Slipping away

slipping_away_by_hlifar-d3ezzra

I can almost feel it; my sanity.

It’s something I can touch, but only briefly, and even then quite I can’t grasp it. I don’t know exactly when I began to lose my mind, but it is more gone then here now.

I’m Becky. That crazy girl in a wheelchair who rides around town dancing.

I made a sign for the front of my chair that says “will someone please buy me a louder speaker?”

Think that’s too forward? I went around a busy intersection in town, and danced with that sign, and my others, about 7 times just circling around the intersection.

I do believe I’ve lost my mind.

Who am I? Part of me can see reality, that I am a mother, with a physical disease, who is also bipolar.

Part of me reads what is on my signs, and the million other quotes I look at. That part believes it’s true, that you do need to be the change you wish to see in the world – Ghandi, That life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all – Helen Keller. That no great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness – Aristotle, etc.

So I live it, I want to see people dance, so I dance. I love adventures, so I dare to do things differently. Maybe madness isn’t something to run away from.

I feel like I’m in the middle of two realities.

#1st reality – I’m a single mother with a disease, I need to provide for and take care of my kids, the house, dogs, etc. I really need a job and money.

2nd reality – I am seriously trying to change the world. To get people outside, to get people to dance, to start recognizing the value we each can and do bring to the table, whether an ordinary writer, or an artist who happens to be in a chair with wheels, or an ordinary guy who notices and helps the crippled girl stuck somewhere. Heroes are all around and even inside of us.

But this particularly insane hero is stuck. In between the two worlds. I have to find a way to make money. If you have any ideas how I could do that, while dancing like a fool, please tell me. I shouldn’t have to turn my back on changing the world to make change at some store where I could fit as a cashier with my wheelchair. Please help me figure out how to bridge the gap.

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10 thoughts on “Slipping away

  1. Think about all the ways you can change the world while making change as a cashier. You’ll meet so many people, probably cheer a lot of people up, and make money. Having the schedule and routine will help you too, and you never know what will come of it. I love you!

  2. First of all look at how amazing you already are. And from only knowing you from this blog, I would say, that you would bring a lot to people being a cashier. You know, they can make or break your day too. A smile and a nice conversation with a cashier was what cheered me up this week when I was really down. It doesn’t matter where you shine your light, as long as you do.

  3. I would try your local society for adults/children/etc. with disabilities. Why not ask them if they have a job for someone with a disability? If you have any office skills, I would also try your local or state government – they are obligated to hire people with disabilities as part of their work force. They are obligated to make a work space fit your disability so you can do a job just as easily as an able-bodied person. Since you love to be outside – what about a supervisor for people who are doing community service by picking up trash around town? Hope these ideas help.

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