OAA: Still Week 9


For the past few weeks, we have delved into the lives of the OAA members as Jerry holds them hostage. Continued from last week:

Jerry: Why did I even try asking you for your story? I should have known better than that. Alright Sue, let’s hear from you now.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Sue: Me? You want to hear from me?

Jerry: Your name is Sue right?

Sue: You don’t have to be mean Jerry. After all, I am the one who gave you a snack bar on your first day here. Anyway, you want to know my story, I’ll be more than happy to share it with you.

I never thought of myself as a overanalyzer. Some people had said some things about it to me before, but I always just saw it as noticing things. I don’t notice things like what the weather will be like, or if the stoplight is red, but I do notice the important things.

Like whether or not someone likes me. I never really thought of Bob that way until I noticed that he hit on me the first time I was here.

Bob: What? I didn’t…

Sue: It’s okay Bob. We might as well get our true feelings out, since this may be our last day here.

Anyway, when I saw that he was obviously attracted to me, I tried to think about whether or not I could like him in a deeper way.

Bob: Sue, you must have misinterpreted me. I never…

Sue: We don’t have to hide our feelings any longer, Bob. Don’t worry, I like you too.

Like I was saying, after thinking about it for a while, I realized that I could fall in love with him. Sure he isn’t the kind of man I am typically attracted to, but I need a change. Those men always end up being crazy, and finally I had found a nice guy.

Bob: Look Sue, I am glad that you think I’m nice, but if I have ever given you the impression…

Sue: That you are shy? Yes, I have noticed that, but every one of us has things that we find hard to talk about. It might have progressed faster, but our relationship would still be about the same, even if you had openly confessed your love for me.

Bob: Relationship? What relationship? Love? Are you kidding me?

Sue: Wow…I didn’t realize you were so sensitive. I’m sorry Bob, I should have talked about this in private with you, but since we both are fully aware of your desires, I didn’t think you would mind me talking about it in front of the group.

Bob: Please just shoot me Jerry…

Sue: There is no need for so much drama Bob. No one here will judge you for falling for me. Jerry and Bill have both had their own crushes on me, but we are all adults here.

Jerry: You are even more crazy than I thought you were.

Bill: I’ll admit it. I looked down your shirt once…

Sue: See, that is just the way it is Bob. Jerry is crazy in love, and Bill wants sex, but my heart is yours. Nothing can change that. Well, I guess if someone  kidnapped me and harvested my organs, technically they would have my heart, but you know what I mean right? I love you. Don’t you love me? You can admit it.

Bob: Sigh…what the hell. We are all about to die here. Sure Sue, sure. I’ve loved you since the moment you walked through those doors.

Jerry: Oh man, I could destroy you. Get a preacher in here, order some boxes of wine; funny stuff. Anyway, I’ve heard enough for now Sue. Who wants to order a pizza?

Everyone: I do

Jerry: That’s what Bob said. (Laughing) Alright, everybody pitch in. Joe, you can call if you promise not to call 911. (Hands Joe the phone)

TO BE CONTINUED…

Tips for Back To School Shopping


This is an older post…a year ago yesterday. Anyway, it still applies. *These tips may not work well for everyone. Some side effects reported are blurred vision, constipation, diarrhea, nausea, headaches, and trouble sleeping. If these continue or are bothersome, … Continue reading

OAA: Week 9 (still)


For the last four episodes, is it four? I can’t really remember. Anyway, Jerry surrounded the building in human manure with the help of his bum friend. He has been holding the members of Over Analyzer Anonymous hostage. Bob just told Jerry and the group why he started OAA. Jerry decided to let him live at least until the others have finished telling their reasons why he shouldn’t kill them.

“Jerry: Can’t you all shut up for 5 minutes? Alright Bob, I won’t kill you yet. You might as well hear the other sob stories. You…your turn…”

Jack: Excuse me Jerry, which of us were you pointing at. From this angle it looked like you were pointing at Jill, but Bill is in that general direction also. For all I know you may be drunk and pointing at an imaginary pink elephant or something. Not that you imagine pink elephants when you are drunk. Hey man, if you do imagine pink elephants, it is okay. There is nothing wrong with that. Your mom probably told you there was huh. I have never understood that. Why can’t little boys like pink elephants or any other thing they want to like? Not that you were drunk when you were a little boy. You don’t have to be drunk to think about pink elephants. I just thought about them, and I am very sober. Please don’t feel like I am judging you if you are drunk. I know that there are many reasons someone…

Jerry: SHUT UP! Look. You seem like a decent sort of psychopath, but if you keep talking I will have to kill you now, and that will freak all you other freaks out so SHUT UP! You Bill, why should I not end your paranoid misery?

Bill: Ha! I knew he’d pick me. Look man, it’s like this…

Jill: No! Don’t say another word Bill. Okay, I did it. I killed my mom and dad, but it was in self-defense! I swear!

Sue: It’s okay Jill, I’m sure it was…

Everyone: Shut up Sue

Jill: I didn’t mean to. Really. They had blindfolded me. I thought they were going to hurt me, and, get this, it was on my birthday! No one wants to die on their birthday. They blindfolded me and they were laughing. Laughing! I didn’t know what to do. I was a kid…8, maybe 11 years old. Billy was watching. He was only 6 or so. He was laughing too, but he didn’t know any better.

They were the ones who knew. I was so scared I was trembling. My mom put her arms around me. I thought at first she was giving me a final hug before they did it. Then she started spinning me around. Can you believe that? Spinning me! They were laughing again and I knew it was the end.

