Shhh…


I have a secret. A few actually.

Sometimes I’ve written something so brilliant that I wait excitedly by the notifications, wondering who the lucky first reader will be. Although I don’t usually talk to myself in the comments about how good the writing is, except in this post, I do have some of those conversations in my head.

Another secret is that sometimes I have posters remorse so bad that I’ve published, trashed, republished, regretted, then wrote a new post because I felt guilty about how stupid the first one was, but I didn’t think it would be right to delete it again, so I hoped the first just wouldn’t get noticed.

Most of the time, I think something I write is good, but later I read it, and realize its stupid or the opposite happens.

Anyway, I guess I’m probably the only person who over analyzes their blog.

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Trifextra: Crust, mantle, core


Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Trifextra – Give us 33 words from it.  Interpret the prompt however you wish–literal, metaphorical, or somewhere in between.

 

“He’s a hard worker. Doesn’t bother the others. He likes the night shift.”

“Oh, he’s a good boy. Always interested in how things work.”

They won’t know what hit them. Five, four, three…

To Print or Not To Print? That is the question…


Some of you know that I have been working on formatting a series of posts that I wrote as a drama. I finally got the thing done, but it’s 38 pages. I don’t know whether or not I should print it.

Some publishers require a hard copy, others will take an email submission. The problem is committing to using the ink, paper, etc. I’ve also heard that it’s a good idea to mail a copy of any writing to yourself and then not open it. Since it has the postmark and the seal, it helps in court if copyright issues come into play. Proof of authorship.

Anyway, I may be over thinking this whole thing, but since it is my over analyzer posts that I’ve been working with, I am allowed over-think time.

So, what should I do? Some publishers even want 5 copies of the thing. I guess I will have to print eventually, but what if I want to reread and edit it some more? I have read it many times, including reading it aloud and timing it. Should I stop thinking about it and just hit print?

OAA: The Final Chapter, and I need your help


This is the final post in the OAA series. A big thanks to all of you who have followed the overanalyzing fun. If you have read the series, I would really appreciate a brief review of it. I am in the process of submitting it to drama companies in hopes of an actual performance, and reviews will help with that process. Please help me with this.

For the past several weeks, the OAA members have been in their building (which is surrounded by poop) held hostage at gunpoint by Jerry. Joe had escaped by cab after ordering pizzas for the group.

Still Week 9

Jerry: When are those pizzas going to be here?

Bob: (Very depressed) I don’t know Jerry. Joe probably took off or something. You can’t blame him.

(Pizza guy comes through the door): We have an order here for (looks at notes) Bob?

Bob: Jerry is the one with the money.

Jerry: What is your deal Bob? You look like you’re about to jump off a bridge.

Bob: (Shakes his head)

Jerry: How much man?

Pizza guy: $81.95

Jerry: What? That is robbery!

Pizza guy: Hey, you got Piggy’s Pizza. Your wallet needs to be as fat as you are. You aren’t too fat though. You looked like you walked in off the street.

Jerry: Just take the money. (Pizza guy takes the money and leaves) (To everyone in the group) Where is Joe anyway?

Everyone starts looking through the pizzas and starts eating, ignoring the question.

Jerry: (Between bites) Okay, I don’t think Joe is coming back, and I’ve heard enough from all of you to write a book.

Listen, you all are some messed up people. I think you’re going to need a lot more than a measly support group to help you. Has anyone here tried medication?

Sue: I was on allergy medication once, but it made me really sleepy. It also made my eyes water. Maybe that was the allergies making them water…

Bill: Medications are part of the government’s plan to make us dependent on them and their “miracle” drugs.

Jill: I was on Xanax for a while, and Valium, but I felt like they were making me paranoid.

Jack: Although I understand how some people need medications, I have never really found them necessary. It seems to me like the need for medication is often the result of an underlying mental condition. Sure, there are people out there who have physical symptoms too, but if you really think about it, aren’t illnesses part of a deeper psychological cause? Long ago people were not on nearly as many medications as they are now. Actually, that is probably not being fair to the people with legitimate medical issues. I would certainly hate for people to assume that I had mental problems when I actually have some illness that mental…

(As Jack is talking, Bob begins quietly sneaking up behind Jerry. He reaches him and grabs the gun from his hand).

Bob: What! This isn’t even real?

Jerry: I may not be a rocket scientist, but I’m not an idiot. You think I would be dumb enough to bring a loaded gun in here? With you freaks?

Sue: How could you Jerry? All this time we have been so scared. The only good thing that has happened is Bob confessing his love for me, and that would have been better under different circumstances. Something like a twilight stroll on the beach or a trip to Paris…

Jill: Jerry, you are more of a jerk than Bill is, and he can be pretty bad. I am so mad right now, I could almost kill you.

