Best things about doing laundry: Top ten


Since I hate doing laundry, but am not a nudist, I thought I should use the “power of positive thinking” mumbo-jumbo to discover my hidden passion for the mountains of dirty and clean clothes that have taken over my life. … Continue reading

Hate to break this to you, but…


10. If your “friends” were really your friends, they would have told you that you couldn’t sing before you tried out for American Idol…and made it…to the worst singer list. 9. Those “trendy” clothes were designed by the guy voted … Continue reading

Announcing the Next President of the USA.


This time of year we are often surrounded by things that make your eyes water. Things that make you want to just go back to bed and dream that you were born long ago before we had this type of problem. Things that cause your head to ache and your nose to run.

I’m talking about politics of course (what did you think I was talking about?). As we are met with another round of invigorating debate; I would like to take this opportunity to announce my official endorsement of the only candidate truly capable of this job.

This candidate knows what it is like to be in the real world.  This candidate knows what it takes to get the job done. Knows that sometimes for the good of the country you should just shut your mouth and count your blessings. This candidate knows how it feels to do the jobs that no one else wants to do.

This candidate who I am now officially endorsing is…drum roll please…What I Meant 2 Say. I’ve been waiting and hoping that someone great would throw their hat in the ring, and since she did in her last post, I’m voting for her. Unfortunately, she did not pay me a few hundred thousand for advertising, I don’t have the time to be her PR person, and for all I know she might be dancing around in her underwear right now…so, here is my endorsement and good luck girl…p.s. Wonderbutt is going to love the White House.

Dear Dryer: Your turn now buddy!


It has come to my attention that after my “Dear Washer” letter yesterday, you have been giving my soon-to-be-ex quite a difficult time. This letter is to inform you of certain…let’s say…inadequacies on your part. First of all, you make … Continue reading

Dear washing machine,


I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m going to be brutally honest. I’m just not attracted to you anymore. When we met, I’ll admit that the relationship was purely physical. You looked pretty good next to all … Continue reading

I’m too sexy…errr hairy…


This post was inspired by a WordPress friend. Please read her post here before continuing, it will definitely be worth your time. If you have never heard this song, watch the real version first, then click the karaoke version and have it playing in the background while you insert the lyrics here.

Occasionally I remake song lyrics into more meaningful expressions of daily life. This one is for you, Life is a Bowl of Kibble; although I, and probably many of you, can relate.

RealKaraoke 

I’m too hairy for my love
Too hairy for my love
Love’s going to leave me
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I’m too hairy for makeup
Too hairy for makeup
Look like a wolf pup
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And I’m too hairy I should shave
Too hairy I should shave
Or hide in a cave
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And I’m too hairy for your picture
Too hairy for your picture
No way I will endure
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I’m a woman you know that should mean
That I won’t get little hairs on my cheekbones
I’m a woman you know that should mean
That my face shouldn’t look like Sly Stallone’s
 
 
 
 
 
 
I’m too hairy for the store
Too hairy for the store
Won’t open the door
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And I’m too hairy I should wax
Too hairy I should wax
Stop hair in its tracks
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I’m a woman you know that should mean
That my chin will not be sprouting black hair
I’m a woman you know that should mean
I wouldn’t have as much hair as a brown bear
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I’m too hairy for my
Too hairy for my, too hairy for my
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
‘Cause I’m a woman you know that should mean
Facial hair will make me start to freak out
I’m a woman you know that will mean
I will soon start to beg, cry, scream and shout
 
 
 
 
 
 
I’m too hairy like a cat
So hairy like a cat
This is worse than being fat
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I’m so hairy I feel sick
So hairy I feel sick
It’s so gross and thick
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And I’m too hairy for this song
 
 

Fix your relationship now!


Men, does your woman reach for her book just as you find a show that you thought both of you would enjoy? Women, does your man act like the remote is an artificial limb necessary for survival in this modern … Continue reading