Bringing New Meaning to Political Cartoon


The views expressed here are not any endorsement of a particular presidential candidate. They are simply observations of the similarities between presidential candidates and cartoon characters, in alphabetical order, so no hate mail please.

As the year draws to a close we are met with another exciting round of politicians eagerly trying to convince us of their superiority over the others, and of their capability to lead our nation for the next few years. Since it can be quite difficult to keep up with the candidates and their various positions, I have painstakingly compiled a summary of each presidential candidate and more importantly, the cartoon character that they represent.

Michele Bachmann – Little Red Hen

Bachmann: “I’m a former federal tax litigation attorney. I’m a business woman. We started our own successful company. I’m also a member of the US Congress. I’m a wife of 33 years. I’ve had five children, and we are the proud foster parents of 23 great children.

Little Red Hen lived on a farm with her five chicks.  The story is applied in teaching children the virtues of the work ethic and personal initiative.

Bachmann: “Simple. Fair. Flat. Everyone should pay  something.”

Little Red Hen: Have you ever worked hard on a project and found that no one would help you? Then when you got it all done, suddenly  everyone wanted to participate, or use your creation?

Herman Cain – Marvin the Martian

Marvin – In Looney Tunes Christmas he puts prices on products in a super store, until the end of the film when he is promoted to assistant manager.

Herman Cain – “I started at Pillsbury as a manager in one of their analysis functions, then worked my way up the corporate ladder to become vice president.”

Marvin – He attempts to destroy the Earth because, he reasons, “it obstructs my view of Venus”.

Herman Cain – “I’m a professional problem solver”.

Herman Cain – “President Obama’s economic policies have failed to anunreasonable degree. He has no plan for a course correction. He has promised a plan for focusing on job creation since he has been in office. He has had over two and a half years to get it right, and now he wants a month to write another speech, following a three-day bus tour that produced nothing but a bunch of photo-ops. We are not convinced we will hear anything new.”

Marvin – “Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!”

Newt Gingrich – Popeye

Gingrich: I’m not a natural leader. I’m too intellectual; I’m too abstract; I think too much.

Popeye: What am I? Some kind of judge or lawyers? Maybe not, but I knows what law suitks me. What am I? I ain’t no physcikisk, but I knows what matters. What am I? I’m Popeye the Sailor.

Gingrich: “The right policies lead to the right results. And I’m going to argue that President Obama will lose the future because the wrong policies lead to the wrong results.”

Popeye: “Wrong is wrong, even when it helps ya”

John Huntsman – Bugs Bunny

Huntsman: “I don’t think you need to run down someone’s reputation in order to run for the office of president.”

Bugs: “Trouble with this world is that everybody’s out to get everybody else.”

Huntsman: “We have learned that subsidies don’t work and that we can no longer afford them.”

Bugs: ”I haven’t got the heart to tell him that he’s used up all the money.”

Huntsman: “No Child Left Behind hasn’t worked for this country. It ought to be done away with.”

Bugs: “I wonder if some of you out there would care to contribute to the delinquency of a minor.”

Gary Johnson – Eeyore

We have not heard a word from the organizers of next week’s debate. Like everyone else, we simply read in the press that the list of participants does not include Governor Johnson. That’s unacceptable. – Senior campaign advisor Ron Neilson

Eeyore: “I’m telling you. People come and go in this forest, and they say, ‘It’s only Eeyore’, so it doesn’t count.”

Johnson: “This country would be a better place to live in if all the resources we currently put toward criminalizing marijuana were instead spent by law enforcement on protection from real crime, as opposed to victimless crime.”

Eeyore: “Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”

Barack Obama – Foghorn Leghorn

Obama: “If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it’s possible that I’m a little too awesome.”

Foghorn was opinionated, full of himself, and yet, endearing. He loved a good practical joke, too.

Obama: He’s warm, he’s cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic; you just have to keep him in on a tight leash – every once in a while he goes charging  off and gets himself into trouble. Enough about Joe Biden.”

Foghorn: That dog is like taxes: He just doesn’t know when to stop.

Obama: “Hillary is not the first politician in Washington to  declare “Mission Accomplished’ a little too soon.”

Foghorn: “That woman has a mouth like an outboard motor: Put-Put-Put-Put-Put-Put-Put.”

Obama: I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting
party.” – responding to revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins.

