I don’t really know what to say.
Okay…I don’t know exactly how I got to the point that started this whole thing. I could say that I was on a million drugs and they helped me not to feel. They helped me take narcissism to the next level. I think a lot of bloggers are a tad narcissistic in general. Sorry if that offends anyone reading this, but if it does offend, you are probably a narcissist.
Anyway, even if no one else is, I was selfish. Muted emotions helped me to justify whatever I felt like doing. The problem with that way of thinking, other than the selfishness of it, is that you don’t care who you hurt. (I am not saying that everything is the medication’s fault, but it did play a big part). Now that I backed way off the medications, I still struggle with selfishness, but I recognize it…at least some of the time. Feeling things is pretty horrible now, but it will be good in the long run.
So, I guess this post is an apology. I’m truly sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry I didn’t really care. I do love you, and I want things to work out between us. I keep thinking that it is too late, but maybe it’s not. It is worth trying.
Night H.H. , (those initials stand for Hobbler’s husband, if you were wondering) I hope you are having sweet dreams.