Pain-somnia

Pain is my passionate lover tonight, and it laughs at my Medication suitors, who try to lure me away with their promises of comfort and rest. I am captivated by Pain’s domineering presence yet I struggle against its powerful control.

Somehow, I manage to tear myself away from its tethers, to find some solace on the page. To Words I come, bruised and broken. Desperate for distraction. Anxiously awaiting the temporary freedom that comes with being swept away by their magic.

Of course, medical marijuana would be a lot easier, but it’s not legal here yet, and this blog is all about word play, so here I am.

Who’s up for a bedtime story?

Once upon a time there was a mirror. This glass was far from clear.

Children had placed, and replaced stickers on it so much that some of the stickers were no longer recognizable as anything other than dirty adhesive.

There was a lingering smudge from the time the woman drew a heart with “I love you” for her husband after that steamy shower, and where he had quickly replied “more”.

There were even smudges from the dogs nose when he discovered and introduced himself to his reflection.

Of course, the typical toothpaste splatters, occasional hair, and everyday dust and dirt marred its surface as well.

This is not part of the story, but I’m seriously thinking about ditching this and getting some ice-cream. Ice-cream and another pain pill…

What? You think I should finish my story? It’s a story about a mirror. i could spend some time thinking, writing, “reflecting” on the many insights to be discovered, but don’t you think we all spend enough time in mirrors? Get some windex, wipe it down and live your life.

Now, back to that ice-cream…

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21 thoughts on “Pain-somnia

    • Blue Bunny Birthday Party…I am having an affair with it. It does things to me that are too intense to describe here, although I have tried. I’ll try to find the link. 😉

  1. Fess up Hobbles, what ice cream flavor did you get? Chocolate sauce? Whipped cream? Sounds yummy! Sorry you were in pain, I’ve had a couple nights of pain-filled non-sleep this week too.

    • Umm, it was an orgasmic experience, so of course Blue Bunny Birthday Party. It was pure paradise. They make it in these mini waffle cones, and I ate the last two. I think I still have some afterglow going on.

      Sorry you’ve been hurting too.

      • Mmmm… What’s your favourite ice-cream? My all time favourite one is Booja-Booja dark chocolate one! It’s like the yummiest thing ever that also everything “bad “free and raw and organic. And on the side I always like to have some blanched and roasted almonds, hazel nuts and freshly cracked walnuts. As Gluttony is my “favourite” sin I mustn’t ever keep those things in my kitchen but it’s my absolute must-have for my weekly DMD (avonex)injection day. What are your must-haves? Can you tell please? ;0) x x x x

          • Yep, been diagnosed 13 years ago and am still am having fun fighting it ;)! Some how I think the reason why I have it ( I’m sure we all have our reasons, that we believe why this sh… is happening to us;) Is that at some point I started disrespecting my body/soul… But I’m somehow am grateful that I have it as without it I would’ve not become as strong as ruthless as caring/carless that I’m now.What about you, the wise one? BTW I absolutely love your writing! You Madam most certainly have a gift! P.S. I do mention my MS in “Welcome to my blog” section (never after as i really don’t want that nonsense to define me) B.T.W. I only started the blog couple of weeks ago as need to self express is familiar to all of us, right? 😉 If you have any feedback I’d love to hear it! ;0) x x x x x P.P.S. So how about the favourite ice-cream, darling?

            • Sometimes I am grateful for MS. I’m definitely grateful for what it’s taught me, and like you, I’ve not respected my body. I was grateful that I was the only one in my family with it, but my sister just got diagnosed with it too. That is much worse than having it myself.

              I was diagnosed about 12 years ago. Secondary progressive now. Alright, enough of that.

              Thank you for your kind words, and I like your blog and your art. Pain can bring creativity, as can all the screwed up thoughts from cognitive problems, medications, and other excuses. Anyway, your stuff is beautiful.

              My favorite ice cream is elaborated upon in the reblog post I just did, but I like chocolate and a lot of others too. Okay, I have to go for a bit, but I’m looking forward to getting to know you more.

