OAA: The Final Chapter, and I need your help

This is the final post in the OAA series. A big thanks to all of you who have followed the overanalyzing fun. If you have read the series, I would really appreciate a brief review of it. I am in the process of submitting it to drama companies in hopes of an actual performance, and reviews will help with that process. Please help me with this.

For the past several weeks, the OAA members have been in their building (which is surrounded by poop) held hostage at gunpoint by Jerry. Joe had escaped by cab after ordering pizzas for the group.

Still Week 9

Jerry: When are those pizzas going to be here?

Bob: (Very depressed) I don’t know Jerry. Joe probably took off or something. You can’t blame him.

(Pizza guy comes through the door): We have an order here for (looks at notes) Bob?

Bob: Jerry is the one with the money.

Jerry: What is your deal Bob? You look like you’re about to jump off a bridge.

Bob: (Shakes his head)

Jerry: How much man?

Pizza guy: $81.95

Jerry: What? That is robbery!

Pizza guy: Hey, you got Piggy’s Pizza. Your wallet needs to be as fat as you are. You aren’t too fat though. You looked like you walked in off the street.

Jerry: Just take the money. (Pizza guy takes the money and leaves) (To everyone in the group) Where is Joe anyway?

Everyone starts looking through the pizzas and starts eating, ignoring the question.

Jerry: (Between bites) Okay, I don’t think Joe is coming back, and I’ve heard enough from all of you to write a book.

Listen, you all are some messed up people. I think you’re going to need a lot more than a measly support group to help you. Has anyone here tried medication?

Sue: I was on allergy medication once, but it made me really sleepy. It also made my eyes water. Maybe that was the allergies making them water…

Bill: Medications are part of the government’s plan to make us dependent on them and their “miracle” drugs.

Jill: I was on Xanax for a while, and Valium, but I felt like they were making me paranoid.

Jack: Although I understand how some people need medications, I have never really found them necessary. It seems to me like the need for medication is often the result of an underlying mental condition. Sure, there are people out there who have physical symptoms too, but if you really think about it, aren’t illnesses part of a deeper psychological cause? Long ago people were not on nearly as many medications as they are now. Actually, that is probably not being fair to the people with legitimate medical issues. I would certainly hate for people to assume that I had mental problems when I actually have some illness that mental…

(As Jack is talking, Bob begins quietly sneaking up behind Jerry. He reaches him and grabs the gun from his hand).

Bob: What! This isn’t even real?

Jerry: I may not be a rocket scientist, but I’m not an idiot. You think I would be dumb enough to bring a loaded gun in here? With you freaks?

Sue: How could you Jerry? All this time we have been so scared. The only good thing that has happened is Bob confessing his love for me, and that would have been better under different circumstances. Something like a twilight stroll on the beach or a trip to Paris…

Jill: Jerry, you are more of a jerk than Bill is, and he can be pretty bad. I am so mad right now, I could almost kill you.

Bill: You’re an alright guy Jerry. Here I thought they had finally gotten through to you, and were trying to gather info on us, when all along you were just messing with us. I have a whole new respect for you.

Jack: I thought it might be a toy gun. It didn’t look as heavy as it would have if you were holding a real gun. I’m good at noticing things like that. I’m not bragging or anything. People are good at all sorts of different things. Just because I’m good at noticing stuff doesn’t mean your talents aren’t important. In some situations they might not be important, but there are a lot of situations that would require some of the lesser skills that other people have. For example, if…

Jerry: Okay Jack, we get it. Anyway, this is the most your group has accomplished in the whole time you’ve been doing this Bob, so you shouldn’t be too upset. It’s been fun, but I’ve got to go. You all have helped me realize that even though I’m an alcoholic, broke, and homeless, it could be much worse. I could be like you all are. Thanks for the pizza. (Leaves)

Sue: Wow, that was crazy. So, is the building really surrounded by poop, or was he faking that too?

Jill: What are you on Sue? Seriously…

Bill: This has been the best night yet Bob.

