All I Want for Christmas is Some Apple Stock

Sis, this post is for you! Sing this to the tune of “All I want for Christmas”   All I want for Christmas    Is some Apple stock My sister really    Likes to talk.   Gee, if I had … Continue reading

Vomit, my affair with Apple, and I’m still lovely…

The constitution needs an amendment to initiate a warning system for parents whose children are about to get sick. The government likes to be involved in the everyday life of its citizens, and we amend the constitution for everything else, so why not right?

If such a warning system were in place today, I still would be busy with one of the messy jobs of parenthood, but at least I could have run to the store for a gas mask and some gloves. One kid down (with the flu) a few more to go.

As far as my affair with Apple…it is a love hate kind of thing. Love them enough to write a song (see: All I Want For Christmas is Some Apple Stock). I hate that I dropped by phone from about 3 feet high (person in wheelchair is taller than they appear) and this time cracked the glass in the corner. This is not the first time I’ve dropped the phone, but I guess it was waiting for the worst possible moment to actually break.

That being said; today I was nominated by a lovely person herself at “Xanax or Running Shoes” for the One Lovely Blog Award.. This award is like a man…conditional…(just kidding husband dearest); but I think I am going to follow all the guidelines this weekend when I can concentrate. If I try to do it now, my post might be covered in broken glass and vomit, and I don’t think you all want to see that.

Why did I go outside?

The thought of finally getting to go somewhere was thrilling…not so much the actual going. Did anyone know that it is about 110 degrees out there? Now add a 7 and a 5-year-old on your (slowly rolling so that we wouldn’t tip the wheelchair over) lap and it gets up to about 150.

Actually, it still was fun to go out without a driver. We ended up buying some candy, nail polish (for 5-year-old), super glue, freezer pops, toy skate boards (for 7-year-old), and more candy.  Oh yeah, drinks of course. We almost tipped the wheelchair a few times, and I’m sure everyone who passed by us must have thought we were a circus act.

Overall, a very fun, exciting, dangerous and hot adventure. I think we might submit the story to that I Shouldn’t Be Alive television show. I hope everyone who reads this enjoys their nice air-conditioned cars with seats for everyone. I do think we might have experienced more of an adventure than any other trip to the Dollar Store though.

Be prepared donut shop, we are coming for you next.

Top five companies trying to take over the world

#5 – Apple corporation – iPhones, iPods, iTunes…  Indistructable Idealistic Individuals Intent on Instant Information Idolitry. Yep, you heard it here first folks.

#4 – eharmony and – Anyone who is single has undoubtedly had someone suggest one of these sites to you in a “loving” and “well-meaning” way. Since “1 in 4 relationships begins online” some of the people reading this “met their fiance or spouse” with one of those sites. Their fine print probably states their true intentions of convincing us that no one would really like us in person, so we should spend our lives on one of their sites. To all my single friends, I say stand up to the machine! Lots of people still meet in bars and get married in Vegas. Don’t lose hope! 🙂

#3 – Charmin Toilet Paper – No one wants their bear behind to have little pieces left on it, and everyone needs to wipe their butt. Enough said.

#2 – Taco Bell: From their old commercials with the Taco Bell Dog (Yo Quiero Taco Bell) to their insistence of the existence of “Fourth Meal”, Taco Bell has been sending a clear message that they are necessary for our survival in this modern world. Even their cute little messages on packages of salsa are enough to alert any respectable conspiracy theorist to their true intentions. Don’t forget their famous April Fool’s Day Hoax in which they reportedly were buying the Liberty Bell. We are onto you, you mouth-watering, flavorful company who demands our late night craving…

#1 – Facebook: Where else can you connect with long-lost friends, interact with people you hardly know, play games and annoy others with each little detail of the game, share the intimate details of your life-like what you are having for dinner or where you are at this very second, answer random questions about people, etc.? What isn’t so easy to access is how much information Facebook is storing about you, what Facebook does with that information, and whether or not Facebook is an elaborate alien infrastructure set up to analyze earth’s weaknesses in an attempt to destroy us from the inside out.

If you are already taken over by any of these companies, please understand that these comments do not necessarily represent the opinions of my other personalities, so don’t come after me with your scary zombie friends.