Bringing New Meaning to Political Cartoon


The views expressed here are not any endorsement of a particular presidential candidate. They are simply observations of the similarities between presidential candidates and cartoon characters, in alphabetical order, so no hate mail please.

As the year draws to a close we are met with another exciting round of politicians eagerly trying to convince us of their superiority over the others, and of their capability to lead our nation for the next few years. Since it can be quite difficult to keep up with the candidates and their various positions, I have painstakingly compiled a summary of each presidential candidate and more importantly, the cartoon character that they represent.

Michele Bachmann – Little Red Hen

Bachmann: “I’m a former federal tax litigation attorney. I’m a business woman. We started our own successful company. I’m also a member of the US Congress. I’m a wife of 33 years. I’ve had five children, and we are the proud foster parents of 23 great children.

Little Red Hen lived on a farm with her five chicks.  The story is applied in teaching children the virtues of the work ethic and personal initiative.

Bachmann: “Simple. Fair. Flat. Everyone should pay  something.”

Little Red Hen: Have you ever worked hard on a project and found that no one would help you? Then when you got it all done, suddenly  everyone wanted to participate, or use your creation?

Herman Cain – Marvin the Martian

Marvin – In Looney Tunes Christmas he puts prices on products in a super store, until the end of the film when he is promoted to assistant manager.

Herman Cain – “I started at Pillsbury as a manager in one of their analysis functions, then worked my way up the corporate ladder to become vice president.”

Marvin – He attempts to destroy the Earth because, he reasons, “it obstructs my view of Venus”.

Herman Cain – “I’m a professional problem solver”.

Herman Cain – “President Obama’s economic policies have failed to anunreasonable degree. He has no plan for a course correction. He has promised a plan for focusing on job creation since he has been in office. He has had over two and a half years to get it right, and now he wants a month to write another speech, following a three-day bus tour that produced nothing but a bunch of photo-ops. We are not convinced we will hear anything new.”

Marvin – “Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!”

Newt Gingrich – Popeye

Gingrich: I’m not a natural leader. I’m too intellectual; I’m too abstract; I think too much.

Popeye: What am I? Some kind of judge or lawyers? Maybe not, but I knows what law suitks me. What am I? I ain’t no physcikisk, but I knows what matters. What am I? I’m Popeye the Sailor.

Gingrich: “The right policies lead to the right results. And I’m going to argue that President Obama will lose the future because the wrong policies lead to the wrong results.”

Popeye: “Wrong is wrong, even when it helps ya”

John Huntsman – Bugs Bunny

Huntsman: “I don’t think you need to run down someone’s reputation in order to run for the office of president.”

Bugs: “Trouble with this world is that everybody’s out to get everybody else.”

Huntsman: “We have learned that subsidies don’t work and that we can no longer afford them.”

Bugs: ”I haven’t got the heart to tell him that he’s used up all the money.”

Huntsman: “No Child Left Behind hasn’t worked for this country. It ought to be done away with.”

Bugs: “I wonder if some of you out there would care to contribute to the delinquency of a minor.”

Gary Johnson – Eeyore

We have not heard a word from the organizers of next week’s debate. Like everyone else, we simply read in the press that the list of participants does not include Governor Johnson. That’s unacceptable. – Senior campaign advisor Ron Neilson

Eeyore: “I’m telling you. People come and go in this forest, and they say, ‘It’s only Eeyore’, so it doesn’t count.”

Johnson: “This country would be a better place to live in if all the resources we currently put toward criminalizing marijuana were instead spent by law enforcement on protection from real crime, as opposed to victimless crime.”

Eeyore: “Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”

Barack Obama – Foghorn Leghorn

Obama: “If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it’s possible that I’m a little too awesome.”

Foghorn was opinionated, full of himself, and yet, endearing. He loved a good practical joke, too.

Obama: He’s warm, he’s cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic; you just have to keep him in on a tight leash – every once in a while he goes charging  off and gets himself into trouble. Enough about Joe Biden.”

Foghorn: That dog is like taxes: He just doesn’t know when to stop.

Obama: “Hillary is not the first politician in Washington to  declare “Mission Accomplished’ a little too soon.”

Foghorn: “That woman has a mouth like an outboard motor: Put-Put-Put-Put-Put-Put-Put.”

Obama: I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting
party.” – responding to revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins.

Foghorn: That boy’s more mixed up than a feather in a
whirlwind.

Ron Paul – Mighty Mouse

Paul: “It is true that liberty is not free, nor is it easy. But tyranny – even varying degrees of it – is much more difficult, and much more expensive. The time has come to rein in the federal government, put it on a crash diet, and let the people keep their money and their liberty.”