Jack: I’d better head out too. I need to see if Joe is okay. He might have gotten killed or something. You don’t think the pizza guy would have given him a ride out of here right? Maybe he was too embarrassed to come back in and talk about his tall Asian body. I hope the pizza guy didn’t tease him too much about it. He already is so insecure, and any additional comments might push him over the edge. I guess that happens when you overanalyze stuff.

Sue: Bye guys. So, Bob…

Bob: Yes, I’ll walk you to your car.

Sue: I thought maybe we could get some coffee or something too. You don’t have to. I just assumed since we both know how we feel about each other that we might want to take our relationship to the next level. I’m not talking about having sex or anything. Just dating a bit. Taking it from here you know? But if you don’t think you’re ready…

Bob: Why not Sue. It couldn’t get much worse than it already is, right?

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OAA: Joe’s Call


Jerry: Oh man, I could destroy you. Get a preacher in here, order some boxes of wine; funny stuff. Anyway, I’ve heard enough for now Sue. Who wants to order a pizza?

Everyone: I do

Jerry: That’s what Bob said. (Laughing) Alright, everybody pitch in. Joe, you can call if you promise not to call 911. (Hands Joe the phone)


Joe: Alright, what toppings? Actually, nevermind, I’ll pick. I’m going to step outside for a minute.

Jerry: No funny stuff…

Joe: (Outside, dials phone) Ring, ring,

   911, what is your emergency?

Uhh, wrong number… Ring, ring

Flab Cabs, where your flab needs our cab. In case of heart attack, please call an ambulance. How can we help you?

Yes, I need to be picked up outside of the OAA building on 5th and Main.

We’ll send a driver right out. By the way, there is a 600lb weight limit. That won’t be a problem right?

No, I’m just a really tall Asian.

  Ha, ha, ha…good one! Hey Mac, get a load of what this guy told me… (click)

Sigh…ring, ring

Piggie’s Pizza, our pizza’s as big around as you are. What can I get you?

What’s up with all the fat lines?

That’s America dude. Land of the free, home of the whopper, Get it? Whopper?

Yeah. I get it. I need 4 of your Bypass Biggies. Seriously? Bypass?

That’s Pizza dude. We load you up, your heart shuts us down. Extra grease?

Uh, no…I want one supreme, one meats, one cheese, one veggie. 5th and Main. Ask for Bob.

Wow! All that is for one dude? Massive! I bet he’ll need Flab Cabs to get out of there… (click)

Sigh…(Thinking to himself) Should I have just called 911? Nah, Jerry will probably fall asleep if he lets Jack is talk anyway. They’ll be fine. At least I got the pizzas. Now look at me. They’ve got me overanalyzing. Cabs here…good riddance.

Cab Driver: Hey! You really are a tall Asian! Can I get a pic with my phone? Ha, already done. The guys will never believe this.

Joe: Sigh…just get me out of here.

OAA: Still Week 9

For the past few weeks, we have delved into the lives of the OAA members as Jerry holds them hostage. Continued from last week:

Jerry: Why did I even try asking you for your story? I should have known better than that. Alright Sue, let’s hear from you now.


Sue: Me? You want to hear from me?

Jerry: Your name is Sue right?

Sue: You don’t have to be mean Jerry. After all, I am the one who gave you a snack bar on your first day here. Anyway, you want to know my story, I’ll be more than happy to share it with you.

I never thought of myself as a overanalyzer. Some people had said some things about it to me before, but I always just saw it as noticing things. I don’t notice things like what the weather will be like, or if the stoplight is red, but I do notice the important things.

Like whether or not someone likes me. I never really thought of Bob that way until I noticed that he hit on me the first time I was here.

Bob: What? I didn’t…

Sue: It’s okay Bob. We might as well get our true feelings out, since this may be our last day here.

Anyway, when I saw that he was obviously attracted to me, I tried to think about whether or not I could like him in a deeper way.

Bob: Sue, you must have misinterpreted me. I never…

Sue: We don’t have to hide our feelings any longer, Bob. Don’t worry, I like you too.

