Sometimes I lie awake


Thinking of You wondering exactly what I should do. I only have so much time in this place before I’m sucked up to another dimension in space.

So I think of my tasks, rehearse the right lines. Waiting for the one thing on which my heart pines.

And yet as the seconds slip quickly away, I wonder if I will be able to say the things that I think, the things that I feel. I need to tell everyone that Jesus is real.

I’d already say That most people believe. His Grace is a gift so many receive, yet there is pressure to be so much more, perhaps weakness is what I was made for.

This life full of pain and many mistakes, is just like other lives He often takes to show us it’s His power burning through me. Making my life what He wants it to be.

And so I will relinquish my attempts at control of the hijacked life that my Savior stole. I’ll try to be nothing so that You can be more. You are the One we were made to adore.

I am just a sock filled with Your Love, desperately trying to pour out your truth from above, that You love us all, no matter who we are. You want us to know You, and not from afar.

Up close and personal, straight to the heart. Healing and hopeful, and loving each part, only so close to the God many know, You have so much more of Yourself to show.

You are both male and female and everything in between, though to one Gender or another I doubt that You lean. You’re simply Love, yet so much more. You gave each a purpose for us to live for.

You called me to speak without any fear of the things that society will probably not want to hear. That Jesus loves all and died for the same, and wants all His children to know more than His name.

He created each of us and knows the soul inside the illusion our bodies often hide. Help me reach out, help me make waves, reminding everyone that Jesus saves.

Maybe from Hell definitely from death, perhaps from a life addicted to meth or some other vice that we have fallen for instead of Your in dwelling love at the core.

So now is the question, the most important one. Do you believe in Jesus, God’s only Son?

Let’s just get this out there.


Everyone loves you and so do I. But there is no jealousy.

Because You are Oxygen. But our bodies are not only Oxygen. They are also full of self and the good and bad that is everyone.

We are mini You’s. With god complexes. Masters of “our” universe, which is actually Your Youniverse.

And You gave us a Way out. A skin of humanity. For the Designer of the Youniverse.

You made Your Skin die. To rescue the game. You made us a place. There is no greater name.

Thank you Jesus. I love you God. Your Spirit is the air I breathe and the water I drink.

Talking to You


Sometimes I just want to talk to You, God

I don’t understand why people don’t believe in You.

I don’t understand Your timeframe

I ask people every day if they believe in You and most of us do.

But some don’t

Or think that You were merely a good man who got tortured to death.

But You were God. You are God. You love humanity so much You died to save us.

But why do You love people who hate You?

I made you.

I’m the writer of the thing called life.

You are a sock. A beautiful, adventurous, and at times a smelly or damaged vessel.

I am scared that I won’t do enough or the right things.

I’m lying here in bed and haven’t actually slept in a while because my mind won’t stop.

I feel like God is calling me to tell everyone…

What God? What am I supposed to say?

God wants me to tell you that time is short. Shorter for me than for most of you, but the screaming silence in my brain tells me that we need to celebrate the life we have no matter what that life looks like. If you don’t like where your adventure is going choose a new path and do it now. Jesus was God taking on the form of a sock, which is why He never wanted to be worshipped as a God during His short time in our world. He is the best writer I know and wants you to know Him. He loves you and so do I.

I’m a time traveler and I only have 2 and 1/2 more years


Before this body disappears

So I’d better make a vision board

Crafts to give away

Art from debris all over town

Signs on chair

Videos of changing your socks every day

Road art book

Bio

Play

Children’s book

Limit time on social media

Get rid of everything not related

Website, dyingwithstyle.org, update and maintain

Let’s talk


I’m crippled and a professional damsel in distress. Safer buckled into my wheelchair as I roll off a curb and tip the chair on its side or into another predicament.

So thanks for the chair and my unconventional life. The thing that is haunting my mind is actually considering the possibility of being back in a nursing home.

There are benefits to both.

I currently have a handicap accessible apartment in a town I love and a friend staying with me who can help with transfers and other things. However I’m not great at remembering to eat or drink much less healthy food. I also often forget or ignore my medications. I’m not great at taking care of myself.

Nursing homes provide healthy food on a regular schedule and medications given as prescribed. They also help with transfers and other physical needs. However, personal freedom is limited.

I actually think it would be nice to spend a month or so getting taken care of. Especially since I haven’t been taking care of myself well.

I also think that maybe I should just try harder to make myself take care of myself better. But there are many things I can’t do. Like cook healthier and keep my apartment clean. But maybe I could. Just because I haven’t in 39 years and my body can’t bend easily and my mind is scattered…

What do You think God? Your opinion is the one I’m searching for and You seem quiet on this one. I loved experiencing Your magic on my last stay in a home. We were so close there and even though we are still close, I think You like feeding and hydrating me well and seeing my body respond to correct medication levels. I think You like using me to spread Your love to the people that surround me whether at my apartment or in a home. So which is better?

Should I try to stay or try to go, or just be still because You already know that in reality I’m not in control. Help me have peace with how this plays out. And in the meantime I’ll try not to doubt. The Love I know so much about. Your will be done God, whether here or there. I’m so glad You are everywhere.

A reason not to try


I can’t get out of my head

So I come here or to some other type of social media

In the vain hope that words typed onto the screen

Will free me from the prison of my mind

I tell myself I should be writing a book

Why won’t I?

Am I so afraid I will fail that I don’t even try?

So I bleed words onto social media.

Biding my time

Waiting for the inevitable moment of realization that the time has passed.

I’ve waited too long

Maybe that’s what I’m waiting for, a reason not to try.

I need Power from a much bigger source

Your wisdom, through my veins to course.

Your direction leading the way.

Telling me softly what words to say.

The task is impossible, we both know it’s true.

Unless I do me and let You be You.

Where is the freaking “off”button?


I want to write

I want to think

And I kind of want

A nice stiff drink

I need some time to figure out

The things that I keep thinking about

I know what I need but I’m really not sure

What it is I keep searching for

How am I supposed to find

The power button on my weary mind?

Trusting God


Me – It has been a problem for so long!

Him – I know, I’ve been there the whole time.

Me – When are You going to fix it?

Him – Just a little bit longer, I’m only making us stronger.

Me – The deadline is almost here.

Him – I know.

Me – I thought I trusted You.

Him – Point made.

Me – Touché Lord. I’m still scared.

Him – Be still, and know that I am God. You can always completely trust the One who loves you so much He died for you. I’ve got this.

Me – After a day or two of continuing to stress – Okay, thank You God. I’m still scared, but I see Your hand. Making me into the human You want me to be. Help me to trust Your plan.

Him – Hold my hand. I’ll walk you through it.