Bill: You’re an alright guy Jerry. Here I thought they had finally gotten through to you, and were trying to gather info on us, when all along you were just messing with us. I have a whole new respect for you.

Jack: I thought it might be a toy gun. It didn’t look as heavy as it would have if you were holding a real gun. I’m good at noticing things like that. I’m not bragging or anything. People are good at all sorts of different things. Just because I’m good at noticing stuff doesn’t mean your talents aren’t important. In some situations they might not be important, but there are a lot of situations that would require some of the lesser skills that other people have. For example, if…

Jerry: Okay Jack, we get it. Anyway, this is the most your group has accomplished in the whole time you’ve been doing this Bob, so you shouldn’t be too upset. It’s been fun, but I’ve got to go. You all have helped me realize that even though I’m an alcoholic, broke, and homeless, it could be much worse. I could be like you all are. Thanks for the pizza. (Leaves)

Sue: Wow, that was crazy. So, is the building really surrounded by poop, or was he faking that too?

Jill: What are you on Sue? Seriously…

Bill: This has been the best night yet Bob.

Jack: I’d better head out too. I need to see if Joe is okay. He might have gotten killed or something. You don’t think the pizza guy would have given him a ride out of here right? Maybe he was too embarrassed to come back in and talk about his tall Asian body. I hope the pizza guy didn’t tease him too much about it. He already is so insecure, and any additional comments might push him over the edge. I guess that happens when you overanalyze stuff.

Sue: Bye guys. So, Bob…

Bob: Yes, I’ll walk you to your car.

Sue: I thought maybe we could get some coffee or something too. You don’t have to. I just assumed since we both know how we feel about each other that we might want to take our relationship to the next level. I’m not talking about having sex or anything. Just dating a bit. Taking it from here you know? But if you don’t think you’re ready…

Bob: Why not Sue. It couldn’t get much worse than it already is, right?

© RFranklin and TheHobbler, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to RFranklin and Hobbling Around with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

OAA: Joe’s Call


Recap:

Jerry: Oh man, I could destroy you. Get a preacher in here, order some boxes of wine; funny stuff. Anyway, I’ve heard enough for now Sue. Who wants to order a pizza?

Everyone: I do

Jerry: That’s what Bob said. (Laughing) Alright, everybody pitch in. Joe, you can call if you promise not to call 911. (Hands Joe the phone)

TO BE CONTINUED…

Joe: Alright, what toppings? Actually, nevermind, I’ll pick. I’m going to step outside for a minute.

Jerry: No funny stuff…

Joe: (Outside, dials phone) Ring, ring,

   911, what is your emergency?

Uhh, wrong number… Ring, ring

Flab Cabs, where your flab needs our cab. In case of heart attack, please call an ambulance. How can we help you?

Yes, I need to be picked up outside of the OAA building on 5th and Main.

We’ll send a driver right out. By the way, there is a 600lb weight limit. That won’t be a problem right?

No, I’m just a really tall Asian.

  Ha, ha, ha…good one! Hey Mac, get a load of what this guy told me… (click)

Sigh…ring, ring

Piggie’s Pizza, our pizza’s as big around as you are. What can I get you?

What’s up with all the fat lines?

That’s America dude. Land of the free, home of the whopper, Get it? Whopper?

Yeah. I get it. I need 4 of your Bypass Biggies. Seriously? Bypass?

That’s Pizza dude. We load you up, your heart shuts us down. Extra grease?

Uh, no…I want one supreme, one meats, one cheese, one veggie. 5th and Main. Ask for Bob.

Wow! All that is for one dude? Massive! I bet he’ll need Flab Cabs to get out of there… (click)

Sigh…(Thinking to himself) Should I have just called 911? Nah, Jerry will probably fall asleep if he lets Jack is talk anyway. They’ll be fine. At least I got the pizzas. Now look at me. They’ve got me overanalyzing. Cabs here…good riddance.

Cab Driver: Hey! You really are a tall Asian! Can I get a pic with my phone? Ha, already done. The guys will never believe this.

Joe: Sigh…just get me out of here.

OAA: Still Week 9


For the past few weeks, we have delved into the lives of the OAA members as Jerry holds them hostage. Continued from last week:

Jerry: Why did I even try asking you for your story? I should have known better than that. Alright Sue, let’s hear from you now.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Sue: Me? You want to hear from me?

Jerry: Your name is Sue right?

