Help Me


  
I need your help.

I make about $560 a month through SSDI. I can’t get a regular job because I smoke weed, which saves me at least $200/month in medication costs and helps with my dance disposition. I live in my ex-husband’s house for free with my kids, but believe me, I pay for that in other ways.

I DONT WANT YOUR MONEY!

I want you to help me with ideas for how to make money. I dance around town, have ad space available, which can go freely in and out of stores or anything. People consistently tell me they see me everywhere, my ad space is valuable, but so far no one has taken advantage of that fact, by paying me to wear their brand name or drink their soda in public or whatever.

I could be a very useful marketing tool, and that’s what I want to get paid for. 

Now, there will be critics who say the companies that sponser me are exploiting my disability. I want to say very clearly right now that:

I AM ALREADY EXPLOITING MY DISABILITY!

I’m a cripple. Before the acceptance and recognition of the beauty of it, people stared at or avoided me or seemed to feel sorry for me because I’m in a wheelchair. Now people definitely stare, but it is not out of pity.  I love it, and want people to stare and smile and laugh and talk to me.

When I actually accepted all of this, I recognized the privileges of being who I am. 

I am fortunate to be able to change the world by being myself, just sitting in a chair and dancing and making people smile. It is an honor.

I am taking advantage of my position by dancing around town with positive signs on my chair and making people smile.

Unfortunately that part doesn’t pay the bills.

I need help to get some form of either sponsorship, or advertising revenue, or something. 

If you see me somewhere dancing, please help by dancing. I’ve started giving my cards to construction workers and mail people and asking them and everyone else to dance when they see me dancing; but soon I will have to make money while doing this, or I’m going to have to stop.

Is it illegal to dance in your wheelchair in the middle of the road?


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Apparently…yes. My latest run in with the police verified that (you’re welcome, street dancers).

I’ll set the scene for you.

Late night, quiet street, slightly high crippled chick. It was perfectly quiet, calm and serene. Except the music blaring from my phone. The street was empty. The speed limit was like 35 on that road, so I probably would have managed to get out of the way if a car had happened to come by. Ok, maybe not, but I was living life to the fullest.

I had just gotten done playing a few hours of BINGO. I had won absolutely nothing like every other time I’ve gone there, but who’s counting?

I was happy. It was my night out. I was alone, I smoked a little grass after leaving the place and was in the mood to rock and roll. Sidewalks are great for daytime wheelchair outings, but I wanted to try some dance moves with my wheelchair. You know, swerving side to side, twirling around, etc. I figured the world was my playground, everyone was asleep or filming the crazy wheelchair chick through their windows as I passed by. That, and the traffic cams, was just a passing thought as I moved my chair to the rhythm of the night. It was great. Until the suburban came…

I dutifully got off to the side of the road, but the vehicle pulled into a nearby store location and turned its disco ball on for me. Ok, so they were police lights, but it should have been a disco ball. Anyway, I’ll try to paraphrase as much as I can remember of the conversation:

Officer: What are you doing?

Me: Dancing.

Officer: In the middle of the street?

Me: Yes, but there’s no one out here. It’s perfect, I love being out at night, I was playing BINGO,  etc.

Officer: Does your husband and kids know where you are? (Apparently we had met before)

Me: They know I was playing BINGO.

Officer: What if some drunk had come down the road? There’s no way you could move fast enough.

Me: Fair point, I’m sorry, I’ll try to be a good girl and stay on sidewalks wherever they are available, but since you’re here, I need to talk to you about something else.

Officer: Go on.

Me: I’m glad that you know me (he had mentioned my husband, kids, even knew where I lived). The other day some kid yelled out “run Forrest, run” at me. It was funny, but it made me think, what if some night a few troublesome teens see me as an easy target. I need the whole police department to be kind of aware of the fact that there’s this crazy wheelchair girl who likes to go out at night.

Officer: You want us all to know you’re crazy?

Me: No, yes, well, I want you to know I’m out here, so I was thinking I should do or say something that you would tell your buddies about, and soon word would spread through the department and all the officers would keep a better eye out for me. I was thinking…You all confiscated some of my marijuana a while ago and I was wondering if I could get it back.

Officer: I wouldn’t ask for your weed back.

Me: Oh, you could sneak it out for me?

Officer: Please try to be careful out there.

It was so funny, the whole thing. Of course I was high at the time, so that helped.

In other news, I’m entering a huge poetry contest either today or tomorrow, so wish me luck!

 

 

Life


They cancelled my surgery Friday because my insurance will pay for the surgery, but not the required inpatient rehab. Imagine that.

In other news, I went to the store today, but I avoided eye contact with people. Was it the wheelchair? Not today, although I’m not in an “ignore the pity” mood. It’s the monstrous zit I have forming on my chin.

Why? I’m already disabled and broken and atrophied and everything else. Why can’t life just give me a break and let me have clear skin? If I had a magic wand today, I’d make everyone in wheelchairs drop-dead gorgeous. Have people stare for a good reason.

Alright, enough bitching, guess what day it is? Taco Tuesday! Everything is awesome…

Move Music


I need help making a good playlist of songs I can dance to in my wheelchair. I also need to learn some moves that will look like I’m dancing, vs. having spasms while I’m rolling around town.

Some that I’m thinking are “Happy”, the one I posted yesterday, “party rock”? I’m not sure, but I’d love any suggestions for songs or moves, or both. Pharrell Williams has some basic arm moves for his song, but I really suck at dancing. Even when I could walk I couldn’t dance.

Blue Christmas: Last Remake of the Season

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Real Version – Karaoke   I am so blue, blue after Christmas.    Chaos is through, we’re done with the big fuss. Decorations still up, but it’s easy to see    I’m in no mood to, start taking down the tree. … Continue reading

Up On The Housetop: Do it yourself guide.

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Real  Up on the housetop you better not pause    You’re not really Santa Claus. Down through the chimney you might fall    If you put the lights up so tall.   Oh, oh, oh! There you go.   Ow, ow, ow! … Continue reading