I love being tangled up in you.


I had the strangest dream last night.

I must admit it felt so right.

I was alone, (or so it seemed)

Till it appeared, (or so I dreamed).

The rarely seen, mysterious beast

Upon whom I like to feast.

It drew me in, this twitching string.

I played the cat, clawed at the thing.

Focus on, my mind entranced

Spellbound as the string danced.

I finally caught the elusive thing;

That taunting, disappearing string.

It felt so good between my paws,

Tasting it within my jaws.

Did I play with it, or it with me?

One day the truth I just might see.

It doesn’t matter either way,

The game is fun when both can play.

But now it’s time to groom my fur.

To rub a leg and start to purr.

One day we will meet again.

My muse, and captivating friend.

Happily Ever After


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So many people have an idea of what “happily ever after” looks like. I realized tonight that my “happily ever after” doesn’t look anything like the typical hopes and dreams most people have.

Some of us are cut from a different mold, and maybe, just maybe, it is okay to want something different. I will always value the fairy tale from a literary standpoint, and I am hopeful for those who choose to follow that path. 

My own story will have a much different ending, hopefully still filled with excitement and adventure, but I don’t want a fairy tale prince (or princess for that matter).

I think some people are meant to be alone, and I honestly think I’m one of them. Why should that be a sad thing? 

I want passionate lovers to color the pages of my book, but I want to be the author of the story. I want whirlwind romances to sweep me off my feet, but am I wrong for hoping they don’t linger too long?

I’m a writer. Maybe not the best writer, but can a fairy tale still exist without the romantic “and they lived happily ever after” at the end?  Continue reading

Hurting


  

Yes, there’s the emotional pain of abandonment and loss and rejection, of my…nevermind. I shouldn’t even talk about that heartbreak. 

Physical pain is kicking my ass at the moment. It feels like my legs are burning and being crushed at the same time, and then they spasm and I can’t describe it. From an 8 to a 10. Thankfully each only lasts a second, and they only come every 30 seconds or so. Nothing like real pain to distract you from emotional bs. 

That said, I’ll always miss you.

Do you ever miss me?




I’m doing ok.

Life is actually really good in many ways.

I don’t even miss you all the time. 

But I do sometimes.

Like tonight.

It would be fun to text harass the shit out of you.

Saying nothing important.

I don’t know why.

Sometimes I think that I _______________ you so much because of a fantasy.

I believed you were a kindred spirit. 

Corny, I know.

You understood me in ways that I’m still discovering.

At least my fantasy of you did.

You seemed to…the whole you, not just my dream parts, seemed to know me.

So, it’s your fault.

Why I miss you.

Why I smile just thinking about you reading this and knowing it’s about you.

Do you even read me anymore?

Do you miss me some nights too? 

Dare I say it…miss my endless textversations with myself on your behalf?

I don’t know, maybe you’re glad for the quiet. 

Maybe I was too much for you.

If so don’t blame yourself.

Please don’t start to cry, and no need to call a therapist.

You can alway text me about it.

I don’t get it


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You say you don’t want to play this game
If it was a game, I’d feel the same.
The problem is it’s very real.
I can’t escape the way I feel.

What did I do or say
That made it so easy for you to run away?
Why am I even bothered by it?
It would be better if I didn’t give a shit.

I know exactly what I should do;
Let me be me, and you be you.
Play the part of “I don’t care”
Laugh and dance; learn life’s not fair.

If you love something, let it go
If it comes back, then you’ll know.
But what will I know; that it was a game?
That no one could ever feel the same?

That life is best spent by myself?
Emotions kept neatly on a shelf?
Never risking love or loss?
Floating along, not trying to cross?

Never looking for something more
Than a life that’s easy to ignore.
One day it will somehow end;
This hope of finding a true friend.

Until that day I’ll be just fine.
So please forgive this poetic whine.
For now I’ll simply smile and nod.
Become the happy, perfect fraud.

Dreaming


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You raped me.

You held me down and tore my clothes and

Saved me.

You brought me to the edge of death and

Changed me.

My life before right now was all a dream.

I want you.

The kind of want that hurts so much,

Consuming.

I hunger for your painful touch.

It scares me.

But it’s okay, I can pretend that it is all a dream.

Don’t wake me.

I can change it, make it nice.

Tenderize.

Savory with just a hint of spice.

Join me.

We’ll dine on lust and love like a good dream.

Freeing.

The soft caress on longing skin.

Was magic.

But there’s no need to start again.

It’s over.

You played a special part of someone’s dream.

Move on now.

It’s time for you to run along.

Don’t be sad.

There is an end to every song.

It was nice.

The fading memory of a whirlwind dream.

Another just as valid question.


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Do you believe in love at first sight?

I’m not talking “she’s hot” kind of love.

I have a friend. I know, that in itself is newsworthy, but here’s what got me thinking about first sight stuff.

She had a boyfriend, and bachelors degree and was beginning a good career path. One day at a meeting she met a man. Their meeting lasted less than 5 minutes. She has never forgotten it. There was something about him. Not just attraction. She continued life as normal and eventually married the guy she had been dating, and she has a kid now.

So why does she still think about the 5 minute “love affair” meeting guy?