Sue: You don’t have to be mean Jerry. After all, I am the one who gave you a snack bar on your first day here. Anyway, you want to know my story, I’ll be more than happy to share it with you.

I never thought of myself as a overanalyzer. Some people had said some things about it to me before, but I always just saw it as noticing things. I don’t notice things like what the weather will be like, or if the stoplight is red, but I do notice the important things.

Like whether or not someone likes me. I never really thought of Bob that way until I noticed that he hit on me the first time I was here.

Bob: What? I didn’t…

Sue: It’s okay Bob. We might as well get our true feelings out, since this may be our last day here.

Anyway, when I saw that he was obviously attracted to me, I tried to think about whether or not I could like him in a deeper way.

Bob: Sue, you must have misinterpreted me. I never…

Sue: We don’t have to hide our feelings any longer, Bob. Don’t worry, I like you too.

Like I was saying, after thinking about it for a while, I realized that I could fall in love with him. Sure he isn’t the kind of man I am typically attracted to, but I need a change. Those men always end up being crazy, and finally I had found a nice guy.

Bob: Look Sue, I am glad that you think I’m nice, but if I have ever given you the impression…

Sue: That you are shy? Yes, I have noticed that, but every one of us has things that we find hard to talk about. It might have progressed faster, but our relationship would still be about the same, even if you had openly confessed your love for me.

Bob: Relationship? What relationship? Love? Are you kidding me?

Sue: Wow…I didn’t realize you were so sensitive. I’m sorry Bob, I should have talked about this in private with you, but since we both are fully aware of your desires, I didn’t think you would mind me talking about it in front of the group.

Bob: Please just shoot me Jerry…

Sue: There is no need for so much drama Bob. No one here will judge you for falling for me. Jerry and Bill have both had their own crushes on me, but we are all adults here.

Jerry: You are even more crazy than I thought you were.

Bill: I’ll admit it. I looked down your shirt once…

Sue: See, that is just the way it is Bob. Jerry is crazy in love, and Bill wants sex, but my heart is yours. Nothing can change that. Well, I guess if someone  kidnapped me and harvested my organs, technically they would have my heart, but you know what I mean right? I love you. Don’t you love me? You can admit it.

Bob: Sigh…what the hell. We are all about to die here. Sure Sue, sure. I’ve loved you since the moment you walked through those doors.

Jerry: Oh man, I could destroy you. Get a preacher in here, order some boxes of wine; funny stuff. Anyway, I’ve heard enough for now Sue. Who wants to order a pizza?

Everyone: I do

Jerry: That’s what Bob said. (Laughing) Alright, everybody pitch in. Joe, you can call if you promise not to call 911. (Hands Joe the phone)

TO BE CONTINUED…

OAA: Week 9 (still)


For the last four episodes, is it four? I can’t really remember. Anyway, Jerry surrounded the building in human manure with the help of his bum friend. He has been holding the members of Over Analyzer Anonymous hostage. Bob just told Jerry and the group why he started OAA. Jerry decided to let him live at least until the others have finished telling their reasons why he shouldn’t kill them.

“Jerry: Can’t you all shut up for 5 minutes? Alright Bob, I won’t kill you yet. You might as well hear the other sob stories. You…your turn…”

Jack: Excuse me Jerry, which of us were you pointing at. From this angle it looked like you were pointing at Jill, but Bill is in that general direction also. For all I know you may be drunk and pointing at an imaginary pink elephant or something. Not that you imagine pink elephants when you are drunk. Hey man, if you do imagine pink elephants, it is okay. There is nothing wrong with that. Your mom probably told you there was huh. I have never understood that. Why can’t little boys like pink elephants or any other thing they want to like? Not that you were drunk when you were a little boy. You don’t have to be drunk to think about pink elephants. I just thought about them, and I am very sober. Please don’t feel like I am judging you if you are drunk. I know that there are many reasons someone…

Jerry: SHUT UP! Look. You seem like a decent sort of psychopath, but if you keep talking I will have to kill you now, and that will freak all you other freaks out so SHUT UP! You Bill, why should I not end your paranoid misery?

Bill: Ha! I knew he’d pick me. Look man, it’s like this…

Jill: No! Don’t say another word Bill. Okay, I did it. I killed my mom and dad, but it was in self-defense! I swear!

Sue: It’s okay Jill, I’m sure it was…

Everyone: Shut up Sue

Jill: I didn’t mean to. Really. They had blindfolded me. I thought they were going to hurt me, and, get this, it was on my birthday! No one wants to die on their birthday. They blindfolded me and they were laughing. Laughing! I didn’t know what to do. I was a kid…8, maybe 11 years old. Billy was watching. He was only 6 or so. He was laughing too, but he didn’t know any better.