Like I was saying, after thinking about it for a while, I realized that I could fall in love with him. Sure he isn’t the kind of man I am typically attracted to, but I need a change. Those men always end up being crazy, and finally I had found a nice guy.

Bob: Look Sue, I am glad that you think I’m nice, but if I have ever given you the impression…

Sue: That you are shy? Yes, I have noticed that, but every one of us has things that we find hard to talk about. It might have progressed faster, but our relationship would still be about the same, even if you had openly confessed your love for me.

Bob: Relationship? What relationship? Love? Are you kidding me?

Sue: Wow…I didn’t realize you were so sensitive. I’m sorry Bob, I should have talked about this in private with you, but since we both are fully aware of your desires, I didn’t think you would mind me talking about it in front of the group.

Bob: Please just shoot me Jerry…

Sue: There is no need for so much drama Bob. No one here will judge you for falling for me. Jerry and Bill have both had their own crushes on me, but we are all adults here.

Jerry: You are even more crazy than I thought you were.

Bill: I’ll admit it. I looked down your shirt once…

Sue: See, that is just the way it is Bob. Jerry is crazy in love, and Bill wants sex, but my heart is yours. Nothing can change that. Well, I guess if someone  kidnapped me and harvested my organs, technically they would have my heart, but you know what I mean right? I love you. Don’t you love me? You can admit it.

Bob: Sigh…what the hell. We are all about to die here. Sure Sue, sure. I’ve loved you since the moment you walked through those doors.

Jerry: Oh man, I could destroy you. Get a preacher in here, order some boxes of wine; funny stuff. Anyway, I’ve heard enough for now Sue. Who wants to order a pizza?

Everyone: I do

Jerry: That’s what Bob said. (Laughing) Alright, everybody pitch in. Joe, you can call if you promise not to call 911. (Hands Joe the phone)


OAA: Still week 9

When we left our overanalyzers last week, Jill has confessed to murdering her parents. Jerry seems to be getting a tad frustrated, but he doesn’t kill anyone yet.

Jerry: I thought I told you to shut up boy! Alright Jill, I almost killed you for taking your brother’s turn, but after that story I can see that you are more delusional than Bill is. Nobody move. I have to sit down. Does anyone have an aspirin?


Sue: I have an ibuprofen in my purse. I’m sorry it is not aspirin. I heard that wasn’t too good for you. Then I heard that it can help prevent heart attacks.

Jerry: ibuprofen is fine (sighs). Bill, I want to hear your story next.

Bill: Why? Is there something you haven’t told us? Are you one of the “Walmart” or rather “Walk Smart” people? I knew they would find me. Ever since I told this group about their connection to the aliens, I have been looking over my shoulder.

Jerry: You already were a paranoid freak. Just because I was here for the snacks doesn’t mean I didn’t hear you all talking.

Bill: Exactly! So, what did you do, bug the table?

Jerry: No! I didn’t bug anything!

Bill: Whatever you need to tell yourself Jerry. I know these things. Ever since I was abducted I can sense alien stuff.

Jerry: Maybe I should kill myself instead of you all.

Sue: Don’t say that Jerry. You are a part of this group. We care about you.

Jerry: Bill, finish your damn story.

Bill: Okay, although that wasn’t a very nice way to talk. I guess you can’t really expect much from aliens though.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away a little alien was being sent away by his parents. This alien was very special indeed because when he got angry, his true green would come to the surface, hell-bent on destruction. As much as this alien was mean, he was also nice. He cared very much for the destitute, and he would often rob from the rich and give to the poor.

Jerry: Woah Bill…that sounds like a montage of movies.

Bill: Well yeah! You think I am going to tell my real story? To an alien insider? I’m not stupid Jerry. I’m not going to play along with your silly games.

Jerry: Why did I even try asking you for your story? I should have known much more than that. Alright Sue, let’s hear from you now.


