OAA: The Final Chapter, and I need your help

This is the final post in the OAA series. A big thanks to all of you who have followed the overanalyzing fun. If you have read the series, I would really appreciate a brief review of it. I am in the process of submitting it to drama companies in hopes of an actual performance, and reviews will help with that process. Please help me with this.

For the past several weeks, the OAA members have been in their building (which is surrounded by poop) held hostage at gunpoint by Jerry. Joe had escaped by cab after ordering pizzas for the group.

Still Week 9

Jerry: When are those pizzas going to be here?

Bob: (Very depressed) I don’t know Jerry. Joe probably took off or something. You can’t blame him.

(Pizza guy comes through the door): We have an order here for (looks at notes) Bob?

Bob: Jerry is the one with the money.

Jerry: What is your deal Bob? You look like you’re about to jump off a bridge.

Bob: (Shakes his head)

Jerry: How much man?

Pizza guy: $81.95

Jerry: What? That is robbery!

Pizza guy: Hey, you got Piggy’s Pizza. Your wallet needs to be as fat as you are. You aren’t too fat though. You looked like you walked in off the street.

Jerry: Just take the money. (Pizza guy takes the money and leaves) (To everyone in the group) Where is Joe anyway?

Everyone starts looking through the pizzas and starts eating, ignoring the question.

Jerry: (Between bites) Okay, I don’t think Joe is coming back, and I’ve heard enough from all of you to write a book.

Listen, you all are some messed up people. I think you’re going to need a lot more than a measly support group to help you. Has anyone here tried medication?

Sue: I was on allergy medication once, but it made me really sleepy. It also made my eyes water. Maybe that was the allergies making them water…

Bill: Medications are part of the government’s plan to make us dependent on them and their “miracle” drugs.

Jill: I was on Xanax for a while, and Valium, but I felt like they were making me paranoid.

Jack: Although I understand how some people need medications, I have never really found them necessary. It seems to me like the need for medication is often the result of an underlying mental condition. Sure, there are people out there who have physical symptoms too, but if you really think about it, aren’t illnesses part of a deeper psychological cause? Long ago people were not on nearly as many medications as they are now. Actually, that is probably not being fair to the people with legitimate medical issues. I would certainly hate for people to assume that I had mental problems when I actually have some illness that mental…

(As Jack is talking, Bob begins quietly sneaking up behind Jerry. He reaches him and grabs the gun from his hand).

Bob: What! This isn’t even real?

Jerry: I may not be a rocket scientist, but I’m not an idiot. You think I would be dumb enough to bring a loaded gun in here? With you freaks?

Sue: How could you Jerry? All this time we have been so scared. The only good thing that has happened is Bob confessing his love for me, and that would have been better under different circumstances. Something like a twilight stroll on the beach or a trip to Paris…

Jill: Jerry, you are more of a jerk than Bill is, and he can be pretty bad. I am so mad right now, I could almost kill you.

Bill: You’re an alright guy Jerry. Here I thought they had finally gotten through to you, and were trying to gather info on us, when all along you were just messing with us. I have a whole new respect for you.

Jack: I thought it might be a toy gun. It didn’t look as heavy as it would have if you were holding a real gun. I’m good at noticing things like that. I’m not bragging or anything. People are good at all sorts of different things. Just because I’m good at noticing stuff doesn’t mean your talents aren’t important. In some situations they might not be important, but there are a lot of situations that would require some of the lesser skills that other people have. For example, if…

Jerry: Okay Jack, we get it. Anyway, this is the most your group has accomplished in the whole time you’ve been doing this Bob, so you shouldn’t be too upset. It’s been fun, but I’ve got to go. You all have helped me realize that even though I’m an alcoholic, broke, and homeless, it could be much worse. I could be like you all are. Thanks for the pizza. (Leaves)

Sue: Wow, that was crazy. So, is the building really surrounded by poop, or was he faking that too?

Jill: What are you on Sue? Seriously…

Bill: This has been the best night yet Bob.