              • London (UK) Have you ever been? Would you like to come and visit? (Would love to have you over;) It’s beautiful! I love it! What about you, where do you live? ;0) x x x

                • Awesome, no, yes, and I live in Oklahoma, USA. One of my other favorite bloggers is also in London (http://london-survival.com/). I have written about as much on his blog in the comments as I have on my own. 😉

                  I thought you might be from there because of your spelling. Proper English and all.

                  I don’t mean to be weird, but I feel like we are kindred spirits (cue Anne of Green Gables) It’s not just the MS or anything like that. The first time you came to my blog I felt it. It’s possible I’m over-medicated or something, but I think we’re meant to be blog friends.

                  • Ok, my KS (kindred spirit;)!No I don’t think this is your meds talking as feeling is most certainly mutual! Sorry I went quiet for a while. There is a refurbishment process happening at my place so I had to relocate for a little while but am back now 😉 One of the builders is coming here in about an hour (finishing all the very last bits). And after that I’ll be fully back home and you shall have my (almost;) undivided attention 😉 Stay Safe and San till then! Love E ;0) x x x x

                    • Thanks. I love KS. I have a thing with initials. I used to be here all the time, but I’m not on nearly as much now, but thanks for being here for me. 😉 I’ll start posting Christmas songs soon. Okay, have to go do real life for a while. Sigh. That’s the nice thing about wordpress it is a break from dishes, laundry, etc. you have to tell me about your family sometime. Do you have kids?

  2. Ha ha… now this is starting to look like a proper dating website, darling 😉 (kidding of course just a normal chit chat right…? ;). Ok in the mode of letting you to get to know me better here is some personal data about me 😉 -To answer your question, nope no kids (yet;) partly because I’m on avonex and my docs been always threatening me that miscarriage is a sure part of the deal so to say ;/. Am switching to new drug BG12 that has hardly any side effects in January and will try then (exciting;). The other part is that I’m alone and given my condition it would be very difficult to raise a kid on my own. I have been married couple of times first one when I just turned 18 and it has lasted for 9 month (symbolic isn’t it;). I just had to walk out on this one… Second with my uni sweetheart lasted for 6 and a half years (talk about 7 year each;). Had to leave him too as I believed that my condition was destroying him much more than it was destroying me (how noble of me right ;). Ok I’m kidding it wasn’t nobel I just didn’t want to watch it (and accept the responsibility for it;). And to be honest I thought that I will be much stronger on my own. Which I still do I’m just not sure that being all that strong is the best thing one can do. Mind you I totally stand by my action and would’ve not wanted it any other way. My last love story lasted for just over 3 years and ended mid July (4 month ago) I guess I just wasn’t ready to get married again and he was. And to my own surprise I miss him terribly and for the first time ever I actually am questioning my actions. Well on the family side of things that’s me. How about you? Is it all turning out the way you thought it would? Are you happy as you thought you would or much happier ;)? How old are your kids? Love E;0) x x x x

    • You should contact your last man and have a get together. Life is too short to miss people that are still alive and able to be seen. I am married with 4 kids, 2 natural, 2 step daughters. When you are pregnant, a lot of, if not all, ms symptoms go away. It’s hormonal or something, but I was able to stop all medications while I was pregnant and nursing.

      MS is hard on relationships. I am lucky to have a husband who is patient with my difficulties, and who truly loves me, but it is still hard at times.

      My life isn’t the way I thought it would be, (I was going to live in a house that looked like a castle and raise kids who no one else wanted), but it is good.

      I am happy, although Depression is a good friend of MS, and a lover of creativity. Kind of like Insomnia. 😉

      My kids are 20, 15, 9, and 7. Alright, enough data mining…

      So, why is gluttony your favorite sin?

      • But of course.. (you asked for it ;0)! Gluttony is my favourite sin because it’s acting like my best friend and understanding lover, whose love for me is absolutely unconditional! It gives me comfort, joy and reassurance that everything would be ok (or possibly much better ;)! And should I be having that truly raw, dark chocolate love affair 😉 the level of endorphins that gets released in to my bloodstream in a process…makes me forget about really dark side of my life! 😉 And when everything between us gets totally organic, I feel that there is nothing I can do wrong! Thinking that regardless of the quantity it must be very good for me! Do you think those are good reasons? ;0)

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