OAA: Week 9 (still)

For the last four episodes, is it four? I can’t really remember. Anyway, Jerry surrounded the building in human manure with the help of his bum friend. He has been holding the members of Over Analyzer Anonymous hostage. Bob just told Jerry and the group why he started OAA. Jerry decided to let him live at least until the others have finished telling their reasons why he shouldn’t kill them.

“Jerry: Can’t you all shut up for 5 minutes? Alright Bob, I won’t kill you yet. You might as well hear the other sob stories. You…your turn…”

Jack: Excuse me Jerry, which of us were you pointing at. From this angle it looked like you were pointing at Jill, but Bill is in that general direction also. For all I know you may be drunk and pointing at an imaginary pink elephant or something. Not that you imagine pink elephants when you are drunk. Hey man, if you do imagine pink elephants, it is okay. There is nothing wrong with that. Your mom probably told you there was huh. I have never understood that. Why can’t little boys like pink elephants or any other thing they want to like? Not that you were drunk when you were a little boy. You don’t have to be drunk to think about pink elephants. I just thought about them, and I am very sober. Please don’t feel like I am judging you if you are drunk. I know that there are many reasons someone…

Jerry: SHUT UP! Look. You seem like a decent sort of psychopath, but if you keep talking I will have to kill you now, and that will freak all you other freaks out so SHUT UP! You Bill, why should I not end your paranoid misery?

Bill: Ha! I knew he’d pick me. Look man, it’s like this…

Jill: No! Don’t say another word Bill. Okay, I did it. I killed my mom and dad, but it was in self-defense! I swear!

Sue: It’s okay Jill, I’m sure it was…

Everyone: Shut up Sue

Jill: I didn’t mean to. Really. They had blindfolded me. I thought they were going to hurt me, and, get this, it was on my birthday! No one wants to die on their birthday. They blindfolded me and they were laughing. Laughing! I didn’t know what to do. I was a kid…8, maybe 11 years old. Billy was watching. He was only 6 or so. He was laughing too, but he didn’t know any better.

They were the ones who knew. I was so scared I was trembling. My mom put her arms around me. I thought at first she was giving me a final hug before they did it. Then she started spinning me around. Can you believe that? Spinning me! They were laughing again and I knew it was the end.

I had to do something. Run, call for help, something, but I was dizzy from the spinning and there was no one around to hear me scream. Finally she stopped turning me, and then they did the strangest thing. They put a weapon in my hands. It was like they wanted me to end their reign of terror. I could see through the crack at the bottom of the blindfold, and I swung that bat like there was no tomorrow. Mom was closest, so I bashed her head in first, and when dad leaned down to shield her from more blows, I smashed his face in too. I didn’t have a choice…

I pulled the blindfold off and grabbed Billy’s hand. As we ran into the woods I saw the thing they were going to use to murder me. It was a pink crown hanging from a tree. This thing was massive and it looked heavy. It probably had a bomb or something in it. My parent’s had been so sadistic they had even put a big 12 on it. The age I turned that day. Sickos.

Anyway, when Billy asked me why I killed them, I told him that they weren’t actually our parents, alien shape-shifters or something is what I told him. I guess that is why he is so screwed up, but I had to tell him something…

I don’t want to go to jail. Please, you all can see what happened right?

Sue: Of course we can see Jill. You didn’t have a choice, poor thing.

Jack: Um Sue, I think the crown was actually a…

Jerry: I thought I told you to shut up boy! Alright Jill, I almost killed you for taking your brother’s turn, but after that story I can see that you are more delusional than Bill is. Nobody move. I have to sit down. Does anyone have an aspirin?


OAA Week 11 (actually week 9 because they are still being held hostage in a building surrounded by poop)

When we left our overanalyzers in week 9, Jerry had surrounded the building in fecal matter and he was holding them at gunpoint. They had overanalyzed the reasons behind Jerry’s actions, and he was beginning to speak:

Jerry: How are you all still alive? The kindest thing I could do at this moment would be to put a bullet through each of your heads. You know they took me to jail a couple of weeks ago right? Because of you! All your freaking out. I know I have problems, but I am nowhere near as messed up as you are…

I’m going to give you each one opportunity to tell me why I should save your miserable lives.