Jack: I’d better head out too. I need to see if Joe is okay. He might have gotten killed or something. You don’t think the pizza guy would have given him a ride out of here right? Maybe he was too embarrassed to come back in and talk about his tall Asian body. I hope the pizza guy didn’t tease him too much about it. He already is so insecure, and any additional comments might push him over the edge. I guess that happens when you overanalyze stuff.

Sue: Bye guys. So, Bob…

Bob: Yes, I’ll walk you to your car.

Sue: I thought maybe we could get some coffee or something too. You don’t have to. I just assumed since we both know how we feel about each other that we might want to take our relationship to the next level. I’m not talking about having sex or anything. Just dating a bit. Taking it from here you know? But if you don’t think you’re ready…

Bob: Why not Sue. It couldn’t get much worse than it already is, right?

© RFranklin and TheHobbler, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to RFranklin and Hobbling Around with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

From whining about my problems to saving the world

By “whining” I mean crying my eyes out and by “saving the world” I mean saving myself and a select few.

I recently received two of the most amazing awards in the history of blogging. By “two of the most amazing awards” I mean two of the most obviously drug induced awards in the history of blogging.

The first was the “zombie apocalypse” award. This may not really be an award, but Love and Lunchmeat chose me to be on her team which will undoubtedly be the only people who survive when the world ends. I will miss all of you, and I hope that your death is as quick and as pain-free as possible.

Since this isn’t really an award, there are no rules that I need to follow. That is good because I’m not great at following rules.

The second award I received was from Edward Hotspur , the Twit Skyblogger award. Technically, I don’t have to follow the rules, but because I don’t want to make him cry, I’ll play along.

#4. I’ll have to come back to that one.

#5. http://edwardhotspur.wordpress.com/2012/09/01/twit-skyblogger-award/

Thanks again for the awards!

p.s. I hereby pass these awards on to:

Anyone who reads this post.

It’s so sad…

Like the fall of the Roman Empire, our magnificent pity party must suffer a slow agonizing death. There may be some a couple late pity posts, and I will be happy to celebrate the sufferings with any blogger who needs to write one.

Today I gave my phone a french toast batter bath. Long story…anyway, one of the reasons I am so active on WordPress is because of my phone app, so I might not be around quite as much until I get a new one. That is not a reason to ditch me, but if you would like a good reason, please see this post: Reasons to Stop Following Me

If you haven’t read them yet, read these party posts (I’m putting some of the more recent ones first, so be sure to check those out too, if you only read the stuff from earlier this weekend). Also, some of the best blog content is in people’s comments, so you should read them as well:

Badlandsbadley – Warning: Disappointment Ahead

Nemesis- Petty Things To Pity

Adorablyad – I Have a Lot to Pity Myself For

Rebecca2000: WTF Friday #4

Roly: Hobbler’s Pity Party, and Pity Party Pooper Too

LifeInTheFarceLane: Pity party, party pooper

Lisa Summerlin: All In A Day’s Whine

Love and Lunchmeat: Oh, the Things I Could Do If I Were More Like Martha and Double Plus Not Good

Edward Hotspur: Hobbler’s Pity Party and Silly Pity

Bats: Pity Party USA via Hobbler

SandyLikeABeach: James Hiding Philosophy Notes In Pity Party Dress Taken For Joyce

A big thank you to all of you who participated this weekend. You made it so much fun.

When you really should be sorry

A good friend of mine died today. She was almost 60 years older than me, but some people are kindred spirits, regardless of age. I don’t know exactly when we connected, or how. She was a very good friend of my mom’s, but when we met…I don’t know how to describe it. There are some people in this life who you should connect with.

We would occasionally get together for tea, and her perfect scones, and we would talk and laugh like we were kids. I told her about a friend in college that loved pennies. She said she loved dimes. Whenever she saw a shiny dime on the ground, she would be just a little excited, like it was a little treasure.

I cleaned her house a few times and one occasion, I brought a roll of dimes and left them in different spots all over the house. Later, when I had kids, we visited her and I sent them around with more dimes. Silly, but when you can bring a little joy into a life for a few dollars, it would be a shame to pass up the chance.

