I Need A Christmas Diet Now

Hide all the turkey
And the mood food before my spirit falls again
Still want some chocolate,
But I’m too fat so diet really must begin
For I need a little weight loss; right this very minute,
Need to fit my old jeans. Why can’t I get in it?
Yes I need to be much thinner; right this very minute.
My doctor has sure made worry and I must diet in a hurry.
So call up weight watchers
Or something else I can try to be really lean.
Tried lots of diets
But lasting results are a thing I’ve never seen
Cause I move a little slower, my midsection’s bigger
Can’t fit in my old clothes, don’t really have a figure
And I need some motivation sitting on my shoulder.
Need a little diet now.
So toss out the junk food.
Some healthy snacks I hear would really do me good.
Find that old gym card.
Some exercise would help me to look like I should
And I need a little diet. Right this very minute.
Wish I’d hung a stocking and weight-loss bars were in it.
Yes I need a little diet, right this very minute.
Only look good when my eyes go blurry
So I must diet in a hurry.
So climb on the treadmill.
Break out the ab roller to really look so good.
Get plastic surgery
That might just stop the nickname if it only could
For I need to really lose weight
Need to look much better
Have to fit my gram’s gift
Of that Christmas sweater;
50 pounds would be a snappy
“Happy ever after”
Need a little diet now.
Need a little diet now.

11 thoughts on “I Need A Christmas Diet Now

  1. Delightful and I am right there with you! I’m trying to memorize your song as fast as possible so that I can sing it through the holidays. It is the torture in my head on a daily basis, anyway, so I might as well sing it–especially as I’m drinking my brandy-laced eggnog in my National Lampoon moose glass. All the best funny lady from another humorist chubby blogger.

  2. It is good to make fun of dieting. Because it is hard. Like giving up smoking or crack. Only people usually stop trying to get you do those other things if you are trying to quit. But on a diet everyone is like, “One more cookie wont kill you.”
    No, it is the other 1,00,000,000 cookies I ate that are doing that.

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