Slipping away


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I can almost feel it; my sanity.

It’s something I can touch, but only briefly, and even then quite I can’t grasp it. I don’t know exactly when I began to lose my mind, but it is more gone then here now.

I’m Becky. That crazy girl in a wheelchair who rides around town dancing.

I made a sign for the front of my chair that says “will someone please buy me a louder speaker?”

Think that’s too forward? I went around a busy intersection in town, and danced with that sign, and my others, about 7 times just circling around the intersection.

I do believe I’ve lost my mind.

Who am I? Part of me can see reality, that I am a mother, with a physical disease, who is also bipolar.

Part of me reads what is on my signs, and the million other quotes I look at. That part believes it’s true, that you do need to be the change you wish to see in the world – Ghandi, That life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all – Helen Keller. That no great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness – Aristotle, etc.

So I live it, I want to see people dance, so I dance. I love adventures, so I dare to do things differently. Maybe madness isn’t something to run away from.

I feel like I’m in the middle of two realities.

#1st reality – I’m a single mother with a disease, I need to provide for and take care of my kids, the house, dogs, etc. I really need a job and money.

2nd reality – I am seriously trying to change the world. To get people outside, to get people to dance, to start recognizing the value we each can and do bring to the table, whether an ordinary writer, or an artist who happens to be in a chair with wheels, or an ordinary guy who notices and helps the crippled girl stuck somewhere. Heroes are all around and even inside of us.

But this particularly insane hero is stuck. In between the two worlds. I have to find a way to make money. If you have any ideas how I could do that, while dancing like a fool, please tell me. I shouldn’t have to turn my back on changing the world to make change at some store where I could fit as a cashier with my wheelchair. Please help me figure out how to bridge the gap.

Is it illegal to dance in your wheelchair in the middle of the road?


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Apparently…yes. My latest run in with the police verified that (you’re welcome, street dancers).

I’ll set the scene for you.

Late night, quiet street, slightly high crippled chick. It was perfectly quiet, calm and serene. Except the music blaring from my phone. The street was empty. The speed limit was like 35 on that road, so I probably would have managed to get out of the way if a car had happened to come by. Ok, maybe not, but I was living life to the fullest.

I had just gotten done playing a few hours of BINGO. I had won absolutely nothing like every other time I’ve gone there, but who’s counting?

I was happy. It was my night out. I was alone, I smoked a little grass after leaving the place and was in the mood to rock and roll. Sidewalks are great for daytime wheelchair outings, but I wanted to try some dance moves with my wheelchair. You know, swerving side to side, twirling around, etc. I figured the world was my playground, everyone was asleep or filming the crazy wheelchair chick through their windows as I passed by. That, and the traffic cams, was just a passing thought as I moved my chair to the rhythm of the night. It was great. Until the suburban came…

I dutifully got off to the side of the road, but the vehicle pulled into a nearby store location and turned its disco ball on for me. Ok, so they were police lights, but it should have been a disco ball. Anyway, I’ll try to paraphrase as much as I can remember of the conversation:

Officer: What are you doing?

Me: Dancing.

Officer: In the middle of the street?

Me: Yes, but there’s no one out here. It’s perfect, I love being out at night, I was playing BINGO,  etc.

Officer: Does your husband and kids know where you are? (Apparently we had met before)

Me: They know I was playing BINGO.

Officer: What if some drunk had come down the road? There’s no way you could move fast enough.

Me: Fair point, I’m sorry, I’ll try to be a good girl and stay on sidewalks wherever they are available, but since you’re here, I need to talk to you about something else.

Officer: Go on.

Me: I’m glad that you know me (he had mentioned my husband, kids, even knew where I lived). The other day some kid yelled out “run Forrest, run” at me. It was funny, but it made me think, what if some night a few troublesome teens see me as an easy target. I need the whole police department to be kind of aware of the fact that there’s this crazy wheelchair girl who likes to go out at night.

Officer: You want us all to know you’re crazy?

