OAA: Week 7

If you don’t know, OAA stands for over-analyzer anonymous. If you haven’t read any previous posts, they start here and are better if read in order.

OAA: Week 7

Bob: Hi guys, welcome to this meeting. It seems as if our group has been pretty much established, so I think it’s time to move on to the heart of the problem. Overanalysis. What does that word mean to each of you?

Sue: Well, it has always sounded kind of sexy to me. Not like the word itself turns me on, but the idea of someone obsessing over me. Or me obsessing over someone else. That is ultimately what overanalysis is…obsession.

Jill: Um, thanks for that Sue. I totally agree, and I am not being sarcastic at all. Overanalysis is: to over think things to the point of it either being annoying or ruining your relationships with people. For example, I hate my parents, not because there was something wrong with them, it’s the disease. The problem was that as a child I had learned that there was much more going on than it appeared. They tried to get me to eat certain food, have time limits on everything, etc. It was all designed to torture and slowly kill us, but when I realized that was going on, I recognized that my parents were probably over-analyzers who felt that children should grow into some idea of humanity. Sad really, their overanalyzing led to the destruction of our relationship.

Bill: My sister is right about most of that, except our parents were actually aliens, dressed up like people. When I learned of this, I became a nudist for a few years, to prove that I was all human. It is kind of strange that aliens could have a human babies, but it is even more strange why the government is covering this whole thing up. It actually has to do with pudding and alligators, but it is a really long story.

Jerry: You are all out of chips man…

Becky: Hi everyone, this is Cookie, remember me telling you about her? Anyway, we just wanted to see if our stalkers followed us here.

Cookie: Look, they are over at that window. I also found this note on our car window: Watch out for voyeurs…weird.

Bob: Let’s try to stay on topic here. What about you Jack?

Jack: Thanks for asking. I have actually thought a lot about what overanalysis is. I think that it is definitely something that you are born with, although it can become worse as we age. It is weird though because every time I think about overanalyzing, then I notice something and get distracted by it. That might be what overanalyzing is, being constantly distracted by details that other people wouldn’t think twice about. Not that I would really know a lot about that.

Like I mentioned I am too distracted to become a overanalyzer, but Joe could probably tell you. He might not want to share though. Sometimes I think that he is a little too private. It is good to be able to be open and express yourself. I worry that he might be pushing all his feelings down in order to appear normal to the outside world. No matter how much he pushes that stuff down, he will still be a really tall Asian dude. There is nothing normal about that. He might as well start getting used to it. Like my mom always told me, we all have different addictions. Not like being tall is an addiction, but maybe he is addicted to obsessing about his height. Could he be addicted to a life of silent overanalysis?

Bob: How about we ask him…Joe?

Joe: Yeah um, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but you all make me seem normal. Got to go, I have to make a phone call.

OAA: Week 6 Meet Joe

Recently I was provided a character for the OAA. Okay, so it wasn’t too recently, but I have been busy. Sorry. Anyway, thank you Titilategorillas for this character. If you haven’t read his analysis of this guy, you have to. Why? Because I said so…you guys are just like my kids. Just do it. It is for your own good. Read the long version. It is a masterpiece of overanalysis. Read all about it here: http://titilategorillas.wordpress.com/about/. I’m waiting…still waiting. Don’t read this until you read his character. Okay, ready now?

OAA Meeting…I think this is technically week 6.

Bob: Welcome to Over Analyzers Anonymous. Wow, the room is really filling up!

Sue: (Thinking) Is he saying I am getting fat? I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that last jelly donut this morning. Another relationship down the drain because of a stupid donut. Well, I guess technically it wasn’t a relationship, but we had a connection…I could feel it…Oh no, I think I just missed what he was saying because I was thinking to myself. Shoot, maybe he will say it again…

Bob: Does that make sense? Anyway, we had better get this thing started if we want to give the newcomers a chance to tell us a little about themselves. Let’s start with you.

Jack: Hi. I’m Jack, and this is my buddy Joe. We really came here more for him than for me. You see, Joe is one of the biggest overanalyzers I know. It makes sense why he would be, if you think about it. After all, he is really tall for a half-chinese guy, and he was the only asian looking guy in his town, so that has to make him feel subconscious. Honestly, I think it made him a little judgemental too. Not that there is anything really wrong with that. Sometimes you have to be able to distinguish between what is good and what’s not. He might not even realize he is doing it, which is funny because the guy pretty much lives inside his own head.

