OAA: The Final Chapter, and I need your help

This is the final post in the OAA series. A big thanks to all of you who have followed the overanalyzing fun. If you have read the series, I would really appreciate a brief review of it. I am in the process of submitting it to drama companies in hopes of an actual performance, and reviews will help with that process. Please help me with this.

For the past several weeks, the OAA members have been in their building (which is surrounded by poop) held hostage at gunpoint by Jerry. Joe had escaped by cab after ordering pizzas for the group.

Still Week 9

Jerry: When are those pizzas going to be here?

Bob: (Very depressed) I don’t know Jerry. Joe probably took off or something. You can’t blame him.

(Pizza guy comes through the door): We have an order here for (looks at notes) Bob?

Bob: Jerry is the one with the money.

Jerry: What is your deal Bob? You look like you’re about to jump off a bridge.

Bob: (Shakes his head)

Jerry: How much man?

Pizza guy: $81.95

Jerry: What? That is robbery!

Pizza guy: Hey, you got Piggy’s Pizza. Your wallet needs to be as fat as you are. You aren’t too fat though. You looked like you walked in off the street.

Jerry: Just take the money. (Pizza guy takes the money and leaves) (To everyone in the group) Where is Joe anyway?

Everyone starts looking through the pizzas and starts eating, ignoring the question.

Jerry: (Between bites) Okay, I don’t think Joe is coming back, and I’ve heard enough from all of you to write a book.

Listen, you all are some messed up people. I think you’re going to need a lot more than a measly support group to help you. Has anyone here tried medication?

Sue: I was on allergy medication once, but it made me really sleepy. It also made my eyes water. Maybe that was the allergies making them water…

Bill: Medications are part of the government’s plan to make us dependent on them and their “miracle” drugs.

Jill: I was on Xanax for a while, and Valium, but I felt like they were making me paranoid.

Jack: Although I understand how some people need medications, I have never really found them necessary. It seems to me like the need for medication is often the result of an underlying mental condition. Sure, there are people out there who have physical symptoms too, but if you really think about it, aren’t illnesses part of a deeper psychological cause? Long ago people were not on nearly as many medications as they are now. Actually, that is probably not being fair to the people with legitimate medical issues. I would certainly hate for people to assume that I had mental problems when I actually have some illness that mental…

(As Jack is talking, Bob begins quietly sneaking up behind Jerry. He reaches him and grabs the gun from his hand).

Bob: What! This isn’t even real?

Jerry: I may not be a rocket scientist, but I’m not an idiot. You think I would be dumb enough to bring a loaded gun in here? With you freaks?

Sue: How could you Jerry? All this time we have been so scared. The only good thing that has happened is Bob confessing his love for me, and that would have been better under different circumstances. Something like a twilight stroll on the beach or a trip to Paris…

Jill: Jerry, you are more of a jerk than Bill is, and he can be pretty bad. I am so mad right now, I could almost kill you.

Bill: You’re an alright guy Jerry. Here I thought they had finally gotten through to you, and were trying to gather info on us, when all along you were just messing with us. I have a whole new respect for you.

Jack: I thought it might be a toy gun. It didn’t look as heavy as it would have if you were holding a real gun. I’m good at noticing things like that. I’m not bragging or anything. People are good at all sorts of different things. Just because I’m good at noticing stuff doesn’t mean your talents aren’t important. In some situations they might not be important, but there are a lot of situations that would require some of the lesser skills that other people have. For example, if…

Jerry: Okay Jack, we get it. Anyway, this is the most your group has accomplished in the whole time you’ve been doing this Bob, so you shouldn’t be too upset. It’s been fun, but I’ve got to go. You all have helped me realize that even though I’m an alcoholic, broke, and homeless, it could be much worse. I could be like you all are. Thanks for the pizza. (Leaves)

Sue: Wow, that was crazy. So, is the building really surrounded by poop, or was he faking that too?

Jill: What are you on Sue? Seriously…

Bill: This has been the best night yet Bob.

Jack: I’d better head out too. I need to see if Joe is okay. He might have gotten killed or something. You don’t think the pizza guy would have given him a ride out of here right? Maybe he was too embarrassed to come back in and talk about his tall Asian body. I hope the pizza guy didn’t tease him too much about it. He already is so insecure, and any additional comments might push him over the edge. I guess that happens when you overanalyze stuff.

Sue: Bye guys. So, Bob…

Bob: Yes, I’ll walk you to your car.

Sue: I thought maybe we could get some coffee or something too. You don’t have to. I just assumed since we both know how we feel about each other that we might want to take our relationship to the next level. I’m not talking about having sex or anything. Just dating a bit. Taking it from here you know? But if you don’t think you’re ready…

Bob: Why not Sue. It couldn’t get much worse than it already is, right?

© RFranklin and TheHobbler, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to RFranklin and Hobbling Around with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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8 thoughts on “OAA: The Final Chapter, and I need your help

  1. This is one of my favorite regular posts from you, but I don’t really know how to critique it for submission to drama companies. The only thing that I could say is that I would make the names a bit more unusual; otherwise it gets a bit confusing to keep the characters straight.

    • I was thinking maybe Matt and Nick for Joe and Jack. I can’t really change Bill and Jill or I’d have to change part of the story. Maybe I should have some two syllable names though. Jerry is the only one. I could do Matthew and Nicholas, or maybe Timothy or David or something. I could also change Bob or Jerry. I might be overanalyzing this.

      So, you liked the series? Would you write a little “I like this because” thing? I put the whole thing together and I took Becky and Cookie out. I didn’t feel like they really added much.

      I may post the whole thing over there, so if someone stumbles upon it they can read it if they want without having to find the earlier parts.

  2. I have been enjoying this and just before I forget I think you have one of Jerry’s lines listed as Bob’s. Here it’s this line —– (As Jack is talking, Bob begins quietly sneaking up behind Bob. He reaches him and grabs the gun from his hand). I don’t know how to critique it either, sorry. Although I am drugged up right now and my brain is kind of mushy LOL! Good luck!

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