I had to do something. Run, call for help, something, but I was dizzy from the spinning and there was no one around to hear me scream. Finally she stopped turning me, and then they did the strangest thing. They put a weapon in my hands. It was like they wanted me to end their reign of terror. I could see through the crack at the bottom of the blindfold, and I swung that bat like there was no tomorrow. Mom was closest, so I bashed her head in first, and when dad leaned down to shield her from more blows, I smashed his face in too. I didn’t have a choice…

I pulled the blindfold off and grabbed Billy’s hand. As we ran into the woods I saw the thing they were going to use to murder me. It was a pink crown hanging from a tree. This thing was massive and it looked heavy. It probably had a bomb or something in it. My parent’s had been so sadistic they had even put a big 12 on it. The age I turned that day. Sickos.

Anyway, when Billy asked me why I killed them, I told him that they weren’t actually our parents, alien shape-shifters or something is what I told him. I guess that is why he is so screwed up, but I had to tell him something…

I don’t want to go to jail. Please, you all can see what happened right?

Sue: Of course we can see Jill. You didn’t have a choice, poor thing.

Jack: Um Sue, I think the crown was actually a…

Jerry: I thought I told you to shut up boy! Alright Jill, I almost killed you for taking your brother’s turn, but after that story I can see that you are more delusional than Bill is. Nobody move. I have to sit down. Does anyone have an aspirin?

TO BE CONTINUED…

I think I need an intervention…


Don’t worry PMAO. This is not about the drugs. Fellow bloggers. My friends. I may need help. It has been three years since my last confession. What am I talking about? I’m not catholic. Okay, help please. I was starting … Continue reading

Song of my life/night/day/what is this?


If you had told me at the beginning of this year that I would do the things that have already happened by July 21 I would have said that you were crazy.

Sometimes comfortable…other times not so much…

Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb Lyrics

Songwriters: WATERS, ROGER / GILMOUR, DAVID JON
Hello,
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone home?
Come on
Now
I hear you’re feeling down
I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again
Relax
I’ll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move
But I can’t hear what you’re saying
When I was a child
I had a fever
My hands felt just like
Two balloons
Now I’ve got that feeling once again
I can’t explain
You would not understand
This is not how I am
I… Have become comfortably numb
O.K.
Just a little pin prick
There’ll be no more aaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it’s working
Good
That’ll keep you going through the show
Come on
It’s time to go
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move
But I can’t hear what you’re saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
I… Have become comfortably numb

OAA: Week 9


If you don’t know what OAA is, get off my blog.  Just joking…overanalyzers can joke occasionally too (we just worry about it later). It stands for Over-Analyzer Anonymous, and to get the most out of this post, you should really read the whole series in the OAA category.

Bob: Hello everyone. As I mentioned last time, we are going to try moving past the “getting to know you” stage and into the “getting to change you” stage. This is a meeting designed to help you manage your overanalyzing tendencies better. Learning to use those very traits that inhibit you now. Overanalyzers can be powerful people too!

Bill: What the hell is that supposed to mean!

Jill: Shut up Bill! He is just trying to help you freaks.

Sue: He thinks I’m a freak? I didn’t mean to act weird. I like coming here, but if I am a freak maybe I shouldn’t come anymore.

Jack: Hold on Sue, I think that Bob knows that you all are just struggling with a psychological problem that was probably brought on by some traumatic experience when you were a child. I know that is the case for Jill and Bill. They haven’t come out and said it, but we all know Jill probably killed their parents and made it look like some weird alien war, which has freaked Bill out ever since. It isn’t something that you guys can control. I am pretty sure that Joe’s was brought on by that time that everyone found out that even though he was tall for a Chinese guy, he doesn’t have a…nevermind. My point is, Bob just doesn’t really know the best way to talk to overanalyzers without freaking them out, but he still cares. I’m sure he can see how much you like him. He wants to help you…

Bob: Thanks Jack, but let’s not over think other people’s problems okay? All I am saying is that we are ready to take steps to becoming the people that we truly want to become. Don’t you all agree?

Bill: You are the one with a problem. Just because some of us know what is really going on in the world doesn’t mean we overanalyze it. When did this thing become about overanalyzing anyway? I thought it was the Over-throwing Alien Attacks support group.

Jill: I’m not going to even touch on that statement Bill. I never killed anyone, and I will do whatever is needed to silence those ideas if you catch my drift Jack…

Sue: So, you sure you aren’t mad at us Bob? Because you have this vein that starts throbbing on your forehead when you get angry, and it is throbbing now. Unless that is just what happens when you get excited or shy or whatever. It is kind of cute I guess.

Joe: (Phone beeps) Holy shit! I got a real text! Oh, it’s my mom…

Jack: Jill, I don’t care what you have done. I don’t judge people, I have some problems too, like just this morning I couldn’t find matching socks. It is the darndest thing. I knew I put them away by matching them up, just like I do every day. Well, every day I do laundry, which is actually about every third day. Unless I’m…

Door swings open – Jerry stumbles in, wine in one hand, a handgun in the other –

Jerry: Nobody move or say one word. This place is surrounded by fecal matter and my friend, who’s outside with my cart, will light that shit on fire if I give the signal. I have some things I want to say to you wackos…

TO BE CONTINUED…

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Reasons Writers Don’t Write: Top Ten


Sorry that I haven’t really written as much as I usually do. The problem is that I have had way too much to do lately. Really, there has been laundry, dishes… I am sure I will think of some more … Continue reading

Ode to WordPress


How wonderful I think of thee.

I type, although I need to pee.

Fat and thin, all alike

Can act like we swim or ride a bike.

My stats so often I will check,

That I soon get a cramp in my neck.

My butt is sore, my legs are hairy

But to walk away now would be quite scary

Cause, what if someone would subscribe

Besides the two I had to bribe?

So here all day I’ll faithfully sit

With each new post, hoping people like it.

Oh WordPress I could never do

Without my only friend….that’s you.

😉