Did that really just happen?


  
A long time ago. 

You stopped my world. 

In a crowded room, there was only you,

And I.

And we both knew it.

At least I fantasize that you knew too.

Life was life.

I had a boyfriend and told you he might answer the phone, but I still gave you my number, because I knew it was you.

Not sure what would have happened if you called, but I’ve always wondered what life would have been.  

I’ll forgive you because of tonight.

We are meant to be together. 

I knew it then.

I’ve never forgotten it.

Never forgotten you.

Then tonight.

Did that really happen?

Are you real?

Your face,

Your voice,

Your everything,

The touch of your skin,

The taste of your lips,

Your mouth on my breast,

Feeling you?

Drinking you?

Was that real?

It can’t be.

People don’t make out with strangers.

People don’t mysteriously connect on the side of the road, after a brief meeting which might have been a dream 12 or 13 years ago.

People don’t have soul mates, or soul-friends-with-benefits, or soul strangers.

There’s no such thing as meant to be.

But I’ll tell you this,

That?

Tonight? 

Was…

Beyond description.

The memory 

Will never leave me.

It’s magic.

Just like those few minutes so many years ago.

Whether that was the same you,

Or merely the you of that moment.

Whether then or tonight really even happened,

Or they were drug induced dreams.

You, are the one I’ve been hoping to find.

Thank you for being real.

Or not…

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The end of hope


  I’m tired of believing.

Tired of wishing on stars.

Tired of dreaming the impossible dream.

Tired of waiting for answers.

Tired of hoping things will change.

Things won’t change.

But I can.

I can know instead of believe.

I can stop wishing and just enjoy the stars.

I can wake from impossible dreams and see what really is possible.

I can find out instead of waiting for answers from something else.

I can change instead of hoping my world will.

Belief is an excuse if there is no movement behind it.

Wishes need dedication to become reality.

Dreams can prevent you from seeing the beauty in each moment.

Waiting for answers is never as satisfying as discovering the truth.

Hoping things will change, can keep you from changing yourself.

Goodbye belief.

Goodbye wishes.

Goodbye dreams.

Goodbye waiting.

Goodbye hope.

Hello reality. Hello action. Hello me. Hello you?

Life’s Final Chapter


This poem is for two people I care a lot about, from both sides of this issue. When you love someone, you set them free.

is

What is it that you find so hard to understand?

I explained it well, what I have planned.

I know that you love me and I love you too;

This is something that I’m just getting ready to do.

I’ve laughed, I’ve loved, I’ve shed some tears.

I’ve satisfied my doubts. I’ve conquered my fears.

You still have lots of living to do.

Don’t blame yourself that my time will be through.

It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s no tragic loss.

The road will be over and I can put down my cross.

I desperately want rest, and lasting relief.

Why does that have to mean heartache and grief?

I’m not angry, I’m not even sad.

I value each second of life that I’ve had.

I know there is so much that I could still live for.

Each day holds promise, a new opened door;

I could continue this life; continue to try

To find some reason why I should not die.

I’m so tired of searching for reasons to live.

A knowledge of my death is a gift that I give.

I’m telling you now, so it will be easier on you

To celebrate my life, when my death is through.

It all could be over this very night.

With a few tiny pills I could put out my light.

But I don’t want you to be left asking why

You choose to live and I chose to die.

I want you to be a part of my life till I’m gone.

Please be a great part of this farewell song.

I’m thinking I still have ten to twelve years.

That should be plenty of time to dry all your tears.

At that point, there is nothing you should say.

I’ll die with dignity. Hopefully in a humane way.

Even our pets can be comfortably let go.

But for some reason our deaths must be painfully slow.

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll be hit by a car.

It could happen in town or when traveling far.

But if I survive till I’m ready to go,

Please don’t force it to be painful and slow.

Let me have fun. Let me be me,

And when that time comes, celebrate,

I’ll be free.

I have a dream…


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Scratch that, I had a dream. Happens fairly often. Vivid dreams with every sensory input that’s available in the real world.

Typically,these dreams happen after a restless night, between 4 and 7. I usually make little notes about these dreams when I wake, so I can recall them, and/or write about them.

At the risk of giving away a future best-seller, I’ll give you this morning’s note:

Home with kids and a few of their friends
Alone
Sitting around
Watching Blue Bloods
Home/motel?
Fireflies
Crawling under that weird wheelchair ramp…
Escaped lunatics
Chris?
Police man
Capture 2
Riding the tiny pink push-scooter thing with friend?
Getting candy?
Couldn’t make it. I get off.
So funny
Laughter
Love
More lunatics
Me and daughter
Faster
Pool
Chaos
Fear
People watching
My daughter watching
Somebody do something
Talked them into it?
Rescue?

Best-seller right? Have a beautiful day WordPress world.

Out of my mind Trifecta


Just for fun, I thought I’d try an “out of my mind” Trifecta this week. I asked for a main character, setting, and format from you all and took the first suggestions received from 3 different people. I also said I might attempt a random word suggestion.

Character: Garden boy – suggested by Anthony

Setting: Merchant ship’s galley – suggested by H.H.

Format: Poem – suggested by Madame Weebles

Random words: ice and curtains – suggested by Mary I, and “wenis” aka the soft skin on your elbow – suggested by PMAO

Trifecta‘s challenge word was “dinosaur” defined – 3: one that is impractically large, out-of-date, or obsolete

*Any of you Trifectans or other people reading this, I am having a pity party this weekend. I’d love to see you there. For more info: Party Time!

Once there was a garden boy.
The beauty of flowers brought him much joy.
His work was play, or so it seemed
Except when he fell asleep and dreamed.
A merchant ship upon the sea
In the galley, is where he’d be
For there his love washes a dish
Soap bubbles embrace her soft wenis
The movement of the curtain’s lace
Shows a lucky breeze upon her face.
Even the wind desperately tries
To touch her lips, to catch her eyes
A man’s cold heart would melt like ice
With just one word from beauty so nice.
But the gardener knew it wasn’t real
Although his heart desired to steal
This gorgeous creature that he dreamed
It wasn’t meant to be, it seemed.
So waking he would quickly go
To making perfect flowers grow
Lips red as rose, hair sunflower’s gold
His dream? A dinosaur, never to unfold.
Although her heart, he couldn’t keep
He wouldn’t have traded a moment’s sleep.
Even when dreams fail to come true.
They still are part of what makes you, you.

To my husband,


You are asleep now, but that’s when I like to write. We’ve been through a lot together, and I think we’ll make it through this too. Life has handed us grenades a few times, but we made it through those right?

Anyway, I’m writing this to you now because I want to be friends with you, and some of the best friends I’ve had in WordPress were ones that I would talk to late at night when they were sleeping. It’s nice that way cause you don’t get interrupted. 😉

Since you don’t have your own blog, I’m just making you a post. Anyway, I love that you read my blog now and that you like my writing. I don’t know why that means so much, but it does. I needed you to know how much it meant to me, and I think you do know that now.

I know that I’ve hurt you a lot, and I’m sorry. It was weird, I think everyone saw that the good/bad stuff would come crashing down, but now that it has…I don’t know, it’s kind of freeing. We have a lot of work to do, for us, for our kids, for our happiness, but I think we’ll be okay.

It’s definitely worth working for. So, goodnight H.H. Sweet dreams. I love you.