Reality Check

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If you are looking for a funny cat video or pictures of beautiful people smiling, check the rest of the internet. I interrupt this regularly witty blog for a shot of reality, which unfortunately is a hard thing to come by in our modern “A-Okay” world. I could pay a therapist $100/hour to listen to me rant and rave, but lucky me, I have a blog. I can let the world know how much I suck and later my husband can use it against me when he finally gets enough of my shit and files for divorce, and my kids…oh yeah, my kids. I may have to delete this blog so they won’t come across it one day and need more therapy than I do. Okay, might as well end with a bang right?

Today I had more than my fair share of humility forced upon me. I have Multiple Sclerosis. Everyone has something, so I’m sure you can all relate, but for explanation sake, this disease causes my legs not to work, etc. Another crappy fact about this disease is that it affects my bladder. I take meds, which help, but long story short, my family and I go eat. Suddenly I have to pee. Immediately. Like NOW, damn it!

My daughter graciously holds the door open, and I somewhat make it in the restroom, but see, my legs hate me. They are like those bullies in elementary school who can not rest until someone feels worse than they do. So, they lock out…picture two 4 by 4’s sticking out of my atrophied butt sitting in my wheelchair. Needless to say, it’s hard to transfer from one chair to another with two boards extending from your ass, and I didn’t make it. Yeah, laugh, stare, pity me, whatever. So I do what I can, eventually get home, ball my eyes out while I take a shower, and decide…

So what if it isn’t a cute kitten video. This is reality. I’m sick of smiling faces on Facebook (which I don’t even have anymore because of all the stupid fake crap) and TV and everything else telling me how perfect the world is and everyone is and how great life in general is.

Sometimes I have good days. Sometimes I laugh, and sing, and dance in my wheelchair. Other days I piss myself. Welcome to the real world ladies and gentlemen. It feels really good to get that out. Thanks for the therapy, see you next time.

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11 thoughts on “Reality Check

  1. It’s not your fault, so don’t feel bad. Everyone who knows you and likes/loves you won’t care, and you don’t care about anyone who doesn’t know you (about this, anyway), so don’t worry.

  2. There are two kinds of people in the world… people who have serious medical conditions, and people who are going to have them sooner or later. You can’t really blame most people for presenting a better version of themselves than the one they really live with. We are all trained by society to do that. I mean, I agree that the world doesn’t need more cat videos and perky happy people get on my nerves. But people are going to project the best parts of their lives on the internet and downplay the rest. I do that to a degree, although I also like to make fun of my faults and stupidity and weaknesses.
    But let’s face it. You got handed a big, steaming pile of crap when it comes to your health. Nobody has a better right to whine and complain than you. And yet, for the most part, you face challenges that I can’t even imagine with bravery, humor, wit, charm, self-deprecation, strength and great character. You have more of those annoying qualities that people on Facebook like to pretend they have than most of them put together. And you have real problems. Most of them have fake modern problems. You have more depth than most of them… try to have a little pity on those less fortunate than you… the ones who have no depth to draw on, who can’t really string two clever sentences together. They need their cat videos.
    … much love…

  3. Reblogged this on The Musings of a Digital Vagabond and commented:
    Happy Fourth of July to all you fellow US citizens out there! For those of you who are not of the United States persuasion, it’s basically a day where I get to say today I don’t feel like writing my material, and I’m going to be spending the day at a friend’s barbecue. In lieu of my rantings, I would like to share with you a rant by one of my awesome friends (who also contribute pieces to this blog from time to time), that’s right ladies and gentlemen, you guessed it… It’s is the hobbler! Anyhow, when I read this piece, I knew I was going to share. At the time I didn’t know when, but now I do 🙂 this piece describes a portion of a reality that I live with as a possibility fairly consistently. For those of you who have friends with a disability that don’t ever seem to have problems, they probably just don’t want to talk about these kinds of problems. Most days I have good days, some days I have bad days and I this myself, and other days that may be worse still, I have vision crapped my pants. And honestly, no amount of recurrence, self-awareness, or acceptance can completely eradicate the feeling of humiliation and utter inadequacy that can often accompany experiences like this one. Please read with an open mind, and a humble heart. For those of you celebrating the holiday, happy Fourth of July folks!

    PS. Whether or not this piece gets incorporated into the larger work at hand is completely up to its author, if not it’s definitely given me an idea for similar story from more personal perspective. Enjoy.

    • Thank you for reblogging Sage, and of course it can be part of your bigger work. Or you are welcome to use it to play with some of your own words about this Gimpy life we lead. I met with a pediatric neurosurgeon yesterday about making me into a more automated cyborg. If i write about it I’ll post on your blog as well. She works on a lot of cp kids, but is cutting open adults now occasionally too. Life can be scary and definitely humiliating for people like us.

      Happy fourth to you and I hope you have lots of fun with your friends. Don’t party too hard. 😉

  4. This one time in Berlin I pissed myself. And in mens toilets I’ve got quite the knack for slipping over into cocktails of strangers piss. Always fun being on the verge of embarrassing toiletry accidents but hey you either live life with all it’s inherent risks (as long as you’re not a naive rainbow-lollipop-sunshine twit) or you crawl into the foetal position in the corner of your shower weeping and wracked with sobs. And you’re wearing mascara that’s running down your face.

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