Foghorn: That boy’s more mixed up than a feather in a
whirlwind.

Ron Paul – Mighty Mouse

Paul: “It is true that liberty is not free, nor is it easy. But tyranny – even varying degrees of it – is much more difficult, and much more expensive. The time has come to rein in the federal government, put it on a crash diet, and let the people keep their money and their liberty.”

The early operatic Mighty Mouse cartoons often portrayed Mighty Mouse as a ruthless fighter. He would dole out a considerable amount of punishment, subduing opponent cats to the point of giving up their evil plan and running away.

They both are concerned about fear tactics being used to control others.

Paul: “A citizen walking through the airport today is bombarded with 1984-style propaganda messages that are designed to make us fear some amorphous threat and also be suspicious of others. The government designs these messages to make us feel dependent and heavily lorded over in every aspect of our lives.

IMDb: “A viewer notified media watchdog Reverend Donald Wildmon that, in one episode of this series, it looks like Mighty Mouse reaches into a pocket and snorts cocaine from his hand to regain his strength… Bakshi denies it to this day, maintaining that Mighty Mouse was merely smelling some crushed flowers and that the white jet leading from his hand to his nose was merely a cartoon “smell line” moving super-fast from the mighty inhale. The episode was immediately pulled from the rotation so that no one would see it.”

Rick Perry vs. Mitt Romney   – Spy vs. Spy

“The hostilities flaring between Mitt Romney and Gov. Rick Perry of Texas have been steadily rising inside both camps and may signal a new, more combative phase in the Republican presidential campaign.” – New York Times

Spy vs. Spy: They are the only two spies we know who haven’t the sense to come in out of the cold. But they have a ball – mainly trying to outwit each other.

“Mr. Romney and Mr. Perry arrived here with a strategic imperative to challenge the other’s consistency and conservative credentials. The tensions only grew as the night wore on, to the point where Jon M. Huntsman Jr., the former governor of Utah, joked that Mr. Romney and Mr. Perry were at risk of bludgeoning each other to death.”  – New York Times

Their comic strip always features two spies, who are completely identical save for the fact that one is dressed in white and the other black. The pair is constantly warring with each other, using a variety of booby-traps to inflict harm on the other. The spies usually alternate between victory and defeat with each new strip.

Charles ‘Buddy’ Roemer – Doc

Roemer led a fiery campaign calling for a “Roemer
Revolution”, promising to “scrub the budget”, overhaul the education system, reform campaign finance rules, and slash the state bureaucracy by “bricking up the top three floors of the Education Building.”

Step up to the tub, It ain’t no disgrace
Just pull up your sleeves
And get up in place
Then scoop up the water
And rub it on your face
An’ go blud-dle-ud-dle-ud-dle
Ud-dle-um-dum
Pick up the soap
Now don’t try to bluff
Work up a lather
An’ when ya got enough Get your hands full of water
Ya snort an ya snuff
An’ go blud-dle-ud-dle-ud-dle
Ud-dle-um-dum
Ya douse an souse
Ya scrub and scrub
Ya sputter and splash all over the tub
You may be cold and wet when your done
But ya gotta admit it’s good clean fun

Rick Santorum – Daffy Duck

Santorum: “I’m ready to lead. I’m ready to do what has to be done for the next generation, with the courage to fight for freedom, with the courage to fight for America.”

Daffy: “This is opening new doors to feelings I never knew I had! Finally! A chance to champion the merits of goodness and honor!”

Santorum: “My feeling is, well, if it’s my money, I have a right to judge.”

Daffy: “It’s mine, you understand? Mine!”

Santorum: “Watching President Obama apologize last week for America’s arrogance – before a French audience that owes its freedom to the sacrifices of Americans; helped convince me that he has a deep-seated antipathy toward American values and traditions.”

Daffy: “Hey! Whose side you on fella?”

Well, there you go…please stay even more informed on the candidates’ positions before you vote.

*References are linked above. Primarily WikipediaIMDbBrainyQuote, and Project Vote Smart 2012.

© RFranklin and TheHobbler, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to RFranklin and Hobbling Around with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Guess what?


 The most incredible thing happened to me today. I met a guy at Starbucks who does a radio show, and he wants to do about a 15 minute on-air interview with me!

