Trying to write

Is like trying to breathe. Writing happens whether I want it to or not. Sometimes my fingers take charge of my brain and the letters form words and I feel like I’m flying but I stay in my chair ignoring the pain in my derrière. To bleed these words onto the page. To watch my fingers dance across their stage. I wonder what they’re about to type. Sometimes it’s scary but exciting too. Wondering what these two thumbs will do. I’m writing these words on the screen on my phone. We have such amazing technology including these gadgets which absorb much of life. The “sound of silence” found in our devices. A beautiful marvel and useful tool. A deadly distraction and a lethal fuel. Bitter seduction and two edged sword cutting and painful. Yet freeing and true. I guess the power is up to you. For now I will write and let the words drip. Speaking in silence these letters on lips. Empty my feelings, quiet my mind. Breathe in and breathe out. Stillness is mine to find.

Quick question

Why is the idea of God more unreasonable to many people than the Big Bang? That idea seems much more silly to me than the idea of our very detailed and complicated universe being designed by a great Designer.

He made this game of life and each of us characters. We are trapped in this very real universe which is actually just a thought of a Designer called God. The one rule He gave Himself was to never mess with free will.

The first few hundred humans decided to do Life the hard way and be jerks to each other. After life had been going on for a while, God realized humanity, (all of us mini gods who think we control life) were mostly ungrateful jerks, so he wiped the world clean with the flood and started again with different humans who ended up becoming jerks so God gave them a few rules. Unfortunately the rules weren’t enough to stop humans, so He made a plan.

Make Himself into a human, go into the game and tell the characters that they don’t have to worry and treat others bad. Life is amazing and we get to love it and each other and we should love God because He made it all and even became human so that all of us would know that He, God, knows it’s hard to be human. It is for all of us, but it will be over one day.

When we die, we are either trapped in the game as ghosts, or we go meet the Designer and we find out this reality was just a thought.

It helps if you know the Designer but He gives us control of that. Have fun playing your roll. Recognize the beauty in the world and each other. Love is the answer.

Restless mind in a lazy body

When I’m lazy, as some days are, I stay at home or don’t go far.

My mind can’t stop and my body won’t go, so onto social media I flow.

Sometimes I rhyme and then I might stop.

I let the words fill up the white space on the page, and as I do so, my breathing slows. It’s like a tap, dripping my thoughts.

Drip – why am I so lazy?

Whisper – Sometimes your brain can’t choose what to do so it chooses to do nothing.

Drip – How can I do things I’m not capable of doing?

Whisper – Depend on My power.

Drip – what if I am not doing enough?

A whisper – even non doing is doing with the right mindset. Simply be.

Drip – I’m afraid I might let you down.

Whisper – I have not given you the spirit of fear.

Drip- what if I can’t do it all or do it well?

The quiet whisper from the land without time, you already did.

Drip – I love you Lord.

Whisper – I loved you first.

An Empty Sock

An empty sock, is what you were.
A lifetime of memories no more than a blur.
The years of miracles, the lessons you share.
Time never ending, yet His end is near.
The art of a life spent dying to save.
The Passion was only one thing that You gave.
You gave up Your dignity, throne, and pride.
You became a human, got tortured, and died.
Shedding tears of blood,the Spirit had to let you go.
Loneliness enveloped you in hell’s fire glow.
Simply a sock when the Spirit was gone,
But as many know, His Spirit lives on.
One day even His body comes back,
Until then, let’s pick up some slack.
Take care of each other.
Love and love back.

Your best life

I’m in a wheelchair. With MS. Sometimes I poop on myself. I have a catheter, so I’m constantly peeing into a bag. I have consistent pain and my cognition is rapidly declining.

I’m also on social security which pays me to sit around. Which works well because I see walking as overrated. I love my life of dancing around town in my wheelchair and celebrating the amazing life I have.

It is also a very painful and frustrating life, but you don’t appreciate the good if you don’t get the bad. They both are there. Changing you perspective changes everything.

I can’t stop

Can I be brutally honest? I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t get you out of my head. I feel you even though you’re not with me. I never thought I’d be this whipped. Part of me knows it’s pathetic and the rest of me doesn’t care. Never had it been so intense. You captivate me. What choice can I make other than complete and utter devotion to you. To the part of me that is filled with you. My body trembles from your touch. Take me and have your way with my body and my mind. You are the answer to every question. You are my obsession. Come Lord Jesus come.

You consume me

I’m burning with passion consumed by your love. I never imagined this gift from above would strip down my mistrust, peel back my fear. Show me with certainty your presence is near. I’m captivated by you, in Love with your touch, I never knew I could love you this much. Your more than I ever imagined I’d find. You love haunts my spirit and saturates my mind. I’m addicted to your magic. Never let me go. I’ll be yours forever. I love more than you know.


So apparently I am God’s Sock puppet which is a little scary to be honest. I never imagined that this would be my life. I love dancing around town in my wheelchair I love making people smile and celebrating life. Being the person I was created to be.

I didn’t realize that I would view walking as overrated. I never imagined I would see myself as a professional damsel in distress, which is a little scary to be honest. I love dancing around town in my wheelchair and making people smile and celebrating life being the person I was created to be.

It is hard though. Sometimes I shit on myself. I have a Foley catheter in now, but wear diapers and am in consistent pain. My memory is almost non existent and cognition getting worse by the day.

Therein lies the problem. I have a paradoxically good and bad life, full of adventure.

I’m a want to be writer, artist, dancer, as well as a good mother and citizen and unapologetic Christ follower. I have got to get in the habit of writing more and need a place to express my thoughts. Thanks for giving me a place to flow.