I Need A Christmas Diet Now

Real – Karaoke   Hide all the turkey And the mood food before my spirit falls again Still want some chocolate, But I’m too fat so diet really must begin Now…   For I need a little weight loss; right this …

The Present

Once there was a flower. It was a lovely shade of lavender, this little wild flower. With 5 delicate petals and two tender leaves, she was too small to have much of a scent, but she didn’t mind. She had …

A few last minute Christmas gift ideas for husbands:

Write him a book: The great thing about this idea is that you don’t actually have to write a whole book…your husband probably won’t read it anyway. Just write a few pages, dedicate the book to him, and then paste those pages into some romantic book like “Lady and the Tramp”. A new book cover and you are ready to go.

The Sleep Inducer: What! You haven’t heard of this? Well here is the link: http://wp.me/p1Cvgh-4b

Coupon booklet: If you have children they have probably made you a few of these, but basically you just write a few “coupons” for housework or other things. The great thing about this gift is that after Christmas, your hubby will leave this book lying around somewhere. Before he gets a chance to cash the coupons in, just hide the book. Your husband will not want to get into a fight about how he could have lost the book you worked so hard on, so he will probably not even mention that it is missing.

A blow up doll: Not that kind…you and your dirty minds. One of those things that you blow up and then punch…it’s like a punching bag, but cheaper and easier to wrap. They come in all sorts of characters like Mickey Mouse and Sponge Bob. Your hubby needs something that he can take his frustrations out on and it can be a great workout.*

Bows: One of the great things about Christmas is that you can slap a bow on something and it suddenly becomes a gift. Bows can be conveniently stuck to almost anything that your husband seems to enjoy…guns, tv, money, body parts, etc.

Merry Christmas and Good Luck!

*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

Blue Christmas: Last Remake of the Season

Real Version – Karaoke   I am so blue, blue after Christmas.    Chaos is through, we’re done with the big fuss. Decorations still up, but it’s easy to see    I’m in no mood to, start taking down the tree. …

Frosty The Stoned Man

Here is a real version, and here is one for you to karaoke with my new lyrics to. Frosty the stoned man    Was a jolly happy soul, With a silver pipe and a runny nose    And eyes so red …

Santa Baby (Mom Version)

If you have not heard this song go to: This Link and hear the real thing first. If you’re familiar with the song, please open this link (or a similar karaoke version of the song) and listen while inserting the following words: …

Jingle Bells: And Other Noisy Toys

Real – These things are better if you sing them to the tune of the real song. Went shopping on Black Fri.    I got a bunch of toys Passed up the drum set my kid wants   Cause I didn’t …

Deck the Halls: Redneck Version

Music Deck the halls with that new deer head.    Fa la la la la, la la la la. Gramps, your nose, it sure is real red.    Fa la la la la, la la la la.   Found some …

Nutting For Christmas: Receptionist Version

Video – Real Lyrics   I hung up on my bosses’ call;    Somebody snitched on me. Was shopping online at the mall;    Somebody snitched on me. I kept the call on hold to long    Ignored it to …

All I Want for Christmas is Some Apple Stock

Sis, this post is for you! Sing this to the tune of “All I want for Christmas”   All I want for Christmas    Is some Apple stock My sister really    Likes to talk.   Gee, if I had …