Wouldn’t that be weird? To live inside your head? For some people that would be like living in a tornado. Other people would have a neat and tidy head because they are OCD. I always say that OCD is overanalysis in motion. They just have to tidy their world because if they don’t, their minds will have so much to overanalyze that it would probably kill them.

Not literally, well, I guess maybe it could literally kill someone if they were so OCD that they put their rat poison in a container from the container store, and one day their prankster friend came and switched the lids, not knowing that the rat poison was poison, because the OCD guy wouldn’t have wanted to clutter the container by putting a label on it, so he just trusted it to stay in the same place with the same lid until the crazy prankster guy came and killed him by switching the lids.

Can you imagine the guilt that would cause? I mean, for the rest of your life you would know that your nutcase friend died because you wanted to just mess with him. That is why I don’t get the whole concept of April Fool’s day. Actually, I have participated in it a few times, but my pranks were always well thought out and they wouldn’t even come close to hurting anyone. I’m sure the hypothetical prankster who switched the hypothetical lids didn’t intend on hurting anyone either though. That is the hard thing about friendships, and relationships in general. There is always someone who hurts someone else, and most of the time it is not intentional at all. One time there…

Bob: Excuse me, I am sorry to interrupt, but we should probably give Joe a chance to tell us a little about himself before our time is gone.

Joe: (Looks up from pretending to text someone) umm, Hi. I’m Joe.

Bob: Damn it Jerry! You ate all the snacks again! Look, I have tried to be nice, but this is getting a little ridiculous. If you want a soup kitchen, there is one right down the street, but we are trying to get serious stuff done here!

Jerry: (Flips the bird and starts pushing the shopping cart out the door while mumbling to himself)

Jill: Was that really called for Bob, he was just trying to get a snack?

Bill: Give it a rest Jill…he is obviously here to infiltrate our group just when we were beginning to trust each other.

Sue: (Thinking) He is kind of sexy when he is mad. Oh, what am I doing? This is stupid. He just called you fat, and now you are obsessing over him again? You are losing it. – Umm, where is Becky?

Bob: She left a note on the door that she had work to do, something about stalking…

Jack: Well, it has been a pleasure to meet all of you. I would have liked to get to know each of you better, but I guess there aren’t enough hours in the day. Actually, that is a kind of cliché line. There are enough hours in a day to get to know you, but we all have lives that only rarely intersect. Oh, what a tangled web we weave…

Joe: (Doesn’t say anything. Starts to text)

Bob: Sorry for the outburst guys. I think I have just been a little stressed lately. Maybe next week we can give Joe a chance to tell us a little more about himself. Until then, have a great night.

Everyone leaves and Bob doesn’t know why he feels a little like crying…

OAA: New Character from a new character

Recently I had the pleasure of being introduced, through the magic of WordPress, to a fellow overanalyzer. Long story short, if you think I am bad…

All joking aside, he created a character who will soon be coming to a OAA meeting. On his blog he wrote about him. So, please visit his blog and learn about his character.

As in most overanalyzing situations, there is a long and a short version, and Titilategorillas has provided both. The less-long version is near the bottom of his post, but you absolutely need to read the whole thing if you overanalyze, or know someone who does. Seriously…it will be worth your time. Here is the link:

OAA character Joe

OAA: In a Nutshell

I almost forgot to do a OAA, and I would hate to disappoint anyone. I would also hate it if people thought I had been eaten by crocodiles, or something else, so here is OAA in a nutshell:

Overanalyzers are really just thoughtful, most likely wonderful, compassionate people. I know I am. At least I think I am. I know I am thoughtful, and sometimes I am wonderful. The wonderful thing really just depends on what I am doing, and who I am doing it with. Wait a second, I don’t want you to misinterpret that to mean that I am “with” more than one person…at least in the Biblical sense. I am married. You people are kind of messed up. Anyway, I am usually wonderful unless I am PMSy or maybe if I have just had a bad day. Or if I just am tired. I don’t get moody when hungry like some people do, but I don’t get hungry very often anyway. I eat most of my calories in the morning. What were we talking about?

Oh yeah. I am definitely compassionate. Unless you are a murderer or something. I am all for the death penalty. Don’t over think that too much though. I would only kill people who had definitely been doing the crime. Our prison system is way too crowded. What were we talking about again? I remember, well actually I just looked at that top sentence. I don’t even live around crocodiles, so you don’t have to worry about that. Well, I am going on the MS Walk at the zoo…but I have a code phrase

OAA: Week Four

If this is your first time reading OAA, please see this, and the links on the page. Three other posts total.

