Let’s talk

I’m crippled and a professional damsel in distress. Safer buckled into my wheelchair as I roll off a curb and tip the chair on its side or into another predicament.

So thanks for the chair and my unconventional life. The thing that is haunting my mind is actually considering the possibility of being back in a nursing home.

There are benefits to both.

I currently have a handicap accessible apartment in a town I love and a friend staying with me who can help with transfers and other things. However I’m not great at remembering to eat or drink much less healthy food. I also often forget or ignore my medications. I’m not great at taking care of myself.

Nursing homes provide healthy food on a regular schedule and medications given as prescribed. They also help with transfers and other physical needs. However, personal freedom is limited.

I actually think it would be nice to spend a month or so getting taken care of. Especially since I haven’t been taking care of myself well.

I also think that maybe I should just try harder to make myself take care of myself better. But there are many things I can’t do. Like cook healthier and keep my apartment clean. But maybe I could. Just because I haven’t in 39 years and my body can’t bend easily and my mind is scattered…

What do You think God? Your opinion is the one I’m searching for and You seem quiet on this one. I loved experiencing Your magic on my last stay in a home. We were so close there and even though we are still close, I think You like feeding and hydrating me well and seeing my body respond to correct medication levels. I think You like using me to spread Your love to the people that surround me whether at my apartment or in a home. So which is better?

Should I try to stay or try to go, or just be still because You already know that in reality I’m not in control. Help me have peace with how this plays out. And in the meantime I’ll try not to doubt. The Love I know so much about. Your will be done God, whether here or there. I’m so glad You are everywhere.