I’m beyond excited! For those of you who don’t know, I’m trying to change the world. Dyingwithstyle.org is my website where you can read all about it.

Anyway, it should be within the next few weeks, and there should be a podcast of it, so I’ll share it here after it’s done, and on my site. 

It’s for missionsradio.org, which is basically a site promoting all sorts of world-changing people and organizations from around the world. I seriously can’t stop smiling. 

Curious…


You all know I’m planning on killing myself in 2027 right? I want to talk about all the reasons why somewhere, so I need your advice.

Should I write about it for wordpress or whatever, or should I make a video saying it? I’m better at writing than I am at talking, but I think the video might be more impactful. Advice?

My letter to FaceBook


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Dear F.B.

If I tell you, will you quit asking? My status is eager. You know what is even more weird?

Your obsession with me.

Your emails after the first breakup were…excessive and pushy. The only reason I’m here is because you are holding my friends and family captive.

Look, the reason I avoided you in the first place, was because you were so clingy and needy. You wanted to know everything about me: where I grew up, what music I like, etc. Then you want to follow me everywhere, and you even sent “friends” to track me.

You want me to tell you my whole life story and give you every possible way to contact me.

It’s just plain weird. You need help.

That said, I have to be here on FaceBook for a while, so I hope we can be friends.

Sincerely, Becky
dyingwithstyle.org

Proof against evolution


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Evolution is basically the idea that some single celled organism adapted, primarily through natural selection into humanity, right?

Hate to break this to you, but that theory has a fatal flaw.

Women’s menstrual cycle. Period’s. If evolution were true we certainly would have “evolved” a better way to rid our body of stuff; than a monthly river of blood.

Something’s wrong, and mini update.


I’m going to be only occasionally dropping by this blog until February. Got real writing to do. Mostly contest sort of stuff, but I’m excited about it even if none of my stuff wins.

Sometimes writings just come out without having a place to call home, so in those cases I’ll bring them here. There also might be times like tonight when I write 2 things for one category and decide to enter the “less normal” one into the contest, so you all get to preview the runner up.

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Something’s Wrong

You asked me if something is wrong.
It is, but we’ll be alright.
Sometimes everything is perfect.
Other times I remember.

Having fun with you.
Making love to you.
Being one with you.

If I wasn’t who I am…
If you weren’t who you are…
If life hadn’t sucker-punched us
And helped make us the monsters we’ve become…

I cry for what we could have had.
For what will never be.
I miss us.

The Mouse and the Motorcycle


Due to content that some readers may find offensive, viewer discretion is advised.

NOT:

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Once upon a time there was a mouse.

Due to privacy practices, I can’t tell you her real name, but let’s call her Bonnie.

Bonnie was a normal mouse doing normal mouse-things, except for one little difference. Bonnie had rabies. She occasionally freaked out and bit people. She also had an annoying habit of foaming at the mouth. During moments of sanity though, she was a mouse with big dreams and ideas.

One of her ideas was to start a movement to change the way mice were killed. She figured why suffer the agony of being poisoned with arsenic, or mutilated by a spring trap, or slowly starving to death on a glue trap? Mice should be able to turn themselves in to the Almighty Homeowner and request a more humane death.

This idea was met by those in her mice community with shock and horror. They had difficulty understanding the concept, especially since it came from a crazy mouse.

Lucky for this mouse though, it had a understanding motorcycle friend.

Due to privacy practices I can’t tell you the motorcycle’s real name, but let’s call him “Tommy“.

Tommy and Bonnie had a mutually beneficial relationship. Tommy would go on rides enjoying his freedom, and when he came back, Bonnie would scratch his seat and get the dirt out of his handlebars while he patiently listened and supported her crazy “choose how you die” ideas.

It was an unconventional motorcycle/mouse relationship, but it worked for them.

One day Bonnie had another brilliant idea. She would become the spokesperson for the “stop the insanity” movement, which was a group of mice, with and without rabies, who advocated the use of catnip for treating the painful symptoms of rabies as well as enjoying the buzz from consuming the herb.

She was excited to tell her friend about this latest idea and the extreme measures she was willing to go through to advocate for this cause. As she ran across the street to tell Tommy, a motorcycle came around the corner and ran Bonnie over.

The end.

Moral of the story? Even crazy mice with insane pipe dreams don’t deserve to be squashed.

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