Bob: (freaking out) You should save my life because I am not one of these people! Look, I started this group because my mother was an overanalyzer. I saw the effects of constantly worrying about everything. She couldn’t even sleep at night because she kept thinking about what my dad meant when he said she was losing her mind.

She went from making us Micky Mouse shaped pancakes, to having us make our own pancakes because she didn’t want to somehow suppress our creativity by determining the shape for us. Then she cried because she felt she might be contributing to the child labor problem by having her kids cook. Later she worried about the lack of work ethic we might experience if we didn’t make our own pancakes. I can’t even look at a pancake now without vomiting.

I wanted to help others with the same problem. Life is about so much more than pancakes. I thought I could get people together to talk about the true problem, the overanalysis that runs through their minds. I thought I could help them recognize it, and when they start thinking like that, they could alter their patterns of thought and enjoy life. I realize now that they will never be able to get to that point.

We have had week after week of meetings, and we haven’t even started talking about overanalyzing. We are still talking about everything from Walmart to the price of tea in China. Literally! The price of tea in China! Actually, that might have been in my nightmare.

Anyway, maybe you should kill me. All I have wanted to do is to make a difference, and I am obviously not going to be able to do that, so go ahead and kill me Jerry. Might as well.

Sue: Don’t say that Bob, you have made a difference in my life! I’ve been dreaming about you too.

Jill: He said “nightmare” Sue. Big difference.

Jack: Actually, there is not that much difference between a nightmare and a dream. Really, the only difference is the feelings that they evoke. Well, they can influence changes in your heart rate, and blood pressure might be different too. But, if you had a really good or exciting dream, your heart rate would probably equal that of a nightmare. Unless it was one of those dreams where you are flying, which should cause a rapid heartbeat, but for whatever reason in your dream it doesn’t…

Joe: Can I have my phone back Jerry?

Bill: Look man, I’m just as freaked out as you are by these extraterrestrials.

Jerry: Can’t you all shut up for 5 minutes? Alright Bob, I won’t kill you yet. You might as well hear the other sob stories. You…your turn…


OAA: Week 10

When we left our overanalyzers last week:

“Door swings open – Jerry stumbles in, wine in one hand, a handgun in the other –

Jerry: Nobody move or say one word. This place is surrounded by fecal matter and my friend, who’s outside with my cart, will light that shit on fire if I give the signal. I have some things I want to say to you wackos…J


Bob: No need to be angry Jerry…we are just regular people, trying to help each other.

Sue: I gave you a snack bar Jerry! Remember? Was it expired or something? I had it in my purse for a while, but I wouldn’t have given it to you if I knew it was bad…

Jill: Shut up Sue

Bill: Hey man, I’m on your side. I have known these people were freaks all along. It doesn’t take a genius to see that they are all part of the grand scheme to get us into the alpha receptor squadron after they exchange our DNA with that of an alien.

Jack: Woah, hold on Jerry You don’t want to make any rash decisions. I know that you probably have a long history of being abused by members of society in general. You also were probably abused by your parents or an older sibling. I am not sure how you ended up homeless, but if it was due to drug abuse, we all have problems. There is no need to take your frustrations out on anyone else. If you would like, come sit down with us and we can talk about ways that we could help you become a better person. Not that there is anything wrong with you. Well, other than the fact that you are holding us hostage and that you surrounded this building in fecal matter. How did you even manage that? Did you and your friends save it for this moment? That really is a lot of crap…

Joe: (Is attempting to text 911, when Jerry sees his phone and takes it.

Jerry: How are you all still alive? The kindest thing I could do at this moment would be to put a bullet through each of your heads. You know they took me to jail a couple of weeks ago right? Because of you! All your freaking out. I know I have problems, but I am nowhere near as messed up as you are…

TO BE CONTINUED AGAIN…SORRY…I thought I should post this because technically I should have posted it yesterday, then I reread it and I really haven’t even started with what I was wanting to say, so I thought I would continue it again and take my time writing the next part so I don’t overanalyze whether or not I should post it, then I thought “really, I could just go ahead and post this”…

OAA: Week 9

If you don’t know what OAA is, get off my blog.  Just joking…overanalyzers can joke occasionally too (we just worry about it later). It stands for Over-Analyzer Anonymous, and to get the most out of this post, you should really read the whole series in the OAA category.