The early operatic Mighty Mouse cartoons often portrayed Mighty Mouse as a ruthless fighter. He would dole out a considerable amount of punishment, subduing opponent cats to the point of giving up their evil plan and running away.

They both are concerned about fear tactics being used to control others.

Paul: “A citizen walking through the airport today is bombarded with 1984-style propaganda messages that are designed to make us fear some amorphous threat and also be suspicious of others. The government designs these messages to make us feel dependent and heavily lorded over in every aspect of our lives.

IMDb: “A viewer notified media watchdog Reverend Donald Wildmon that, in one episode of this series, it looks like Mighty Mouse reaches into a pocket and snorts cocaine from his hand to regain his strength… Bakshi denies it to this day, maintaining that Mighty Mouse was merely smelling some crushed flowers and that the white jet leading from his hand to his nose was merely a cartoon “smell line” moving super-fast from the mighty inhale. The episode was immediately pulled from the rotation so that no one would see it.”

Rick Perry vs. Mitt Romney   – Spy vs. Spy

“The hostilities flaring between Mitt Romney and Gov. Rick Perry of Texas have been steadily rising inside both camps and may signal a new, more combative phase in the Republican presidential campaign.” – New York Times

Spy vs. Spy: They are the only two spies we know who haven’t the sense to come in out of the cold. But they have a ball – mainly trying to outwit each other.

“Mr. Romney and Mr. Perry arrived here with a strategic imperative to challenge the other’s consistency and conservative credentials. The tensions only grew as the night wore on, to the point where Jon M. Huntsman Jr., the former governor of Utah, joked that Mr. Romney and Mr. Perry were at risk of bludgeoning each other to death.”  – New York Times

Their comic strip always features two spies, who are completely identical save for the fact that one is dressed in white and the other black. The pair is constantly warring with each other, using a variety of booby-traps to inflict harm on the other. The spies usually alternate between victory and defeat with each new strip.

Charles ‘Buddy’ Roemer – Doc

Roemer led a fiery campaign calling for a “Roemer
Revolution”, promising to “scrub the budget”, overhaul the education system, reform campaign finance rules, and slash the state bureaucracy by “bricking up the top three floors of the Education Building.”

Step up to the tub, It ain’t no disgrace
Just pull up your sleeves
And get up in place
Then scoop up the water
And rub it on your face
An’ go blud-dle-ud-dle-ud-dle
Ud-dle-um-dum
Pick up the soap
Now don’t try to bluff
Work up a lather
An’ when ya got enough Get your hands full of water
Ya snort an ya snuff
An’ go blud-dle-ud-dle-ud-dle
Ud-dle-um-dum
Ya douse an souse
Ya scrub and scrub
Ya sputter and splash all over the tub
You may be cold and wet when your done
But ya gotta admit it’s good clean fun

Rick Santorum – Daffy Duck

Santorum: “I’m ready to lead. I’m ready to do what has to be done for the next generation, with the courage to fight for freedom, with the courage to fight for America.”

Daffy: “This is opening new doors to feelings I never knew I had! Finally! A chance to champion the merits of goodness and honor!”

Santorum: “My feeling is, well, if it’s my money, I have a right to judge.”

Daffy: “It’s mine, you understand? Mine!”

Santorum: “Watching President Obama apologize last week for America’s arrogance – before a French audience that owes its freedom to the sacrifices of Americans; helped convince me that he has a deep-seated antipathy toward American values and traditions.”

Daffy: “Hey! Whose side you on fella?”

Well, there you go…please stay even more informed on the candidates’ positions before you vote.

*References are linked above. Primarily WikipediaIMDbBrainyQuote, and Project Vote Smart 2012.

© RFranklin and TheHobbler, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to RFranklin and Hobbling Around with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What if…


What if the beliefs you’ve been taught we’re simply beliefs you’ve been taught?

What if you did what you wish the world do?

What if today was the day you became you?

What if you stopped being your past or your future, and you started to be?

What if you were not your thoughts, or your mood, or your parents?

What if you were the person you were made to be?

  

Funny: A bedtime story


 
He had never been popular. Tod was a normal looking kid who got average grades in his typical middle school. 

He wasn’t very athletic, nor one of those “bad boy” types who seemed to always be sneaking around with a cigarette or a girl.

The fact that girls seemed to go for guys like that, was almost enough to bring him back to the “girls are stupid” phase, except for her. Julie.

She had everything a 14 year old boy could long for and more. The only problem was that Julie was popular, aka blind to the rest of humanity, especially nobodies like him.

So Tod daydreamed about doing something amazing.

When the news segment was about a school shooting in Florida, he fantasized about being the kid who took the gunman down and saved the class.

