Help Me

I need your help.

I make about $560 a month through SSDI. I can’t get a regular job because I smoke weed, which saves me at least $200/month in medication costs and helps with my dance disposition. I live in my ex-husband’s house for free with my kids, but believe me, I pay for that in other ways.


I want you to help me with ideas for how to make money. I dance around town, have ad space available, which can go freely in and out of stores or anything. People consistently tell me they see me everywhere, my ad space is valuable, but so far no one has taken advantage of that fact, by paying me to wear their brand name or drink their soda in public or whatever.

I could be a very useful marketing tool, and that’s what I want to get paid for. 

Now, there will be critics who say the companies that sponser me are exploiting my disability. I want to say very clearly right now that:


I’m a cripple. Before the acceptance and recognition of the beauty of it, people stared at or avoided me or seemed to feel sorry for me because I’m in a wheelchair. Now people definitely stare, but it is not out of pity.  I love it, and want people to stare and smile and laugh and talk to me.

When I actually accepted all of this, I recognized the privileges of being who I am. 

I am fortunate to be able to change the world by being myself, just sitting in a chair and dancing and making people smile. It is an honor.

I am taking advantage of my position by dancing around town with positive signs on my chair and making people smile.

Unfortunately that part doesn’t pay the bills.

I need help to get some form of either sponsorship, or advertising revenue, or something. 

If you see me somewhere dancing, please help by dancing. I’ve started giving my cards to construction workers and mail people and asking them and everyone else to dance when they see me dancing; but soon I will have to make money while doing this, or I’m going to have to stop.



I know you’re scared,

You don’t know what to think.

What to do.

I don’t either.

I do know it will be okay.

You are strong. 

The only thing that is real

Is now.

This moment where we are traveling through cyberspace.

Meeting eachother. 

Right here.

Right now.

I’ve traveled the dimensions of time and space.

To meet you.

To hug you in a weird way

And to tell you 

It will be okay.

Shameless self-promotion and call for help.

I’m trying to raise $562 dollars to attend the Oklahoma Writers’ Federation Conference. I’m writing, as you all know, but haven’t officially published anything or found an agent. This conference would allow me the opportunity to rub elbows with agents, publishers, and other writers, as well as pitch my fictional autobiography, and my other writings. If you have a few extra bucks I appreciate any help. If you don’t, please wish me luck.

To donate go to:

OAA Week 11 (actually week 9 because they are still being held hostage in a building surrounded by poop)

When we left our overanalyzers in week 9, Jerry had surrounded the building in fecal matter and he was holding them at gunpoint. They had overanalyzed the reasons behind Jerry’s actions, and he was beginning to speak:

Jerry: How are you all still alive? The kindest thing I could do at this moment would be to put a bullet through each of your heads. You know they took me to jail a couple of weeks ago right? Because of you! All your freaking out. I know I have problems, but I am nowhere near as messed up as you are…

I’m going to give you each one opportunity to tell me why I should save your miserable lives.

Bob: (freaking out) You should save my life because I am not one of these people! Look, I started this group because my mother was an overanalyzer. I saw the effects of constantly worrying about everything. She couldn’t even sleep at night because she kept thinking about what my dad meant when he said she was losing her mind.

She went from making us Micky Mouse shaped pancakes, to having us make our own pancakes because she didn’t want to somehow suppress our creativity by determining the shape for us. Then she cried because she felt she might be contributing to the child labor problem by having her kids cook. Later she worried about the lack of work ethic we might experience if we didn’t make our own pancakes. I can’t even look at a pancake now without vomiting.

I wanted to help others with the same problem. Life is about so much more than pancakes. I thought I could get people together to talk about the true problem, the overanalysis that runs through their minds. I thought I could help them recognize it, and when they start thinking like that, they could alter their patterns of thought and enjoy life. I realize now that they will never be able to get to that point.

We have had week after week of meetings, and we haven’t even started talking about overanalyzing. We are still talking about everything from Walmart to the price of tea in China. Literally! The price of tea in China! Actually, that might have been in my nightmare.

Anyway, maybe you should kill me. All I have wanted to do is to make a difference, and I am obviously not going to be able to do that, so go ahead and kill me Jerry. Might as well.

Sue: Don’t say that Bob, you have made a difference in my life! I’ve been dreaming about you too.

Jill: He said “nightmare” Sue. Big difference.

