I know I posted it before, but I had to again. Long story…enjoy. I dreamed of you last night. Your intoxicating smell. Your fullness. I’m captivated by your steaming body. I need to feel your warmth on my tongue. I … Continue reading
I’m awake. My body hates me. My mind terrifies me. I’m alone and trapped inside this torture device.
I’ve been writing a book. Real book! It’s only like a page long, but I have to get permission to use a story before I can write more.
So, I’ll blog for a bit.
Once upon a time there was a house. It was an older abode, but it still functioned as a house, providing shelter from storms, and other things. Of course, due to it’s age and weathering, it did creak and groan and have some nails sticking out here and there
The owners absolutely loved the house. It had charm and character and all those lovely old home attributes. They restored as much as possible, and lovingly took care of each nook and cranny.
They had children and later grandchildren, all who were taught to respect and take care of the house. It really was a beautiful house.
Once upon a time there was another house. An old one, but it still functioned as a house providing shelter from storms of life among other things. Of course, due to its age it did have some creaking and groaning and some cracks here and there.
The owners used to love this house. It once held charm and excitement. They used to laugh about decisions they argue about now. They put their time, money, and energy into other things so they don’t have to think about the state of the house.
They had children and later grandchildren who were taught the house wasn’t very valuable. It could had been a beautiful house, but it was destroyed.
Now for the interactive part. I want you to put “marriage” in for the words referencing “house”
Which are you? Loving caretakers or ready to move? Can that change? Should it? How much tending are you doing to your marriage? Ignoring the cracks?
I’d like to think that most of us want a beautiful marriage to live in, but it might take a little focus on the parts showing signs of damage. Maybe some you are blind to what those areas are. I know I can be.
Listening helps. I’m not very good at that, but I’d like to think I’m creative and good at coming up with ideas. Maybe if I can work on my weaknesses and focus on my strengths. Maybe if my husband and I can both learn where each other sees cracks forming, and patch them together using our strengths, maybe we can restore the beauty that was once captivating. I want our kids to respect our marriage. It could be beautiful.
If you knew something, if you could do something…
Something that would save your loved ones years of pain
Something that would make each day more meaningful
Something that they might one day understand
Something that would make everything you did more valuable
Would you act? If it meant giving yourself an expiration date? Should you act for the better good? Is it presumptuous to determine this, or is it honesty, a glimpse of reality?
Yah, I’m posting something else. PMAO does it all the time. I need to say something. I’m not well. Yeah, I have MS and broken bones and all that stuff, but I’m mentally unstable. Seriously. I imagine some of you are second guessing your choice to follow this blog, or maybe my mental state is what led you here in the first place. Writers are weird like that. Anyway, so I’m crazy. Terrified of making my kids this way. Wandering alone in the caverns of my mind. Watching reality fade away. Hoping to somehow write the insanity away. Writing is the only thing I have confidence in. I’m not actually a writer. Just a blogger, throwing words into the internet. Hoping that one day when I look at the splatter of words on the walls of my mind, they will make a crazy, magic picture thing that will answer the fruitless questions of my existence.
Once upon a time there was a fish.
One fish in the sea of millions.
The thing that makes this fish tale different,
Is that this fish didn’t know how to swim.
She tried so hard.
To be like the other fish.
To “fly” through the water.
The other fish made it look easy.
The same water that lifted everyone else,
Was suffocating, heavy, immobilizing.
A few fish tried to help.
To teach her how to swim
She couldn’t swim.
Eventually she stopped trying.
She wasn’t strong enough.
At least she wasn’t in her mind’s eye.
So she drifted.
So she fell.
So she drowned.
But don’t be sad…
There are lots of fish in the sea.
Just stop already.
Stop pretending you are something you’re not.
Stop wishing for something that doesn’t exist.
You are where you are.
You are who you are.
You are what you are.
Yeah, sometimes it sucks.
What’s the point?
I don’t know.
Maybe there’s some grand purpose.
Maybe there’s no reason at all.
It doesn’t matter.
I don’t know how it happened.
When, where, why.
I don’t know much at all, but I know this has to stop.
One way or another.
If you are looking for a funny cat video or pictures of beautiful people smiling, check the rest of the internet. I interrupt this regularly witty blog for a shot of reality, which unfortunately is a hard thing to come … Continue reading
If you could go back in time would you do it? Why or why not? If so, what would you go back to? Before you answer, these things would apply: Your kids would still be here, they would be just … Continue reading