If the weatherman mentioned the possibility of strong storms, he fantasized about leading Julie’s class out of a damaged school.

Even his dreams were about giving Julie the Heimleich maneuver or saving her from a distracted driver at the crosswalk.

He’d be the hero somehow. It felt like his destiny.

One year. 

In one year he’d gone from being unpopular to the most popular kid in school, and now, here he was reading a note from Julie, and she’s calling him her hero.

One year of tests, diagnoses, medications and hospitals was all it took to be a hero. Well, that and his life. 

He’d never imagined dying in a hospital bed before he turned 16, but he could feel it coming. Funny, he thought to himself.

This is seriously the grossest thing ever.


  Stop reading this. You will regret going on. Just walk away.

You just couldn’t help yourself? Fine, but don’t whine and cry and call me nasty or anything like that. I warned you.

I’m a woman. As a woman I have a monthly subscription to Satan’s river. Through the miracle of modern science and engineering, we women have a selective array of products to facilitate or rather hide the rivers’ flow when it comes.

Okay, last chance guys. Believe me, you don’t want to read more.

One of these ingenious products is a plug, otherwise known as a tampon.

Now, I’ve been off my period for a week or so, but several days ago I became disturbed by a rather offensive odor which seemed to be coming from my lady parts. I did what I could, frequent showers, etc, but the odor persisted and seemed to be getting worse.

I assumed I was dying of some horrible and humiliating disease or something, and began preparing my last will and testament, when I thought “maybe it’s a yeast infection”, so I put some ointment on my finger and it began its trek into the depths of my…well, me.

Suddenly I felt something that didn’t feel like me, and I realized “ahhhhh!!! it’s a tampon! Gross! Gross! Gross! Etc.” for about 10 minutes as I fished the disgusting thing out. It was horrible. Traumatizing. Nasty. 

So I looked it up and apparently it happens a lot. Women see their doctor and stuff to have it taken out, so I didn’t feel like as much of a sicko. So that’s it. Told you it was gross. 

I’m smelling better now, and it can actually be dangerous to leave a tampon in, so I guess I’m fortunate in that regard that it wasn’t life threatening.

In the future, I’m going to have to make tally marks for tampon insertion and retrieval or something, because this was one experience I don’t want a repeat of. 

Help Me


  
I need your help.

I make about $560 a month through SSDI. I can’t get a regular job because I smoke weed, which saves me at least $200/month in medication costs and helps with my dance disposition. I live in my ex-husband’s house for free with my kids, but believe me, I pay for that in other ways.

I DONT WANT YOUR MONEY!

I want you to help me with ideas for how to make money. I dance around town, have ad space available, which can go freely in and out of stores or anything. People consistently tell me they see me everywhere, my ad space is valuable, but so far no one has taken advantage of that fact, by paying me to wear their brand name or drink their soda in public or whatever.

I could be a very useful marketing tool, and that’s what I want to get paid for. 

Now, there will be critics who say the companies that sponser me are exploiting my disability. I want to say very clearly right now that:

I AM ALREADY EXPLOITING MY DISABILITY!

I’m a cripple. Before the acceptance and recognition of the beauty of it, people stared at or avoided me or seemed to feel sorry for me because I’m in a wheelchair. Now people definitely stare, but it is not out of pity.  I love it, and want people to stare and smile and laugh and talk to me.

When I actually accepted all of this, I recognized the privileges of being who I am. 

I am fortunate to be able to change the world by being myself, just sitting in a chair and dancing and making people smile. It is an honor.

I am taking advantage of my position by dancing around town with positive signs on my chair and making people smile.

Unfortunately that part doesn’t pay the bills.

I need help to get some form of either sponsorship, or advertising revenue, or something. 

If you see me somewhere dancing, please help by dancing. I’ve started giving my cards to construction workers and mail people and asking them and everyone else to dance when they see me dancing; but soon I will have to make money while doing this, or I’m going to have to stop.

Shh…


  

I know you’re scared,

You don’t know what to think.

What to do.

I don’t either.

I do know it will be okay.

You are strong. 

The only thing that is real

Is now.

This moment where we are traveling through cyberspace.

Meeting eachother. 

Right here.

Right now.

I’ve traveled the dimensions of time and space.

To meet you.

To hug you in a weird way

And to tell you 

It will be okay.

Just Stop


  

Stop playing me.

Stop using me.

Stop toying with me. 

Stop taking advantage of me.

Stop hurting me.

Stop destroying me and then reviving me so you can destroy me again.

I’m so tired of it.

Tired of hoping.

Tired of caring.

Tired of thinking.

Tired of you. 

So stop. Go away or come back so I can pretend I don’t want you to leave. 

Maybe I don’t.

Maybe all I want is for you to stop.