Jack: Actually, there is not that much difference between a nightmare and a dream. Really, the only difference is the feelings that they evoke. Well, they can influence changes in your heart rate, and blood pressure might be different too. But, if you had a really good or exciting dream, your heart rate would probably equal that of a nightmare. Unless it was one of those dreams where you are flying, which should cause a rapid heartbeat, but for whatever reason in your dream it doesn’t…

Joe: Can I have my phone back Jerry?

Bill: Look man, I’m just as freaked out as you are by these extraterrestrials.

Jerry: Can’t you all shut up for 5 minutes? Alright Bob, I won’t kill you yet. You might as well hear the other sob stories. You…your turn…


Words, words, words…and a million dollars?

I have a friend who recently did something pretty cool with one of his posts. He already gave the answer away in the comments, but it is still worth seeing, so go to the following link if you haven’t yet, and try to guess what is special about his poem…before you read all the comments and figure it out. If you guess it right without cheating, I think he is offering a reward of a million dollars. I could be wrong about the reward though…

Dear Dryer: Your turn now buddy!

It has come to my attention that after my “Dear Washer” letter yesterday, you have been giving my soon-to-be-ex quite a difficult time. This letter is to inform you of certain…let’s say…inadequacies on your part. First of all, you make … Continue reading

New Years Resolutions: I Might Actually Keep

This time of year seems to usher in a whole new sense of believing…believing we are going to accomplish things that realistically are way out of our league. With this in mind, I thought I would make a list of resolutions I might actually be able to keep:

1. Embarrass my children more – Kids grow up fast these days; with all the hormones in our food and water. As parents, it is our responsibility to give our children something they can aspire not to be. Studies have shown that children who were regularly embarrassed by their family members, develop better coping skills and more resilience than kids from well-adjusted families.* The future of the world is in our hands mom and dad…let’s do our part to better society.

2. Develop a bad habit – According to a recent study, it is easier to stop a bad habit than it is to create a good one.* Next New Year’s Day, I plan on having at least 5 or 6 bad habits to resolve to stop.

3. Super-glue my mouth shut – Don’t you hate it when people resolve to be kinder? Or to not talk about themselves all the time? Some people even do silly things like resolving to eat less or stop eating unhealthy foods. When is everyone going to realize that super-glue can fix things will-power would never be able to? Why we squander this resource on merely fixing things is a mystery to me.

4. Exercise more – I’m going to exercise my delegating skills, exercise my remote control, exercise my right to vote, etc. By the end of 2012 I hope to have exercised my way to the top…top of the food chain at least.

5. Give to others – When making this resolution, it is important to realize that you don’t have to have a lot to give a lot. You can give people advice, give out the wrong number, give others a chance…to get out of your way, give your body odor to pleasantly scented rooms, and many other things. Many great leaders will tell you that they never would have made it in their field if it were not for people in their life telling them they would not make it. Who are we to withhold that observation from all we see who are struggling with something? Your harsh criticism might be what pushes them to become the best at whatever they are trying for.

If you have any practical resolutions, feel free to suggest them. By sharing our suggestions we can create accountability for each other and possibly become the people we hate to be around. Let’s do this!

*Any study or other thing suggested in this post is probably around somewhere in the world, but I didn’t actually find it…interactive blogging is my specialty, so find your own statistics.

Writing…Critic vs. Editor

As my other personality mentioned, I am trying to write a book. Funny thing is, I am not sure if I should. Sometimes I look at the writing and think “I am too self-absorbed” or “this is stupid”. The “angel” and “demon” sitting on writer’s shoulders, are really more of an “editor” and “critic”. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between the two. With this in mind:

How to tell if the voices inside your head are editors or critics:

If the comedic satire about your writing is more entertaining than the actual writing; it might be a critic.

If while you are writing you feel the need to “call for the manager”; it might be a critic.

If you are desperately resisting the push to throw the whole book in the trash; it might be a critic.

When you smell rotten tomatoes while you are typing; it might be a critic.

When you finally decide that writing a book is a waste of time; your critic might have just won.

On the other hand:

If you find yourself slicing up your manuscript as if it were Thanksgiving dinner; it might be an editor.

When you recognize how valuable spell check really is; it might be an editor.

If the quality of words is more important than the quantity; it might be an editor.

If you finish your book…and then find yourself writing it 3 more times; it might be an editor.

If you suck up your pride, fix your mistakes, and continue trying to find a publisher; your editor might have won.

Let’s fight the good fight my fellow writer friends. Your story and mine are worth telling.