Me: No, yes, well, I want you to know I’m out here, so I was thinking I should do or say something that you would tell your buddies about, and soon word would spread through the department and all the officers would keep a better eye out for me. I was thinking…You all confiscated some of my marijuana a while ago and I was wondering if I could get it back.

Officer: I wouldn’t ask for your weed back.

Me: Oh, you could sneak it out for me?

Officer: Please try to be careful out there.

It was so funny, the whole thing. Of course I was high at the time, so that helped.

In other news, I’m entering a huge poetry contest either today or tomorrow, so wish me luck!

 

 

Hello


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Aren’t these awesome quotes? I’ve never heard of the guy who said them, but they are two of my new favorites.

“Life is not about thought but about actions. Let your thoughts inspire amazing actions.” L.F. Baker

“Don’t ever be afraid to lose your mind if you gain yourself in the process.” – L. F. Baker

I have a dream…


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Scratch that, I had a dream. Happens fairly often. Vivid dreams with every sensory input that’s available in the real world.

Typically,these dreams happen after a restless night, between 4 and 7. I usually make little notes about these dreams when I wake, so I can recall them, and/or write about them.

At the risk of giving away a future best-seller, I’ll give you this morning’s note:

Home with kids and a few of their friends
Alone
Sitting around
Watching Blue Bloods
Home/motel?
Fireflies
Crawling under that weird wheelchair ramp…
Escaped lunatics
Chris?
Police man
Capture 2
Riding the tiny pink push-scooter thing with friend?
Getting candy?
Couldn’t make it. I get off.
So funny
Laughter
Love
More lunatics
Me and daughter
Faster
Pool
Chaos
Fear
People watching
My daughter watching
Somebody do something
Talked them into it?
Rescue?

Best-seller right? Have a beautiful day WordPress world.

OAA meeting…


Sign on door: “Don’t Let You Over-Analyze You”

Bob: Hi, I’m Bob, it looks like it’s going to just be us tonight, but that’s alright, more will probably come next week. What is your name?

Sue: Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Sue…I know it’s kind of forward, but can I ask you something?

Bob: Sure.

Sue: Forward was probably the wrong word to use, but anyway, that sign over the door; which “you” am I?

Bob: I’m not sure I’m following…

Sue: Well, if I am the first “you” than I am kind of being a bully by over-analyzing the other “you”.

Bob: I see, but it’s not like she’s being a bully, the sign is just saying that some people are too hard on themselves.

Sue: Oh, I know that’s true, sometimes I just beat myself up…but that means I’m being a bully right?

Bob: No Sue, you’ve got to remember who you’re beating up.

Sue: But that’s the other “you”. If I’m that “you” then the sign is telling me to stop being such a pushover right?

Bob: Kind of, but by coming to this meeting you are taking the first step toward standing up to your inner bully.

Sue: I thought this group was about over-analyzing. I don’t need some sort of self-defense/karate training.

Bob: It’s not a self-defense training. It’s an over-analyzer anonymous meeting.

Sue: Are you getting mad at me? You sound annoyed. I didn’t come here for you to just make me feel bad. I already do that to myself.

Bob: I’m not mad at you…I’m just…never-mind. Listen, I like you and I think that you are doing a great thing by coming here. Let’s just forget about the sign. How do you feel about yourself tonight?

Sue: I came here feeling hopeful, and then I got confused by the sign…now I don’t know if you are just trying to blow me off, hitting on me, or just doing what meeting leaders are supposed to do. I’m really just tired of thinking at all.

Bob: You know what? I’m a little tired too. Let’s just pick this up next week when we are both a little more energized.

Sue: Okay, that sounds good. Same time?

Bob: Yep, 7:00. Thanks for coming. (Thinks to himself, “at least we got past the sign”).

Sue: (In the distance) Do you think I should park a little farther away next week just in case more people come?

Bob: Any spot should be fine Sue. (Hits head on wall)

Join us next time when we meet Bill and Jill, the paranoid twins.

© RFranklin and TheHobbler, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to RFranklin and Hobbling Around with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.