Bob: Hello everyone. As I mentioned last time, we are going to try moving past the “getting to know you” stage and into the “getting to change you” stage. This is a meeting designed to help you manage your overanalyzing tendencies better. Learning to use those very traits that inhibit you now. Overanalyzers can be powerful people too!

Bill: What the hell is that supposed to mean!

Jill: Shut up Bill! He is just trying to help you freaks.

Sue: He thinks I’m a freak? I didn’t mean to act weird. I like coming here, but if I am a freak maybe I shouldn’t come anymore.

Jack: Hold on Sue, I think that Bob knows that you all are just struggling with a psychological problem that was probably brought on by some traumatic experience when you were a child. I know that is the case for Jill and Bill. They haven’t come out and said it, but we all know Jill probably killed their parents and made it look like some weird alien war, which has freaked Bill out ever since. It isn’t something that you guys can control. I am pretty sure that Joe’s was brought on by that time that everyone found out that even though he was tall for a Chinese guy, he doesn’t have a…nevermind. My point is, Bob just doesn’t really know the best way to talk to overanalyzers without freaking them out, but he still cares. I’m sure he can see how much you like him. He wants to help you…

Bob: Thanks Jack, but let’s not over think other people’s problems okay? All I am saying is that we are ready to take steps to becoming the people that we truly want to become. Don’t you all agree?

Bill: You are the one with a problem. Just because some of us know what is really going on in the world doesn’t mean we overanalyze it. When did this thing become about overanalyzing anyway? I thought it was the Over-throwing Alien Attacks support group.

Jill: I’m not going to even touch on that statement Bill. I never killed anyone, and I will do whatever is needed to silence those ideas if you catch my drift Jack…

Sue: So, you sure you aren’t mad at us Bob? Because you have this vein that starts throbbing on your forehead when you get angry, and it is throbbing now. Unless that is just what happens when you get excited or shy or whatever. It is kind of cute I guess.

Joe: (Phone beeps) Holy shit! I got a real text! Oh, it’s my mom…

Jack: Jill, I don’t care what you have done. I don’t judge people, I have some problems too, like just this morning I couldn’t find matching socks. It is the darndest thing. I knew I put them away by matching them up, just like I do every day. Well, every day I do laundry, which is actually about every third day. Unless I’m…

Door swings open – Jerry stumbles in, wine in one hand, a handgun in the other –

Jerry: Nobody move or say one word. This place is surrounded by fecal matter and my friend, who’s outside with my cart, will light that shit on fire if I give the signal. I have some things I want to say to you wackos…


OAA: Week 8

If you don’t know, OAA stands for over-analyzer anonymous. If you haven’t read any previous posts, they start here and are better if read in order.

*Scene opens with the sound of glass breaking.

Bill: Told you there was a side entrance, come on in guys.

Jill: Did you break a window in? You are such an idiot Bill! You know that they are still looking for us after what happened to mom and dad.

Sue: Um, maybe we should have just waited outside for Bob to show up. He would have called one of us. Probably me because, well, you know.

Cookie: Let’s hit the road Becky, it doesn’t look like there will be much of a party here tonight.

Becky: Sounds good to me. See you all next week.