They were the ones who knew. I was so scared I was trembling. My mom put her arms around me. I thought at first she was giving me a final hug before they did it. Then she started spinning me around. Can you believe that? Spinning me! They were laughing again and I knew it was the end.

I had to do something. Run, call for help, something, but I was dizzy from the spinning and there was no one around to hear me scream. Finally she stopped turning me, and then they did the strangest thing. They put a weapon in my hands. It was like they wanted me to end their reign of terror. I could see through the crack at the bottom of the blindfold, and I swung that bat like there was no tomorrow. Mom was closest, so I bashed her head in first, and when dad leaned down to shield her from more blows, I smashed his face in too. I didn’t have a choice…

I pulled the blindfold off and grabbed Billy’s hand. As we ran into the woods I saw the thing they were going to use to murder me. It was a pink crown hanging from a tree. This thing was massive and it looked heavy. It probably had a bomb or something in it. My parent’s had been so sadistic they had even put a big 12 on it. The age I turned that day. Sickos.

Anyway, when Billy asked me why I killed them, I told him that they weren’t actually our parents, alien shape-shifters or something is what I told him. I guess that is why he is so screwed up, but I had to tell him something…

I don’t want to go to jail. Please, you all can see what happened right?

Sue: Of course we can see Jill. You didn’t have a choice, poor thing.

Jack: Um Sue, I think the crown was actually a…

Jerry: I thought I told you to shut up boy! Alright Jill, I almost killed you for taking your brother’s turn, but after that story I can see that you are more delusional than Bill is. Nobody move. I have to sit down. Does anyone have an aspirin?

TO BE CONTINUED…

I think I need an intervention…


Don’t worry PMAO. This is not about the drugs. Fellow bloggers. My friends. I may need help. It has been three years since my last confession. What am I talking about? I’m not catholic. Okay, help please. I was starting … Continue reading

OAA Week 11 (actually week 9 because they are still being held hostage in a building surrounded by poop)


When we left our overanalyzers in week 9, Jerry had surrounded the building in fecal matter and he was holding them at gunpoint. They had overanalyzed the reasons behind Jerry’s actions, and he was beginning to speak:

Jerry: How are you all still alive? The kindest thing I could do at this moment would be to put a bullet through each of your heads. You know they took me to jail a couple of weeks ago right? Because of you! All your freaking out. I know I have problems, but I am nowhere near as messed up as you are…

I’m going to give you each one opportunity to tell me why I should save your miserable lives.

Bob: (freaking out) You should save my life because I am not one of these people! Look, I started this group because my mother was an overanalyzer. I saw the effects of constantly worrying about everything. She couldn’t even sleep at night because she kept thinking about what my dad meant when he said she was losing her mind.

She went from making us Micky Mouse shaped pancakes, to having us make our own pancakes because she didn’t want to somehow suppress our creativity by determining the shape for us. Then she cried because she felt she might be contributing to the child labor problem by having her kids cook. Later she worried about the lack of work ethic we might experience if we didn’t make our own pancakes. I can’t even look at a pancake now without vomiting.

I wanted to help others with the same problem. Life is about so much more than pancakes. I thought I could get people together to talk about the true problem, the overanalysis that runs through their minds. I thought I could help them recognize it, and when they start thinking like that, they could alter their patterns of thought and enjoy life. I realize now that they will never be able to get to that point.

We have had week after week of meetings, and we haven’t even started talking about overanalyzing. We are still talking about everything from Walmart to the price of tea in China. Literally! The price of tea in China! Actually, that might have been in my nightmare.

Anyway, maybe you should kill me. All I have wanted to do is to make a difference, and I am obviously not going to be able to do that, so go ahead and kill me Jerry. Might as well.

Sue: Don’t say that Bob, you have made a difference in my life! I’ve been dreaming about you too.

Jill: He said “nightmare” Sue. Big difference.

Jack: Actually, there is not that much difference between a nightmare and a dream. Really, the only difference is the feelings that they evoke. Well, they can influence changes in your heart rate, and blood pressure might be different too. But, if you had a really good or exciting dream, your heart rate would probably equal that of a nightmare. Unless it was one of those dreams where you are flying, which should cause a rapid heartbeat, but for whatever reason in your dream it doesn’t…

Joe: Can I have my phone back Jerry?

Bill: Look man, I’m just as freaked out as you are by these extraterrestrials.

Jerry: Can’t you all shut up for 5 minutes? Alright Bob, I won’t kill you yet. You might as well hear the other sob stories. You…your turn…

TO BE CONTINUED… 😉