Pain


Ravaging

Reminding me that Life is hard

Convincing me that I am broken

Desperate for Your touch

Longing for release

An escape from this world of pain

Why do You wait so long?

I’m hurting and losing hope

But not faith

I know you’ll rescue me

Save me from the heartache

From the pain

From the futility of existence

From my thoughts

Be my help

See my pain

Save me agaun

Like You always do

Satan Cracks Me Up


I’ve tuned into a Jesus Devotee this year. He’s taken over all of my social media, and the rest of my life. I got saved as a child but after a life of trials had come to the conclusion that we were probably all right.

Then all the stuff earlier this year (see blog)and now I’m a Jesus freak, so, whatever. Anyway, back to Satan. He doesn’t like me because I’m so into Jesus, even though I love Satan too, in some ways.

God and me love everyone. Anyway, the other day he started messing with my ears. Now they ring all the time.

He thinks he can make me forget to tell everyone that Satan exists only in your head. It is hard, and I can’t do it while writing this because I’m looking at a screen.

When I’m done being my head to write, I’m going to tell my brain to shut up and to quit being such a narcissist. Then I’m going to close my eyes and be my body and soul. You can too.

Blue Christmas: Last Remake of the Season


Real Version – Karaoke   I am so blue, blue after Christmas.    Chaos is through, we’re done with the big fuss. Decorations still up, but it’s easy to see    I’m in no mood to, start taking down the tree. … Continue reading

Up On The Housetop: Do it yourself guide.


Real  Up on the housetop you better not pause    You’re not really Santa Claus. Down through the chimney you might fall    If you put the lights up so tall.   Oh, oh, oh! There you go.   Ow, ow, ow! … Continue reading

Santa Baby (Mom Version)


If you have not heard this song go to: This Link and hear the real thing first. If you’re familiar with the song, please open this link (or a similar karaoke version of the song) and listen while inserting the following words: … Continue reading

It’s Not Me, It’s You


My second post in the journey to becoming someone I want to be with.

I can be a bitch. Sorry for the language, but that word is really the most appropriate. The thing is, sometimes I don’t feel good. Sometimes I am PMSy. Sometimes you are annoying (being honest here). Each of these things on its own could make you into someone you don’t want to be with, but the combination seals the deal.

This whole “wanting to be with me” thing keeps running through my mind. How can I be someone I like if I am pissed off or depressed all the time? I shouldn’t be too hard on myself I guess. It is only 95% of the time.

So, what should I do when I am annoyed? When I am so depressed that I have to drag myself out of bed? When life spits in your face then laughs about it?

Answer? Blame. Blaming someone else for your problems can make the problem hurt less. Don’t pretend you are above that. We all do it, even if we don’t always realize it.

The problem with the blame game is that often we blame those closest to us. Our spouse, our co-worker, our kids. In all fairness, they could have contributed to the problem, but if we really want to get along with ourselves, we at least have to take responsibility for our reactions to our circumstances.

So, how can we get out from under the weight of responsibility? Blame yourself. Not the self reading this, blame your bitchy self. Blame the depressed girl in your bed. If we can shift blame and guilt for our problems to the “you” that you don’t like, the you with potential to make different choices will have a chance to shine.

Realizing that even though there are a lot of things about life that suck, there are a few things that are really great. Knowing that sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn’t as good as it might sound when you are discouraged. Those are traits of the person I might want to be with.

That you needs to look the miserable one in the eye and say, “so you are sick, so you are pissed, so you think life sucks…that’s not me, it’s you”. Then get off your butt and do something worth doing. If you do, if you leave your bad mood with the crappy “you”, you will be one step closer to becoming someone you want to be with.