Jack: (to Joe): pst. Hey man, it’s not your fault. Girls like that just are always looking for something to do. It has nothing to do with your freakishly long arms and legs. (to everyone) Hi everybody. I’ve got to say that I really enjoyed last week’s discussion. In fact, it stuck with me throughout the week. I think that Bob might be getting a little stressed out though…does anyone else think that? I mean, I am pretty good at picking up on some of the little things that other people don’t usually notice. Just like that glass over there. I bet when you came in, you weren’t so focussed on the glass, but I saw it right away because, like I said, I am good at notici…

Sue: Do you really think so Jack? Sorry to just interrupt like that. I was listening and then you mentioned that he might be stressed, so I started thinking about what I could have done to stress him out. I couldn’t really think of anything I did, so I tuned back in and I heard you say something about noticing…

Jack: It is okay Sue. I don’t mind being interrupted. Like my mom always said, you can’t interrupt if you don’t have anything to say. I didn’t usually have that problem though. For some reason, even when I was little, I was good at making observations. As my vocabu…

Jill: DO YOU TWO EVER SHUT UP! Shhhhhhh…listen…

*sirens sounding in the distance

Joe: Starts texting

Bill: Man, I told you they were tracking me! You know what happens next! Don’t take me! I’m not ready…(runs out front door)

Jill: Why did you break the damn glass Bill! You know we are wanted. (runs after him)

Jerry: (Outside the broken window) It wasn’t me man…I was just here for the snacks…Hey, don’t touch that cart…Where are you taking me?…I want a lawyer…

Bob: Sorry I’m late. I would have called, but since it was just 7 minutes after…What the hell…

Sue: (Runs up and hugs him): I’m so glad you are alive!

Jack: Hey, there you are. We were just talking about what could be going on with…

OAA: Week 7

If you don’t know, OAA stands for over-analyzer anonymous. If you haven’t read any previous posts, they start here and are better if read in order.

OAA: Week 7

Bob: Hi guys, welcome to this meeting. It seems as if our group has been pretty much established, so I think it’s time to move on to the heart of the problem. Overanalysis. What does that word mean to each of you?

Sue: Well, it has always sounded kind of sexy to me. Not like the word itself turns me on, but the idea of someone obsessing over me. Or me obsessing over someone else. That is ultimately what overanalysis is…obsession.

Jill: Um, thanks for that Sue. I totally agree, and I am not being sarcastic at all. Overanalysis is: to over think things to the point of it either being annoying or ruining your relationships with people. For example, I hate my parents, not because there was something wrong with them, it’s the disease. The problem was that as a child I had learned that there was much more going on than it appeared. They tried to get me to eat certain food, have time limits on everything, etc. It was all designed to torture and slowly kill us, but when I realized that was going on, I recognized that my parents were probably over-analyzers who felt that children should grow into some idea of humanity. Sad really, their overanalyzing led to the destruction of our relationship.

Bill: My sister is right about most of that, except our parents were actually aliens, dressed up like people. When I learned of this, I became a nudist for a few years, to prove that I was all human. It is kind of strange that aliens could have a human babies, but it is even more strange why the government is covering this whole thing up. It actually has to do with pudding and alligators, but it is a really long story.

Jerry: You are all out of chips man…

Becky: Hi everyone, this is Cookie, remember me telling you about her? Anyway, we just wanted to see if our stalkers followed us here.

Cookie: Look, they are over at that window. I also found this note on our car window: Watch out for voyeurs…weird.

Bob: Let’s try to stay on topic here. What about you Jack?

Jack: Thanks for asking. I have actually thought a lot about what overanalysis is. I think that it is definitely something that you are born with, although it can become worse as we age. It is weird though because every time I think about overanalyzing, then I notice something and get distracted by it. That might be what overanalyzing is, being constantly distracted by details that other people wouldn’t think twice about. Not that I would really know a lot about that.

Like I mentioned I am too distracted to become a overanalyzer, but Joe could probably tell you. He might not want to share though. Sometimes I think that he is a little too private. It is good to be able to be open and express yourself. I worry that he might be pushing all his feelings down in order to appear normal to the outside world. No matter how much he pushes that stuff down, he will still be a really tall Asian dude. There is nothing normal about that. He might as well start getting used to it. Like my mom always told me, we all have different addictions. Not like being tall is an addiction, but maybe he is addicted to obsessing about his height. Could he be addicted to a life of silent overanalysis?

Bob: How about we ask him…Joe?

Joe: Yeah um, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but you all make me seem normal. Got to go, I have to make a phone call.