Where is the freaking “off”button?


I want to write

I want to think

And I kind of want

A nice stiff drink

I need some time to figure out

The things that I keep thinking about

I know what I need but I’m really not sure

What it is I keep searching for

How am I supposed to find

The power button on my weary mind?

Trusting God


Me – It has been a problem for so long!

Him – I know, I’ve been there the whole time.

Me – When are You going to fix it?

Him – Just a little bit longer, I’m only making us stronger.

Me – The deadline is almost here.

Him – I know.

Me – I thought I trusted You.

Him – Point made.

Me – Touché Lord. I’m still scared.

Him – Be still, and know that I am God. You can always completely trust the One who loves you so much He died for you. I’ve got this.

Me – After a day or two of continuing to stress – Okay, thank You God. I’m still scared, but I see Your hand. Making me into the human You want me to be. Help me to trust Your plan.

Him – Hold my hand. I’ll walk you through it.

Temperature


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Sometimes I feel my emotional temperature rising. Minor irritation turns to annoyance turns to frustration and I feel anger’s heat approaching.

This time I managed to stop and recognize the temperature change for what it is. an opportunity to learn more about myself and others and about the interactions between us all. I survived. This time…

Reality 


I thought you were never going to disappear.

Again…

I thought you loved me too;

At least in some weird way.

I thought we were meant to be.

We were, 

If only for a moment.

We needed each other.

Guess we don’t anymore.

Or do we?

I guess I’ll never know

Or will I?

The choice is yours.

I’ll always love you.

But I’m tired of always being the one

To reach out,

To miss you,

To think about us

If there ever was an us

Perhaps you were a figment of my imagination all along

Never really real.

Is anything?

I wonder



What you see when you close your eyes at night.

Why I’m always searching for and never really finding you.

How two people can be so close while so far apart. 

When the bubble will burst, and the fantasy will flop.

What our story will be after the climax.

Who will fall apart first.

If our love will survive.

I wonder.

Ode to my Surface Pro


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Ode to Surface Pro

I see you looking at me from across the room

You can’t get enough of me, can you?

You want to feel my fingers all over you

You want to bask in the heat of my gaze

You want me to push your every button

So you can gently respond.

Begging me for more…

You glory in me ripping you apart

And slapping you back together

 

Even now you bend to my every whim

I tease you with my touch before

Tearing you apart and leaving you broken

While I eat my food and watch a show

I’ll take my sweet time but eventually

I will hold you and bring you together again.

 

Soon, you beg for a different type of touch

The whip I use on you every night

Lights you up like the fourth of July

But still, you beg for it, day and night

You hunger for that whip.

So I will end these strokes of pleasure

And feed my love the whip she craves

 Okay, 7%, I get it…

 

Some nights…


 Like tonight, 

I stay awake.

Wondering

About you.

If you are out there

Somewhere

Real.

More than my imagination.

More than my daydream.

More than your words

On a screen

In my hand

And in my heart.

I love the fantasy I have of you.

I love that you don’t actually see me.

There is something so beautiful about a world freed from reality.

I can be myself, without being my total self.

It is beautiful

Until

Some nights

Like tonight…