picture thing, but the odds of me keeping up with that are slim too. Maybe I should just make some paper-chains and chain myself to the desk until I take care of the stuff…

  3. I struggle with writing every day- I have alot of ideas but can’t seem to get them down.

    And, those paper piles from school are still sitting in a chair waiting for me to go thru them. Sigh.

    • I purged our kids papers before we went to NE, but I just picked the cute stuff and shoved it into an already overflowing file for it. It stinks. I planned on making my kids each a scrapbook when they graduated. My oldest did in May, I think hers has two pages, and her sister did one. I’m really horrible at that.

  4. I think the answer has something to do with “flow”. Being in flow and watching the words flow and creating for its own sake.There is only limited creativity with mail and filing. No scrapbooko here either. Rather a memory draw, that serves the purpose equally well.

    • That makes perfect sense. I find no creativity in mail and filing whatsoever. Maybe I should learn to fold bills into paper airplanes or something. I still probably wouldn’t really look at them though. A memory draw sounds much more practical than a scrapbook anyway.

  5. Writing about writing is a right, right?
    Pulling words out of my soul is like pulling a baby out of my left nostril. Yes, I am giving birth to something, but it hurts… and sometimes it starts off as a slimy, deformed, screaming little brat, and then I have to raise it and nurture it and help it grow to be a … you see what I mean…

  6. I have to write. HAVE TO. Just like you said, even if it’s crap. It’s a fire within and I don’t do it for fame or monetary rewards or anything like that, I don’t even have the desire to ‘perfect my craft’ because I enjoy it in my own form. It’s my art. I feel ya…

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