Yep, me again.
Well, it should be me, cause this is my blog, but anyway…
Why am I doing these “to my husband” posts? There is that aspect of building a friendship, but also because I want you to know that I think about you. Not only when I’m mad either.
The thing is, sometimes I think that as time goes on and relationships get…old…it is easier to use time, energy, conversation, etc. on necessary or negative stuff. Stuff like fixing the garbage disposal. 😉
The good part about that habit is that we can cut to the chase and accomplish much more than if we sat around saying nice things. Plus, saying nice things all the time would get boring.
Downside is that at the end of the day, it is relatively easy to feel needed and almost impossible to feel wanted. At least wanted for anything other than the services we offer.
So, I’m not sure exactly how writing to you late at night is supposed to help, but I can write, you know? I’m doing something I love to do, and something I am a little good at, and I am dedicating this time and this thought to you. Would it be nice for me to dedicate time and thought to you when you are awake? Of course, but so many things compete for that time, and I’m not good at a lot of other things.
Not as good as I am at writing. Writing is a really solitary activity, and I guess maybe I feel like by writing to you, it lets you into my mind a little. Into my heart a little. Letting people in is not always easy. I’ve worked really hard to not let people in. At least not people who are close/real enough to hurt me. Real enough to be hurt by me.
Blog friendships are easy because you can be better than who you really are. It’s easy to be happy, fun, etc for a few paragraphs or comments. If you are in a bad mood, don’t write, or write a vent. No one can see your bad attitude, or depression, or that you haven’t changed out of your pajamas. If you didn’t see all that, our marriage would probably be easier too. But life isn’t all about having things easy. Some of life is very hard. A lot of it sucks, as a matter of fact.
So, thanks for going through it with me.
Night H.H. I love you.