Rain

Trifecta

Naked to her very core,

Money falling to the floor.

She bends to clutch each dollar bill.

Their lustful eyes make her feel ill.

Her value shown in fists of rain.

A hollow life of worthless pain.

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29 thoughts on “Rain

  1. I liked it the only comment I would make (if I may) is for it to be set out as prose/poetry. You have the rhythm going, but it didn’t feel right reading it in this form.
    I do like what you did with the prompt though. Sorry if I offended.

    • No offense. I thought about that too. It was another late night rambling, so sometimes I don’t pay as much attention to spelling and form…too out of it, I suppose, but good idea. Glad you liked it.

  2. This reads a bit like a cruel song little kids would sing at someone they don’t like. It makes me feel sad for the woman ): It’s a good piece though.

    • Thank you. Sometimes I think we all miss the truth behind the obvious.

      A dancer’s hopelessness, a drive through attendants’ stressful urgency, etc. Humanity is rarely seen through physical eyes. Sometimes you have to look with your heart.

  3. So poignant and sensual. From your few words, I see her in great detail, her hopelessness grabs my belly, and I taste the dust on the floor as she bends down. Excellent piece.

    • Thank you. I haven’t had a chance to read many others. Although I’m sure there are exotic dancers who are happy with their jobs, there have to be others who hate it.

  4. I love seeing you in our linkz. Great job here. I think you’re right–some dancers love it, but some must absolutely hate it. I don’t think I’d be in the ‘loving it’ category.

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