Bob: Hello Sue, hello Jill, where is Bill tonight?

Jill: Remember last week when you called to let us know you were sick? Bill was actually listening when you were leaving your message, and when you hung up he started in on “it’s all one big conspiracy” again. He said that you didn’t sound like you were sick and something about having a 6th sense that can pick up on subtle nuances in tone and pace of words…(shaking head)…something like that. Anyway, he is actually outside the window trying to watch your body language to know if you are actually an alien or something.

Still Jill: Hey! Why don’t you start waving your arms up and down just to freak him out?

Bob: Sorry Jill, as tempting as that offer may sound to you, I am genuinely concerned that he already is overanalyzing my posture at this very moment.

Bill: (Outside window) That is the signature seating position of a quandropile from planet zooloid… I knew it. He was lying this whole time. Just wait till I tell Jill…

Bob: Umm, excuse me…sir…would you mind telling us your name?

Jerry: Um okay, I’m Jerry…(Looking around the room as if distracted).

Bob: Hello Jerry, I’m Bob, and these ladies are Sue and Jill.

Sue: (Thinking to herself) Oh my goodness…he is so totally hitting on me. Why else would he have called me a lady? Don’t you think it is a little strange that he said my name first? Jill was sitting to his left, so technically he should have said her name first…or is it the other way around…

Bob: The head you see occasionally peeking over that window ledge is Bill. (Thinking) He has a pretty bad case of paranoid overanalysis. So what brings you here tonight Jerry?

Bill: (Feverishly taking notes Bob’s posture and the vague hand motion that seemed to be directed toward the window).

Jerry: Okay man…I’m going to totally honest here. I actually just came for the snacks, and I don’t even see any, so if you want me to hang out, you need to bring on the spread. I have a nice warm box waiting on 5th and Eastern.

Bob: Sorry Jerry, I was just about to approach the group with the idea of bringing snacks, but last week I was sick and so we really haven’t had a chance to work out a schedule.

Jerry: That is BS man. I know that you “groups” always have snacks. Just because I am homeless doesn’t mean you can lie and walk all over me.

Bob: It isn’t a lie Jerry…really, we haven’t talked about it…

Sue: I’m so sorry that you are homeless Jerry. Was it because of the war? There is always a war…it is really so sad. Here, I have a snack bar in my purse if you want…

Jill: (quietly to Sue) Be careful Sue…you never know who those homeless might be related to.

Jerry: I DON’T NEED YOUR CHARITY! You people make me sick…getting together pretending like you have a problem when you don’t even know what real problems are. I’ll take the snack bar to-go though…

Sue: (Hands him bar)

Jerry: (Walks toward the door mumbling to himself).

Jill: Why did you give him food Sue! Now he will hang around next week hoping for a handout.

Sue: (Bursts into tears) I didn’t mean to…I knew as soon as I gave it to him that it was a bad idea. I almost asked for it back, but I thought that would just make everything worse. Then I thought about what would happen if I didn’t take it back. I don’t want to be an enabler. What if he goes and trades the snack bar for beer? Then again, what if he hasn’t eaten in weeks and that snack looks like a fine steak to him…

Bob: Let’s all just calm down a little. Sue, don’t worry about the bar. It will be fine. Jill, don’t worry about Sue. She was just doing what she thought was best. Now let’s all…

Bill: (Bursts through door stumbling around holding his hand under his rib cage).

Jill: Bill! What happened! Did he stab you?

Sue: Oh no! It’s all my fault!

Bob: (Getting phone out to call 911)

Bill: (Staggers, almost falls, then starts laughing) You should have seen your faces (pulls hand back, everything is fine). That was the best ever! Wow, you are all some paranoid freaks. At least now I know that you aren’t trying to kill me, or you would have started laughing. Let’s go Jill.

Jill: (Getting up) You are such a jerk Bill. I was actually worried about you. You are really all I have since the “accident” happened when our parents died.

Sue: I am going to leave too Bob. I think I’ve had all the excitement I can handle tonight.

Bob: Well, it is getting pretty late. Okay, I’ll bring a snack next week, and then we can start putting a calendar together to take turns with the snack. (Thinks) Maybe we should bring some beer too.

Sue: Bob, I hate to ask you this, and don’t feel like you have to because I don’t want you to feel pressured, but could you walk me to my car just in case Jerry is still out there. You don’t really have to though. I have mace in my purse….

Bob: Sure Sue, let me just grab my stuff. (Thinks to himself) Just another day at OAA.