What to do when you realize you are an idiot:

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In light of recent events, I am re-posting this as a reminder to myself. First and most importantly; don’t panic. 98.875% of the world’s population will come to this realization at some point in their lives. If you don’t think … Continue reading

Grounded


I’m dangerously depressed.

It’s a pretty day outside, November miracle weather. I should be dancing around town in my power-chair, but I cant. Last time I was out and about something happened with the joystick on my chair, making it immobile. I have a manual transport chair that I am using, but…

Close your eyes. Now damn it! Oh, I forgot you needed them to read. Okay, don’t close your eyes but try to imagine flying around your town. Not in an airplane, you are half human, half machine. You enjoy using your arms as wings, and dancing while you fly. Always dancing. You dance everywhere you go because it feels so good to fly that you can’t help but dance.

Suddenly something snaps in your wing arms and you can’t fly or dance around town, or even get the basic errands you were planning on doing done. You are nothing more than a hurting, broken, flightless cyborg.

That’s me. Dependent on my mechanical body parts, which can break down at any moment. They said it could be as early as tomorrow, but probably next week when the technicians will be able to take a look at it. So I’m sad.

Thinking 12 years might be too long. That’s the plan, sky-diving to my death 12 years from now. I’ll really fly that day, so I guess I do have something to look forward to.

Ok, ill suck it up and put on a happy face and be a good little cyborg now. Thanks for the vent space.

A few last minute Christmas gift ideas for husbands:


Write him a book: The great thing about this idea is that you don’t actually have to write a whole book…your husband probably won’t read it anyway. Just write a few pages, dedicate the book to him, and then paste those pages into some romantic book like “Lady and the Tramp”. A new book cover and you are ready to go.

The Sleep Inducer: What! You haven’t heard of this? Well here is the link: http://wp.me/p1Cvgh-4b

Coupon booklet: If you have children they have probably made you a few of these, but basically you just write a few “coupons” for housework or other things. The great thing about this gift is that after Christmas, your hubby will leave this book lying around somewhere. Before he gets a chance to cash the coupons in, just hide the book. Your husband will not want to get into a fight about how he could have lost the book you worked so hard on, so he will probably not even mention that it is missing.

A blow up doll: Not that kind…you and your dirty minds. One of those things that you blow up and then punch…it’s like a punching bag, but cheaper and easier to wrap. They come in all sorts of characters like Mickey Mouse and Sponge Bob. Your hubby needs something that he can take his frustrations out on and it can be a great workout.*

Bows: One of the great things about Christmas is that you can slap a bow on something and it suddenly becomes a gift. Bows can be conveniently stuck to almost anything that your husband seems to enjoy…guns, tv, money, body parts, etc.

Merry Christmas and Good Luck!

*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

Up On The Housetop: Do it yourself guide.

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Real  Up on the housetop you better not pause    You’re not really Santa Claus. Down through the chimney you might fall    If you put the lights up so tall.   Oh, oh, oh! There you go.   Ow, ow, ow! … Continue reading

Santa Baby (Mom Version)

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If you have not heard this song go to: This Link and hear the real thing first. If you’re familiar with the song, please open this link (or a similar karaoke version of the song) and listen while inserting the following words: … Continue reading

Jingle Bells: And Other Noisy Toys

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Real – These things are better if you sing them to the tune of the real song. Went shopping on Black Fri.    I got a bunch of toys Passed up the drum set my kid wants   Cause I didn’t … Continue reading

Grandma Got Runover By Some Rain Gear: Illustrated Version

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I think this is the favorite out of my remade Christmas songs, so I thought I’d make some pics to go with it. Now, please don’t be too harsh on the drawings, they are just for fun. Real…Karaoke Grandma got … Continue reading