It’s Not Me, It’s You

My second post in the journey to becoming someone I want to be with.

I can be a bitch. Sorry for the language, but that word is really the most appropriate. The thing is, sometimes I don’t feel good. Sometimes I am PMSy. Sometimes you are annoying (being honest here). Each of these things on its own could make you into someone you don’t want to be with, but the combination seals the deal.

This whole “wanting to be with me” thing keeps running through my mind. How can I be someone I like if I am pissed off or depressed all the time? I shouldn’t be too hard on myself I guess. It is only 95% of the time.

So, what should I do when I am annoyed? When I am so depressed that I have to drag myself out of bed? When life spits in your face then laughs about it?

Answer? Blame. Blaming someone else for your problems can make the problem hurt less. Don’t pretend you are above that. We all do it, even if we don’t always realize it.

The problem with the blame game is that often we blame those closest to us. Our spouse, our co-worker, our kids. In all fairness, they could have contributed to the problem, but if we really want to get along with ourselves, we at least have to take responsibility for our reactions to our circumstances.

So, how can we get out from under the weight of responsibility? Blame yourself. Not the self reading this, blame your bitchy self. Blame the depressed girl in your bed. If we can shift blame and guilt for our problems to the “you” that you don’t like, the you with potential to make different choices will have a chance to shine.

Realizing that even though there are a lot of things about life that suck, there are a few things that are really great. Knowing that sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn’t as good as it might sound when you are discouraged. Those are traits of the person I might want to be with.

That you needs to look the miserable one in the eye and say, “so you are sick, so you are pissed, so you think life sucks…that’s not me, it’s you”. Then get off your butt and do something worth doing. If you do, if you leave your bad mood with the crappy “you”, you will be one step closer to becoming someone you want to be with.

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20 thoughts on “It’s Not Me, It’s You

  1. Well played. (wry smile) Another “DID thing” we can do: shifting the blame onto “somebody else” – another person inside of us. For a long time that was a trouble – laying the ‘blame’ at some insider’s feet, mostly our inner child – as well as the teenagers sometimes. Fortunately we learned to ‘forgive’ him – and that’s another trick: learning to forgive yourself after you’ve done the ‘blame game’ sort of thing – and taking that angry girl (or boy) back inside of you – and forgiving yourself as well. For anything – everything – or sometimes . . . just nothing at all. For being human like we all are . . . sometimes. :/

  2. Love this post Hobbles! This is so insightful. I just worry if you slip back into the “other you” that you might feel even worse because you’ve laid a lot of blame there. So make sure you forgive the “other you” & shift some of the blame away from them before you bog them down with all the blame.

  3. All of us have our woe-is-me-moments. I had a really long pity part from age 14 to about age 19. Since it was an exceptionally long pity party, it got a lot of things out of my system. At the time, I felt that it was okay to blame others, but now I’m not sure that’s entirely fair.

    Anyway, I actually just came by to say hi and that I hope you’re doing okay.

    • Thanks L&L! Woe-is-me is sometimes the best thing you can do. Okay, maybe not, but sometimes it is necessary. 14-19 is an interesting age. I went through pity/anger/apathy/screw-it-lets-do-drugs period during those years. I wouldn’t go back to that age for anything. My parents probably appreciate that very much. I was hell then.

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