Thinking of You


Again

As always

I’m obsessed

It’s pathetic

But sweet

You want my devotion

You get off on my obsession

You demand my respect

You crave my adoration

You love

That I

And so many others

Get on our knees for You

Madly in love

Craving Your touch

Completely in love with the Master

And His firm and loving hand

That guides

And disciplines

And comforts

And does so much more.

So take me Jesus.

I’ve always been Yours.

Satan Cracks Me Up


I’ve tuned into a Jesus Devotee this year. He’s taken over all of my social media, and the rest of my life. I got saved as a child but after a life of trials had come to the conclusion that we were probably all right.

Then all the stuff earlier this year (see blog)and now I’m a Jesus freak, so, whatever. Anyway, back to Satan. He doesn’t like me because I’m so into Jesus, even though I love Satan too, in some ways.

God and me love everyone. Anyway, the other day he started messing with my ears. Now they ring all the time.

He thinks he can make me forget to tell everyone that Satan exists only in your head. It is hard, and I can’t do it while writing this because I’m looking at a screen.

When I’m done being my head to write, I’m going to tell my brain to shut up and to quit being such a narcissist. Then I’m going to close my eyes and be my body and soul. You can too.

What’s going on?


I’m kind of at a loss

Wondering why my life You’d toss

I’m sure You’ve got some plan

But I’d like to understand

Exactly what’s going on

You want me to get strong

But the method is so tough

I doubt I’m strong enough

To handle it this way

What I’m trying now to say

Is that I’m feeling scared

I don’t think I’m prepared

To handle life this way

What my heart keeps trying to say

Is that even though I’m confused

I’m sure I’m being used

But how and in what ways?

And for how many days?

I’ll try to make it through

I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts

The bad times come in spurts

Good things are around the bend

The pain will one day end

Until I understand

Please Savior, hold my hand.

Perhaps it’s a bipolar swing


But after a day like today

It is difficult to sing.

Though I know Your promises

Still ring true

There’s only so much a promise can do

I feel like I’ve screwed up

By being so down

A sorry excuse with no jewels in my crown.

Maybe it’s better to give up on me

The feeling comes so naturally

I’m sorry for wasting so much of Your time

Imagining I could be part of the sublime.

Silly girl full of fantasy trapped in this nightmare.

Dreaming of a day when I will no longer care

That my body can’t move, much less walk or run.

That depression lurks often and blocks out the sun.

That I often feel like I’m not good enough.

That I’m running on empty and tired of being tough.

I long for Your peace, but don’t feel worthy

When reality takes over and distorts what I see.

So God if You still love this broken mess of me

Hold me and your truth, please let me see.

Sometimes I lie awake


Thinking of You wondering exactly what I should do. I only have so much time in this place before I’m sucked up to another dimension in space.

So I think of my tasks, rehearse the right lines. Waiting for the one thing on which my heart pines.

And yet as the seconds slip quickly away, I wonder if I will be able to say the things that I think, the things that I feel. I need to tell everyone that Jesus is real.

I’d already say That most people believe. His Grace is a gift so many receive, yet there is pressure to be so much more, perhaps weakness is what I was made for.

This life full of pain and many mistakes, is just like other lives He often takes to show us it’s His power burning through me. Making my life what He wants it to be.

And so I will relinquish my attempts at control of the hijacked life that my Savior stole. I’ll try to be nothing so that You can be more. You are the One we were made to adore.

I am just a sock filled with Your Love, desperately trying to pour out your truth from above, that You love us all, no matter who we are. You want us to know You, and not from afar.

Up close and personal, straight to the heart. Healing and hopeful, and loving each part, only so close to the God many know, You have so much more of Yourself to show.

You are both male and female and everything in between, though to one Gender or another I doubt that You lean. You’re simply Love, yet so much more. You gave each a purpose for us to live for.

You called me to speak without any fear of the things that society will probably not want to hear. That Jesus loves all and died for the same, and wants all His children to know more than His name.

He created each of us and knows the soul inside the illusion our bodies often hide. Help me reach out, help me make waves, reminding everyone that Jesus saves.

Maybe from Hell definitely from death, perhaps from a life addicted to meth or some other vice that we have fallen for instead of Your in dwelling love at the core.

So now is the question, the most important one. Do you believe in Jesus, God’s only Son?

Blockin content


It doesn’t happen much here,

I’m not sure how to say this, but I’m going to try. The God I believe in is in my phone and every other thing. He wrote a book, came out as bi in the first chapter of Genesis, wrote 10 rules in stone, sent Jesus to teach us that love for God and for humanity are the most important of God’s ten rules, which Jesus set us free from, but they are still good rules.

