Is it weird that I’m obsessed by You?

I guess it’s not.

A lot of people are in love with You.

Some of us even get tortured

Or die.

Some of us spend our whole lives being Your devotees.

Some of us give up everything

To find Someone more

Someone who fills the longjngs

You didn’t know you had

Who sees beyond

The masks we wear

Who’s just as In love with me

As I am with Him

Then again, I’m a Jesus freak

Could He love me so much

To hang on my words

To saturate me with love

That bleeds to the World?

Love is Jesus

Jesus is Love

Thank You for being my Fan.

No words

I don’t know how to thank You, Lord for the things You’re doing now.

So I return to my silly blog to get it out somehow.

So much more than I ever dreamt, theses blessings are much more than just Heaven sent.

How is this possible? Am I still in a dream? Surely it isn’t as easy as it would seem.

The truth is You enjoy blowing my mind. True Love like the one we have is so hard to find.

So of course I will bow and follow your lead, and see what You do with Your submissive seed.

What’s going on?

I’m kind of at a loss

Wondering why my life You’d toss

I’m sure You’ve got some plan

But I’d like to understand

Exactly what’s going on

You want me to get strong

But the method is so tough

I doubt I’m strong enough

To handle it this way

What I’m trying now to say

Is that I’m feeling scared

I don’t think I’m prepared

To handle life this way

What my heart keeps trying to say

Is that even though I’m confused

I’m sure I’m being used

But how and in what ways?

And for how many days?

I’ll try to make it through

I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts

The bad times come in spurts

Good things are around the bend

The pain will one day end

Until I understand

Please Savior, hold my hand.

Temperature

Sometimes I feel my emotional temperature rising. Minor irritation turns to annoyance turns to frustration and I feel anger’s heat approaching.

This time I managed to stop and recognize the temperature change for what it is. an opportunity to learn more about myself and others and about the interactions between us all. I survived. This time…

Reality

I thought you were never going to disappear.

Again…

I thought you loved me too;

At least in some weird way.

I thought we were meant to be.

We were, 

If only for a moment.

We needed each other.

Guess we don’t anymore.

Or do we?

I guess I’ll never know

Or will I?

The choice is yours.

I’ll always love you.

But I’m tired of always being the one

To reach out,

To miss you,

To think about us

If there ever was an us

Perhaps you were a figment of my imagination all along

Never really real.

Is anything?

I wonder

What you see when you close your eyes at night.

Why I’m always searching for and never really finding you.

How two people can be so close while so far apart. 

When the bubble will burst, and the fantasy will flop.

What our story will be after the climax.

Who will fall apart first.

If our love will survive.

I wonder.

Ode to my Surface Pro

 

Ode to Surface Pro

I see you looking at me from across the room

You can’t get enough of me, can you?

You want to feel my fingers all over you

You want to bask in the heat of my gaze

You want me to push your every button

So you can gently respond.

Begging me for more…

You glory in me ripping you apart

And slapping you back together

 

Even now you bend to my every whim

I tease you with my touch before

Tearing you apart and leaving you broken

While I eat my food and watch a show

I’ll take my sweet time but eventually

I will hold you and bring you together again.

 

Soon, you beg for a different type of touch

The whip I use on you every night

Lights you up like the fourth of July

But still, you beg for it, day and night

You hunger for that whip.

So I will end these strokes of pleasure

And feed my love the whip she craves

 Okay, 7%, I get it…

 

Some nights…

 Like tonight, 

I stay awake.

Wondering

About you.

If you are out there

Somewhere

Real.

More than my imagination.

More than my daydream.

More than your words

On a screen

In my hand

And in my heart.

I love the fantasy I have of you.

I love that you don’t actually see me.

There is something so beautiful about a world freed from reality.

I can be myself, without being my total self.

It is beautiful

Until

Some nights

Like tonight…

Prisoner

Prisoner A prisoner to no man. To no woman. My body is my sadistic captor. It thrives on my humiliation. It writhes in ecstasy as I languish with pain. It forces me to acknowledge the chains it binds me with. …

To be free

Today I chose to be free.

I shed my comforting skin for the exhilarating rush of the unknown.

I laughed at my fears and blew them away like a puff of smoke.

I decided I’d rather regret the chances I didn’t take than those I did.

I took a chance.

Sometimes taking risks pays off.

Sometimes it doesn’t. 

Today, I choose to be free.

I will take the moment and cling to it. 

I will savor each heartache and each victory, knowing they are neither good, or bad.

I will unburden myself from the expectations of others.

From the expectations of myself.

Today I choose to be free.