Her husband had died many years before I knew her, and she missed him as if it were yesterday. Things hadn’t been perfect between the two of them, but true love can handle some really rough times.

One time she told me that my mom was at times “too prude for her own good”. We laughed a lot. Cried together sometimes too. She sent me a letter a couple of months ago. I should have written her back, but life got in the way. She would understand though. She always did.

Anyway, I’m not writing this for sympathy. She lived a good life. This is not a life that should be mourned. In fact, the only thing that I think I really should be sorry for, is a life spent in self-pity, in fear, etc. A life not lived at all.

So, here’s to you my dear friend…a virtual toast in celebration of a beautiful life.



Planning the Perfect Pity Party

The key to having any perfect party is effective planning. Here are some tips to help your next pity party be a great success.

1. Choose the perfect date – The best day for a pity party is a day that most people will be busy. Then when they don’t show up, you will have an extra reason to be sad.

2. Invite as many people as possible – By inviting lots of people, you will guarantee the party’s failure. Start with the president, and as many politicians as possible, then hit up your entire email address list, and all of your Facebook “friends”. Save the people who might actually show up for last, so the odds of them making other plans are high.

3. Forget about the party  There is nothing better than forgetting about your own party to ensure that at least a few people will be pissed off.

I would write additional tips, but I have a party to forget about.

While you mourn my loss, please check out the following party posts:

Rebecca2000: WTF Friday #4

Roly: Hobbler’s Pity Party, and Pity Party Pooper Too

LifeInTheFarceLane: Pity party, party pooper

Lisa Summerlin: All In A Day’s Whine

Love and Lunchmeat: Oh, the Things I Could Do If I Were More Like Martha and Double Plus Not Good

Edward Hotspur: Hobbler’s Pity Party and Silly Pity

Bats: Pity Party USA via Hobbler

SandyLikeABeach: James Hiding Philosophy Notes In Pity Party Dress Taken For Joyce

Adorablyad – I Have a Lot to Pity Myself For

Hobbler: It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To and Whiners of the World Unite

Speaking of things that suck

By nature I’m not a whiner. By nature I am a liar though, especially when it comes to talking about how much I whine. Anyway, there is a pity party going on this weekend. Not here! I would never do something like that. That was another lie, kind of. The pity party is here, but it is also on other blogs that I suckered talked into it, and it should be on your blog, so write your own pity party and link to me. I will add all the links to a post so you can jump around to all the blogs and have fun. (Many of these pity parties are actually incredibly funny, so go).

Before I re-link to all of them, I just have to say that I woke up feeling super sick. It was horrible. I think I caught the man flu by going to LifeInTheFarceLane’s blog, so when you click here link, wear a mask or something so you don’t get the flu too.

Rebecca2000: WTF Friday #4 (Only a partial pity party, but anyway).

Roly: Hobbler’s Pity Party, and Pity Party Pooper Too (He whines too much for just one whiny post)

LifeInTheFarceLane: Pity party, party pooper? (Wear your mask for this one, or you might catch man flu).

Lisa Summerlin: All In A Day’s Whine (A little whiny, but whatever)

Love and Lunchmeat: Oh, the Things I Could Do If I Were More Like Martha and Double Plus Not Good (I had forgotten her first. I suck at remembering things. Now she added another because she was so mad that I forgot).

Edward Hotspur: Hobbler’s Pity Party (Not a very whiny post at all. He usually whines better).

Bats: Pity Party USA via Hobbler (Unselfish whining designed to make us real whiners look bad).

Mooselicker: His blog (Hasn’t actually written a pity party post, but he’s been whining in my comments).

SandyLikeABeach: Fake Pity Party (Not her actual title, but that is what it is).

Hobbler: It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To, Whiners of the World Unite (Professional complainer and writer extraordinaire)

Hopefully I’ve complained enough about their pity parties to give them material to write more. This party is supposed to go on through Monday. There are also many others who said they would write one, but they haven’t yet. When they (or you) write one and link up, I will re-post the links.

*Also, most of what I said about the blogs above is a lie. They are actually excellent pity parties. Sorry.