Dream Walking

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Last night I had another dream where I could walk. I’ve had several in the past month. I don’t really know what to think about it. The thing is that I might be able to walk. Not now. My legs are pretty atrophied because of being in a wheelchair all the time.

Before I broke my hip I could walk. Kind of. Like someone who is drunk walks. Clinging to the walls. I had bruises all over from falling into walls or counters or whatever. Then I fell for the 50th time and my hip decided it had enough.

So, now I’m in a wheelchair almost all the time, although I occasionally use a walker.

And I’m dream walking. When I walk in my dreams I’m not clinging to walls or people or whatever, I’m walking pretty normal. I thought I might be able to run for a little way. I don’t know what to feel about it.

Sometimes I think I should try walking. Try to show my kids that if they put their minds to it, they can do things that people might not think you can do.

Then I think, what is the big deal about walking. I was more disabled when I feared open rooms because I wouldn’t have anything to hold on to. I literally hated going from the kitchen to the living room. It was about 10 feet. I had to cross that open space.

In a wheelchair open rooms just mean you can go faster.

Anyway, I don’t seriously talk much about being disabled, but I don’t know. I just needed to today. Thanks for listening.

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35 thoughts on “Dream Walking”

  1. It is a matter of comfort for you. Do it if YOU want to tell those who think you cannot you can. Do not do it to teach your children a lesson. Your heart will not be in it. ❤ Perhaps, your dreaming is to give you the confidence to try…

    • It seems pointless. Even if I can walk for a little now, my MS is progressive. It won’t last. I can get stuff done in my chair, but I’ll have to focus only on walking if I try. I don’t know though. I might just be making excuses.

  2. Not many people know this about me, but I suffer from something with my bones and joints that the doctors still have no idea what it is. If I don’t move constantly, they seize up like cement. Not a lot of fun for someone who’s dream was to be a Ballerina.

    I’ve been on prednisone for a while now and it sucks ass. There was a time when it was so bad that I barely worked or made it out of bed. That’s when I wrote my novel. I did a blog post about it here. I understand where you are coming from, believe me.

    http://heellisgoa.com/2011/10/26/welcome-to-the-thunderdome/

    In other news, I’ve got a project going that I would love for you to be a part of:

    http://heellisgoa.com/fcked-up-fairy-tales/

  4. You have a great attitude, and I envy that. Lately I’ve been feeling pretty negative. I think dreams are our minds way of showing us things we should know. You’re probably right, you probably could walk again, if you wanted to, but if you are content…be content.

      • If one more person tells me that I am too damn negative I just might implode. Now that would be funny, but then I would have something else to be negative about and to clean up. I think you have a pretty good attitude for someone dependent on wheels to get them around. I still have legs that operate most of the time if I can ignore the pain and the occasional sudden lurch to the side as I lose my balance, but I am too damn depressed to care about the good because the bad is such a large part of my life. I am either so depressed I don’t even drag myself out of bed or so manic I am bouncing off the walls and think I can do anyTHING. Neither is fun, yeah me!

        If you need to talk about dream-walking, then talk about it. We are here for you.

  5. I am Back Ms. H. You are NOT Capital “N” disabled! Period end of sentence. Got it???? Your Mind/Brain/Fingers have Enabled me to start Thinking again. I am Not dissing you at all but darn Girl you have so much to offer people like myself who feel sorry for my self for small s–t. I know you get unhappy and sad, Thank You for sharing it. I love this human part of you. Want something to Bit– about? unexpected company for 2 plus weeks… Hugs from Alabama. 🙂

  6. PS Remember the old “let your fingers do the walking for you” ads? yellow pages I think or some such. That is You. 😉

  8. You & me girl, you & me. Right now it’s OK to walk around our new apt. without my cane, but if I go outside & walk for even a little bit then I am so sore for days afterward that I can barely walk around the apt. anymore. So then I start all over again. I know what the walking dreams are like – I sometimes dream I can still do things I can’t do anymore. I think it’s just my mind enjoying good memories of what life was like (even if I’m doing things I have not done before in my dreams). As we get older, I think our dreams become more & more of things we did when we were younger (where the memories are sweeter). Do what you need to do for your comfort & enjoy the memories!

  10. I also want to say thanks for sharing. I know of other friends with a disability who has have walking dreams, which for them is not a possibility. The mind is a tricky animal. Whatever the case, your words are wonderfully agile.

  11. In my dreams, I often have long hair, even though I don’t really want long hair.

    If you really want to do it, be careful. Maybe try a little physical therapy first to strengthen both your hip and your legs. I don’t think walking is a be-all, end-all, but it is something that most of us take for granted.

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