None of them is about sexuality. He doesn’t want us to cheat on each other and never specified who can marry who. Jesus loves rainbows and butterflies and love. He’s glad His children have embraced the symbol for their movement and loves the JCLDS church and most others.

Anyway, God often doesn’t let me reply to comments on my posts. I’ll get an email about the comment, but when I click on view or reply the post won’t load. I think He is protecting me. He wants me to tell people but knows that many will not be receptive to His message.

I Love you all, even if you disagree with something I say. I post when and what I feel like God wants and He doesn’t stop me from posting love but sometimes blocks me from seeing hate. I hope everyone prays about or meditates on, or comments hate or love or questions but I might not be able to reply. Thanks for understanding.

Let’s just get this out there.


Everyone loves you and so do I. But there is no jealousy.

Because You are Oxygen. But our bodies are not only Oxygen. They are also full of self and the good and bad that is everyone.

We are mini You’s. With god complexes. Masters of “our” universe, which is actually Your Youniverse.

And You gave us a Way out. A skin of humanity. For the Designer of the Youniverse.

You made Your Skin die. To rescue the game. You made us a place. There is no greater name.

Thank you Jesus. I love you God. Your Spirit is the air I breathe and the water I drink.

Talking to You


Sometimes I just want to talk to You, God

I don’t understand why people don’t believe in You.

I don’t understand Your timeframe

I ask people every day if they believe in You and most of us do.

But some don’t

Or think that You were merely a good man who got tortured to death.

But You were God. You are God. You love humanity so much You died to save us.

But why do You love people who hate You?

I made you.

I’m the writer of the thing called life.

You are a sock. A beautiful, adventurous, and at times a smelly or damaged vessel.

I am scared that I won’t do enough or the right things.

I’m lying here in bed and haven’t actually slept in a while because my mind won’t stop.

I feel like God is calling me to tell everyone…

What God? What am I supposed to say?

God wants me to tell you that time is short. Shorter for me than for most of you, but the screaming silence in my brain tells me that we need to celebrate the life we have no matter what that life looks like. If you don’t like where your adventure is going choose a new path and do it now. Jesus was God taking on the form of a sock, which is why He never wanted to be worshipped as a God during His short time in our world. He is the best writer I know and wants you to know Him. He loves you and so do I.

Wait a second, that’s it?


I just have to be still and know? That You are God and I am not, so whether I spend my time stressing or smoking pot. The book was actually written by You, so in reality I don’t have shit to do, except to listen to Your quiet prompts if I want to. The choice is each of ours to make.

You wrote us choose your own adventure lives, and gave us the chance to know the Author. This Spirt of God who actually is fucking hilarious and doesn’t care if I say fuck or shit and this is my blog so deal with it. Anyway my mind has again been blown.

Okay, so personally, I like knowing the Author of Life, but fair warning if you get to know this Jesus everyone loves so much. He does a lot of crazy shit! God I love You!

Let’s talk


I’m crippled and a professional damsel in distress. Safer buckled into my wheelchair as I roll off a curb and tip the chair on its side or into another predicament.

So thanks for the chair and my unconventional life. The thing that is haunting my mind is actually considering the possibility of being back in a nursing home.

There are benefits to both.

I currently have a handicap accessible apartment in a town I love and a friend staying with me who can help with transfers and other things. However I’m not great at remembering to eat or drink much less healthy food. I also often forget or ignore my medications. I’m not great at taking care of myself.

Nursing homes provide healthy food on a regular schedule and medications given as prescribed. They also help with transfers and other physical needs. However, personal freedom is limited.

I actually think it would be nice to spend a month or so getting taken care of. Especially since I haven’t been taking care of myself well.

I also think that maybe I should just try harder to make myself take care of myself better. But there are many things I can’t do. Like cook healthier and keep my apartment clean. But maybe I could. Just because I haven’t in 39 years and my body can’t bend easily and my mind is scattered…

What do You think God? Your opinion is the one I’m searching for and You seem quiet on this one. I loved experiencing Your magic on my last stay in a home. We were so close there and even though we are still close, I think You like feeding and hydrating me well and seeing my body respond to correct medication levels. I think You like using me to spread Your love to the people that surround me whether at my apartment or in a home. So which is better?

Should I try to stay or try to go, or just be still because You already know that in reality I’m not in control. Help me have peace with how this plays out. And in the meantime I’ll try not to doubt. The Love I know so much about. Your will be done God, whether here or there. I’m so glad You are everywhere.